Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 21 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,149 Posts
I wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss and offer my support and understanding. My daughter was stillborn at 28w6d just over a year ago, also from a cord injury, a double twist where the cord joined her belly.

You will find that there are many women on this board that have suffered loss(es). It is a wonderful place for support, especially when you are having one of "those" days.

Take care,
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
604 Posts
{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}

So sorry for your loss. I just wanted to tell you that I went to your site and read your beautiful story about your son Dylan. Thanks for sharing!

I have never gone through a stillbirth, but I wanted to let you know that I am sad with you about what happened.

Karen
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,863 Posts
I read your birth story that you have so beautifully written. I am so sorry for your family, and your loss.
My inlaws lost their 2nd child during labor, from a cord injury...and later went on to have my husband, their 3rd child, and I am so thankful they had the strength to endure the pain and fear to try to have another child....I know how hard it was for them, to face that unknown.
you are in my thoughts.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,697 Posts
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter in July of this year for different reasons. The devastation of losing a child can be overwhelming. I am so sorry you had to go through this. Nothing I can say will make you feel any better, but please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. If at all possible, try to find a support group for parents who have lost a child. It has been so helpful for me.
What was your sons name?
Gossamer

"Some people dream of angels, I carry one in my heart."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
632 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I just wanted to thank everyone who responded to my post about my Angel Son, Dylan.
It has not been an easy road, but today seems to be a better day then when i first posted.
I hope that I get to know you all a bit better
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
22,154 Posts
Lindsay,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. My daughter Amanda Leigh was stillborn on December 14, 1993. I can't beleive it's almost been 10 years.

I can certainly understand the difficult time you're having right now. It's very normal to have feel like this even years later. Especially, when so many around us forget.

What kind of things have you done to remember your son? Many mothers here find it comforting to include their child in family traditions. Even if it's very suttle.

Is there something recent that's brought back some of these feelings?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
632 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
you hit me at a perfect time. I feel like talking about him and no one will listen.

Quote:
What kind of things have you done to remember your son? Many mothers here find it comforting to include their child in family traditions. Even if it's very suttle.

Quote:
Is there something recent that's brought back some of these feelings?
Well where do I begin...ok. My birthday was just 9/17 and his heavenly bday is 9/20.
on 9/20 of this year...my sister came over...well i had dylans presents sitting on the counter. (we leave stuff at his grave for his bday) One item was a lil beanie baby that Said Mommy's little Angel. My sister took one look at it and said, "well geez I wonder what boy thats for..not any of yours" ohh if looks could kill. I was just furious, so already being upset just by the date...I could not help it, I shouted at her..."Yes...the ONE YOU FORGOT ABOUT"
and i had to turn my back to her and walk away.
well then after she left we went to the cemetary and gave him his gifts. There was nothing...nothing not even a flower there. I got more raged..everyone forgot him, no one called me, no one left him stuff..yadda yadda.
So I it stewed in me for about 2 hours. then i called my Dad, he has always had the ability to calm me down. ugg that was a mistake..he was doing worse remembering Dylan than I was. But then after he could not talk through his tears anymore, I talked to Mom. She calmed me down, but not cause of dylan and my sis...now i was feeling guilty for upsetting dad.
Anywhoo....
Well today is 10/16/03...Dylan was Due 10/22/01. it may not seem relavent but it was to me. dh's bday is 10/15 and my mil's is 10/17. We so wanted him to be born on 10/16/01. We thought that would be neat since ds1 was born on my moms bday. So today is full of what if's. I know i havbe to be thankful for the 2 out f 3 I have with me. but its just not enough...I am very selfish with my kids and would have 10 more if dh would agree.
I do have 1 awesome friend whom i talk to evreynight that allows me to talk about Dylan. I love her...but i just wish my family...Dylans family...could do the same.
My moms best friend lost her dd..her only dd..alomst 30 years ago and she said she still has these days as well. So I guess I am doing ok.
This just hurts too bad.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
140 Posts
Lindsey~ I am so sorry for your loss of Dylan. I think his memorial page is beautiful. He is such a lucky boy to have a mom who cares so deeply for him.

I too have experienced a stillbirth. Adia was born just this April, so I have not experienced birthdays yet. I think that it is so wonderful that you leave gifts for Dylan.

As far as family...my parents are pretty good...actually more vocal in their grief than me. My in-laws suck so bad...If we don't talk about it it never happened, so lets move on.

I am glad you have a friend that you can talk to about Dylan. I am eternally searching for one. I can say to people I am having a rough Adia day and no one including my husband inquries as to why...I just want to be able to talk about her and my pain without feeling like a cry baby.

There is another member here KatherineCA who has experienced a stillbirth coming on a year now. I haven't seen her post in a while, but I know she is very supportaive. Take care and you can always PM me if you want to talk more about Dylan. Take care and I am glad that you found mothering.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
22,154 Posts
As sad as I am that we've all lost a child. It warms my heart that we can meet here and talk about them


You're all beautiful loving mamma's and your children are so lucky to have felt your love.

Lindsay, it's so hard when people forget. Just 20 years ago women were not even told the sex of their stillborn baby. They were told to go home, forget about it and try again
: I can't imagine how this must have hurt the mothers before us.

