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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
My DD (2) is driving me crazy! She likes to pour things. I have got her set up with the dishwasher lid down so she can pour all day long if she likes.<br><br>
The other day she got mad at me. We are working on potty training and she likes to take the bucket portion to the bathroom (it's in the living room for now since we are in there most of the day..that way it keeps it within easy reach and we have less accidents). So she goes and we are on the way to the bathroom to flush it and rinse it and what not. I turn to make sure she isn't tripping over toys and she brings the potty to her lips and goes to take a drink. I told her no, we don't drink our pee and continue toward the bathroom. She screams at me and dumps it on the floor. Ok fine, I figure it was a fluke thing but now whenever she is mad at me (just me...this doesn't happen with DH) she dumps things on the floor.<br><br>
In the last two days I have cleaned up pee three times, milk off my laptop and my lap, and various sticky drinks off carpet and chairs. Just now she dumped Pepsi on the floor after I told her no.<br><br>
What can I do!? I know she is testing my no. She has no problem with listening and she does understand no. This is only a problem when she is mad at me. It doesn't even always happen with the word no so I know it's not a trigger word for her. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I slapped her hand pretty hard today when she did that. It was so fast (thank you mom and dad for fine raising! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">) and now I feel bad. It's not right and it doesn't teach her anything!<br><br>
How can I get her to stop? I've taken away all the cups she has just so I can get the carpet at least dry a bit. Sippy cups don't work since she knows how to get lids off (screw down, pop/push down...all of them), limiting drinks isn't fair to her since we don't use food as a control thing and I don't want to create food issues. I just want the angry dumping to stop!
 

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Well, for now I would make pouring an off limits activity. i.e. no more pouring on the dishwasher top. I'd give her drinks as she asked for them, but they would have to be in the kitchen, at the table, and if she dumps them (deliberately), I wouldn't refill. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Oh the dishwasher has stopped. Its been locked which has caused a whole new slew of issues.<br><br>
Gotta love the need for independence. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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I dunno if this will help, or if what I'll relate to you will be something compatible with your parenting style, but we have a "Listening Spot" for dd who is also 2. 2.5, actually, and she's had the "Listening Spot" for 6 mo. I don't like time-outs, or the idea of a "Naughty Chair", etc... what we're trying to teach is respect and listening is part of respect. If dd were doing this, dialogue with her might go something like this:<br>
"Dd, I know you can hear my words. You know that's not ok. Please respect my words... it is not ok for you pour pee/milk/juice/water on the floor."<br>
This may be met by protest, to which I respond, "Your choice is to listen and respect the rule so you may continue playing, <b>or</b> walk away and find something else to do. I'll count to 3. Make a choice, or mama will choose for you... and you will take a break in the listening spot until you're ready to listen."<br><br>
Today, dd was throwing one of the dog's toys around, which is usually fine, but she was tossing it <i>at</i> shelves, and the top of the curio cabinet, and there are things that were getting knocked over, etc, that I wouldn't want to fall on her, or to break, so, on the second go-round, I explained that it isn't ok to throw the ball high-up in the house, and she may take it outside to throw it, and she freaked and threw it at a picture frame standing on the shelves, knocking it down and off the shelf. I said, "DD, walk away, <i>NOW.</i> That was <i>not</i> ok." She became very sad, and cried, and after a moment came to me and said, "Mama, I'm sad, now..." So I sat her on my knee and said "Let's talk about it... Did Mama hurt your feelings?" "Yes, you were angry..." I asked, "Why was Mama angry?" She pointed at the shelf and said, "Because I knocked over the picture...?" I answered, "Mama was angry because you did not listen to my words, when I told you throwing the ball like that was not ok. You chose to throw it like that, and so, now, you're done with the ball. Understand?" She was still sad, and nodded... I continued, "If you choose not to listen to Mama's words, you will have to walk away, and you will not be able to play. Are u ready to listen?" She said, "Yes..." and I gave her choice of options... we ended up outside doing side walk chalk...<br><br>
Point is she probably knows exactly what she's doing; however at this age, they lack the articulation to clearly express what they feel, so it comes out physically... you can give your dd the words, by acknowledging: "I know you're frustrated, but it's not ok to mess up the house... What's another way to tell mama how you feel?... You could use your words and say: 'Mama, I'm mad!' and Mama can help you feel better... But it is not ok to pour things on the floor... Next time you choose to pour on the floor, (insert consequenc)." Maybe she could lose toys or privaledges when she chooses not to listen. Have a box you put all her pouring things into... she doesn't get to pour the pee, anymore, until she can do it without pouring it on the floor... etc...<br><br>
Does any of this fit?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
That's a great idea! I think I'll try that for sure.
 

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PrennaMama: Thank you so much for the "listening spot" idea! This is fabulous. It fits in perfectly with what I am doing with almost 2yo ds in saying all the time "listen to mama's words" , "what did mama just ask you to do"<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: I can't wait to introduce the listening spot tomorrow!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Well, for now I would make pouring an off limits activity. i.e. no more pouring on the dishwasher top. I'd give her drinks as she asked for them, but they would have to be in the kitchen, at the table, and if she dumps them (deliberately), I wouldn't refill.</td>
</tr></table></div>
I'd do the same.<br><br>
But I'd give her lots of opportunities for pouring in the bath and outside.
 

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My DS (who just turned 3 last week) is the same way. LOVES to pour *everything*. It drives me nuts. At any rate, if he wants to pour he now has to go into the bath tub to play that game. Sometimes I swear he is in the bathtub like 5 times a day. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
We are going through the same thing you are, and ya he dumps anything in sight when he is mad or just having an obnoxious 2 / 3 year old moment. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
As for the angry dumping (and also throwing in our house *sigh*) I've found to just honestly be ready to pounce and stop it before anything gets dumped/thrown. Or if I see DS getting a little wound up and on the brink of a meltdown I just casually remove anything out of his reach that could possibly be thrown or dumped and that has helped a lot.<br><br>
So if I were you before you have to say no or anything of the sort to DD, be very stealth and remove any dumpable/throwable objects. That is what I have learned. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Because she probably is testing your "no", but it's hard to test it when there is nothing to dump out or get a reaction out of you with - from my experience with DS anyways.<br><br>
I agree totally with what PrennaMama said and we do the same thing in a roundabout way. DS has to be removed from the situation, or the area in which he is mad and starting to dump/throw stuff. So more often than not I take him upstairs to our room where no one else is and where it is safe and just sit with him while he freaks out until he is able to calm down and not throw, dump, hit or destroy anything and then we talk about why we had to come to the bedroom to calm down, we take deep breaths etc etc. I honestly don't know if it is working or not, but when he is in those moments I need to do something to break the cycle he is in/distract him while still trying to keep a connection with him yk? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Don't you just love 2 year olds? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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I suspect she's chosen "pouring things out" as a wa y to express displeasure, and test your reaction, because she's feeling a little unsure about potty training and accidents. The way you handle her deliberate spilling of liquids ontto the floor, could impact potty training in a big way. I'd want to be very relaxed about spills right now if I were you... perhaps act as if it's a simple accident (even though it really isn't) and clean it up matter of factly, with her help, without fanfare or anger. Just the way you would want to handle a potty accident. It's probably not a coincidence that the first time she "poured" something on the floor was immediately after you corrected her on some pottying etiquette... "We don't drink peepee!" heh. (obviously, it might be hard to have a calm matter of fact reaction ALL the time... ha.)<br>
I know this doesn't really address the issue of her defiance/ your frustration; it's just a side note.
 
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