[margotnson]

Good day,

I went looking for a support group today due to the lack of anyone to talk to about my son. What seems to me as a wow, great job son--ends up bringing a strange hostility or ignorance that I'm not sure what to do with. My friends are guilty of this and it leaves me quite sad. I have already read threads on this forum that deals with this strange reaction to gifted children and their parents. I now accept this as a general reaction and read it is best to keep the abilities to yourself. My question is this...if this is your first gifted child, doesn't that leave you with no one but your husband to share it with? What if I have questions or want to share? This is weird to me. My son is only 2 1/2 and I feel alone in this. I don't know what to do with him reading and spelling. Enjoy it, yes. I guess I'm being a baby, I didn't expect this from my friends. I would never suggest their child is less of anything because they are not doing what my son is doing, but I think that is how they take it.

I can handle his feverish need to learn everything, although I am not sure what he will learn in first grade if he keeps this up, lol. I am just wondering how the mothers handle the outcast (if that's the right term for this), I guess that is how I'm feeling. In other words, my son is doing great, it's me who's having trouble adjusting, lol.

One thing, I am very happy to have this place and I'm looking forward to reading ideas and different points of view!

 

[reezley]

Welcome! DS1 sounds like yours - was always looking for more to learn, obsessed with letters, started to read when he was 2.5, and now at 4 is really enjoying reading more "big-kid" type stories and for learning. It's amazing to see and I'm glad he gets such joy about it. But I do also worry about schooling in the future - surely he'll need more challenge than most once he gets to K or 1st. So, I know how you feel.

I just share it all with my family only - DH of course, and my sisters (who have bright kids themselves) and all the grandparents. I do tell my friends sometimes - but they don't have kids yet. I never bring it up to new acquaintances or strangers at the library, etc. - unless they happen to notice and say something first. Then I just say something like "yeah, he likes to read".

I have loved this forum, to be able to come and read about kids who are like my sons. I hardly know any other moms at all, let alone moms of gifted kids, so to be able to "see" so many others out there is nice.

 

[margotnson]

Thank you. I guess I need to follow that good advice. Unfortunately I don't have many family members left. I do see that this would be the place to ask my questions or speak about what he is doing. I was definitely caught off guard thinking friends would be excited and confused like me, lol. I have decided to make his social experiences my focus and learning about friendships and rules. Unless I'm wrong and basically that's a big issue-I don't know if I'm wrong or right here without having someone to bounce ideas off of. Anyway, if academics come so easy to him that I should focus on what I mentioned above although he is polite and friendly already-it couldn't hurt. Do you continue to help your son learn new things? I've been wondering that too. What if he learns too much too soon? I have a hard time getting him away from academics even at the park he sees letters and words in everything. I am hoping to learn about this new road through parents like you. Thanks again for reaching out to us!

 

[joensally]

Here's some of what I've learned parenting two precocious children.

1. It gets better when the kids are older. DD is in gr4 and it's commonly accepted that she's a smartie. Other parents know their kids better than they did when the child was 2.5 - they can see their areas of strength and challenge. At 2.5, things like verbal ability are tangible and I think parents compare and worry, so they're more anxious.

2. Good friends will come around when they adjust to what's happening and have a better understanding that you're coming from the same place of wonder as any other parent. Some friends, that is.

3. Follow your child's lead - if they're interested, driven and sponge like, you shouldn't stand in their way

.

Welcome.

 

[hottmama]

I try to only talk about my gifted son to friends who are childless or other parents of gifted children. I *have* a kid that didn't read until 6 and I know it can feel bad or cause anxiety when another kid is so far ahead. It's natural to worry about your own kid, and others can hear "my 3 yr. old can read" as bragging even when it might be a totally reasonable thing to say in a given situation.
I worry so much about my child and his future, I don't know if we'll be able to find a good school for him and it keeps me up at night, but I just plain can't voice these concerns around other parents who are still working on potty training. It does suck and I wish there was a place where we could come together.

 

[St. Margaret]

This is why I come here. I have no idea if my DD is really gifted, because she's just turning two. But coming here and getting to share what she's doing without worrying that I'm going to offend a friend or make them worry or sound like I'm bragging-- this has really helped. They're our kids, and we love them and are excited for them as they learn and conquer the challenges they set out to tackle-- I think it's perfectly fine to want to share about that (especially if you process and learn by talking or writing, like me!). And reading here has helped me to come up with easy responses for when people put me on the spot about DD's abilities. It's made everything much more chill. So it's a great place, and welcome!