If you look through history, women greived thier lost children. Somehow, we lost sight of that? We live in a socieity that want's us to move on so quickly after a loss.

Lindsay, you gave birth to your son you held him under your heart and you had dreams for him. It's only natural that you'll have bad days. Especially thoes anniversary days you mentioned.

My daughter was stillborn in December, but the Thanksgiving that year was spent at my in-laws with 2 sis-in-laws pregnant. We sat around talking and laughing after dinner. Then 2 weeks later my baby was gone - they went on to have healthy perfect babies. Thanksgiving has NEVER been the same to me. I wouldn't even go to my in-laws for 7 years! I just spent the day quietly at home. I couldn't face 'being thankful' with DH's family again. Silly to most, but, I'm sure all of you understand.

The point I'm trying to make is that it's ok to have these days. I think it's natural and normal. What you have to do is allow yourself to move through things in a way that feels right to you.

Lindsay, if you have a moment take a look through some of the past threads here. There are many women who have suffered a similar loss and have felt the deep grief you're going through right now. It may make you feel less alone. Also, there are some stickies at the top of this forum with resources. You can also pm me any time if you need more information. I've worked with several organizations over the past 9+ years and would be happy to help you get the answers you're seeking.

Too all of you who've lost a child -I wish you gentleness.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
632 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I am so glad i came over hear. A gf directed me here but for a totally different board (lol in which i have yet to go to) After we lost Dylan I found parentsplace. It was ok at first but then several left due to some bad eggs joining our sad board. I have been very pleased with everyine here. It is just wonderful that we have a "vetern of sorts" here to help us newbies out. I hope to have words like you just spoke 8 years from now when we are at the 10 yr mark.
I hope to be posting here often.
thank-you
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
426 Posts
I am sorry tht you had a bd day. Its been slightly over 4 years since we lost our first son at 22 weeks. Noone remembered him on that day. I made some off hand comment to my best friend about it and she said whatever. I handled his death OK, I was devastated, but time has made it better. I wear a bracelet with his due date (and his brothers) and my 2 daughters birthdates and our anniversary, will need to expand it in December with another heart. When our second son was still born after being diagnosed with the same disease as his brother almost a year ago, it was easier, as I knew the technical aspects of the whole thing. But his actual loss was just as hard. I have no idea if anyone will remember, but as their mother I will never forget.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
563 Posts
Lindsay,

I'm so glad you posted here. I haven't been online much (my Internet was down for a couple weeks), so I just now saw your post. I'm so sorry your sister forgot your baby! What is wrong with people?! I'm glad you yelled at her. Not that I normally condone yelling at people, but our society can be so stupid when it comes to acknowledging death, especially the deaths of babies. And who is going to start changing that if not us, our babies' mothers?

My fourth baby, Kevin, was stillborn last November 10th. I was 38 weeks pregnant and had labored for 24 hours when my midwives arrived at my home and couldn't find a heartbeat. The autopsy was inconclusive as to the cause of his death, but he appears to have been sick and not growing well because of some difficulty absorbing nutrients.

I am grateful for the group here, there is so much support available from these loving women. Much love to you and to all the moms here who have lost their babies,

Katherine
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,000 Posts
Thank you all for sharing your experiences and your grief. It makes the world a little better/more humane place each time a human loss is remembered and accounted. Katherine, I wish I could send you a birthday card for your dear little one!

Just one idea for remembering that I got from a grief journal I saw at a bookstore... I got beautiful blank books for each baby I lost through miscarriage (3), and put every significant date of their little lives in it. I combed through my regular journal and planner and family calendar and medical records and pregnancy journals for dates to pull these together. This has been a very healing process for me. I'm glad I found this thread. I think I'll pull out those journals and make more notes! Of even their potential lives, of which I can only guestimate! When they would have been blessed, when they would have walked, when they would have started school, when they would have left home... I think I even need to remember and think about these.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
20 Posts
I am so sorry for your loss. I went and read your birth story and looked at Dylans' picture. He is an absulutly beutifull baby. I am so sorry.
My daughter was stillborn August 27 2002. She was 27 weeks. I have been given no reason for her loss, but have been told she had many abnormalities. I held her, I looked at her. I saw nothing wrong with my daughter. She was perfect. I miss her so much. We named her Angelina Rose. My inlaws are uncomfortable when I bring her up, and my parents told me to let the dead lie shortly after her birth. She joined her older sister and half brother, and has sense been joined by her younger brother in heaven. It just isn't fair that all three of my children have to be away from me. At least they are together.
Bea
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
632 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 ·
OMG oh sweetie i am so sorry you had to go through this so many times.
I feel bad about posting about my grief with one, i cant imagine 3. Please know that if you need extra prayers in your life I am here for you
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
20 Posts
Oh Lindsay! Pease do not feel this way! I don't wish to make anyone feel guilty. One loss is a tragedy, just as much as several!
You too need to grieve sweet Dylan!
Thankyou for the ofers to, it never hurts to have one more person rooting for you!
Bea
 
1 - 20 of 21 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top