 

[Qbear'smama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by hottmama I try to only talk about my gifted son to friends who are childless ...I worry so much about my child and his future, I don't know if we'll be able to find a good school for him and it keeps me up at night, but I just plain can't voice these concerns around other parents who are still working on potty training...

This captures it for me, I am so excited about things DD is doing and love to come here and share details that would be seen by others as bragging. I have tended to downplay DD's abilities to friends with similar aged kids and still struggle not to do that. I am so glad to hear it gets better as they get older. In the meantime, here we all are.

 

[margotnson]

What a gift this place is. You know, as sensitive to people as I am I can honestly say I didn't realize a reaction might be based on worry about their own child. I've only posted two threads and have already learned so much. The best part is, seems lots of parents feel the same way, which puts me at ease.

Thank you for all the welcomes!

 

[alexsam]

It can be really hard (at first, and at different points), but it will also get easier. Some friends will sift out. You will be able to pick up in other kids similar gifts and then talk about them with their parents. In other words, now that you know what is different about your kid, you will start to see others and you'll find ways to delicately approach them and ask them questions

.

I've been really lucky to have some great friends. They have not felt threatened and we've been able to talk about a lot. I think it is because they've known DS since he was a baby and watched all this come about with me. It wasn't like I was bragging or whatever- when he was a toddler it was plain as day and they saw more for themselves. They also saw the periods of frustration and the challenging personality things that seemed to come along with it. So, they didn't see me as a bragger or whatever and they saw DS as just him. But I still don't bring up EVERYTHING (and unless you have a kid like this or the person is very sensitive or perceptive, other parents don't quite know what to say to you anyway if you ask or look for advice). With my friends, it is about being and knowing us as whole people with the gifted thing as just one aspect.

I've also found it is easier to talk with professionals about some of these parent gifted questions. They are not intimidated or emotionally charged by the questions and have great info. It's not like bonding with another mom, but in some ways its better! When ds was 3, we met with a professional at The Gifted Development Center in Denver and have periodically gone back to them with questions and for guidance and it has been helpful. DS's teacher is amazing. And we've found a few other giftie friends...

Once the weirdness wears off, once you get a handle on how this impacts your child and their life, it is easier to see this as one aspect of their life, not an entirety of who they are and you will be able to talk with other parents about other things- find common ground- and the giftedness will become less of a deal. Of course, it will have it's thorny points, but in toddlerhood is really when it is so extreme and noticable to others and has such a big impact on everything. That gets less as time goes on and interests diversify and milestones and achievements are not really seen at playgroup and the mom-talk turns to sports teams or dance lessons or summercamp and less on ABC's and speech development and the potty

.

 

[AllisonR]

OP, I understand your frustration. You want to share in the joy of your DCs accomplishments, just like any other mom. But you can't.

I agree with so many of the pp's that toddler-hood is the worst. It's so in-your-face. And some people take your child's behaviour as a personal affront to their child. Or maybe their parenting skill. I don't know which, or why.

I joined an english speaking mom and tots group. I learned to shut up. But even that was not enough. I did not have to say a word. My DD would say something longer or more elegant than "Lea eat ice cream", or put on her shoes or whatever..... and some of the moms would react badly to that. So I phased it out. Now DD is in day care, and the providers have seen every type of child on the planet and are used to it all. So nothing phases them, and my DD gets to be herself.

 

[Qbear'smama]

Ok, this kind of relates...I was at a birthday party with DD the other day and the kids had an easter egg hunt in the house, a kids movie was on the tv in the background. DD had a basketful of eggs and started counting them and there was a kind of staring silence from the other parents, KWIM? DD got up to about 12 and I piped up "oh look at the chimpmunks on the movie!" and that distracted DD and she stopped counting. Am I weird to feel uncomfortable in these kinds of situations? There were some comments about DD's verbal skills later and I felt like they were asking how or why, which of course I have no idea how to explain how or why DD does what she does...I said she goes to preschool with mostly 4 year olds, by way of explanation. I can see how it would get easier when they're older and all doing these things.