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Okay a little background. I am 28 in good health, have three beautiful healthy boys (4,3, & 10 months) I had a minorly tough PG with the last one (HBP and swelling) but most of this is attributed to the fact that I am a large woman (250 PP) Well I am losing weight now, plan on being a lot thinner soon (19 lbs so far in a month).

My SIL is 35 and has been trying to get PG since she got married (12 years ago) they finally went through treatments (4th Dr. finally figured out the problem) and did IVF, it took VERY well and she was PG with triplets. She smokes, which doesn't/didn't help the chances of the triplets although she tried to cut down, and did quit when she was hospitalized at 19 weeks along, she started up again now. She went into labor with the triplets at 19 weeks (that is why she was hospitalized) and she got an uterine infection (she is prone to them, this is the reason for her infertility-closed tubes due to repeat infections she didn't even know about) and the babies were all born at 22 weeks, of course they didn't make it. This was last year, I had a 2 month old at the time.

Now I am not for sure that I am done having babies, I MAY want one more, I don't know if my SIL is planning on trying IVF again, they don't have insurance that covers anything but still want a baby badly. I know they have something like 20 embryos that are waiting for implantation if they decide to try again. Now I would LOVE to offer to have a baby for her, being a surrogate is something I have thought long and hard about and something I would like to pursue. I know my SIL would never ask me to do something like that, knowing she wouldn't know how to bring it up. Now I would like to offer incase it is something they would consider, but I don't want her to get upset. I would not ask for anything in return at all, just them covering whatever medical bills need to be covered.

Do you think I should bring it up? and offer? if you were in her situation would you be offended, like I am saying she can't carry a baby on her own? I don't know if she can or not, but I figure with three times under my belt, and the fact that I am a lot younger and don't smoke or drink I probably have a better chance of getting a baby to term. (I would NOT mention that to her though) If I were to bring it up, I am thinking maybe an e-mail would be the best? that way if she is totally offended or upset she could just act like she never got it and neither of us would be feeling weird?

If anyone has some thoughts on a tactful way to offer, so she knows it is an option please let me know, or if you think I am nuts and to let her ask me then please say so.

FYI I am the only female in the family that she really could ask for this, she has 3 sisters, but one has severe problems with PG's (lost a twin, big time GD) the other has a host of medical problems (diabetes, intestinal problems, and is EXTREMELY overweight -400# +) and the third, is way to selfish to ever dream of saying yes, and her DH would NEVER allow it. We have another SIL but she is only 22 and getting ready to have babies of her own.


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That is a very generous offer. But it comes with a lot of strings attached from both sides. I'm just going to throw a few things out there for you to consider.

Could they afford the IVF again, even if it is you that would carry the babies?

How would you feel if they shelled out the money for you to surrogate, and none of the embryos took. Would that interfere with your relationship knowing they had put out the money and the hope (their eggs in your basket, so to speak) but no pregnancy resulted?

If a pregnancy did result, could you deal with the possiblity of multiples and all it would do to your body. Think about this carefully since you are still contemplating another child. Your carrying a child or children for them could definitely affect your ability to carry another child for yourself. If something happened and after this pregnancy you were unable to have more children would you feel resentful?

Have you considered how this pregancy would affect your family, especially if you were carrying multiples and had complications. What if you had to be hospitalized for a lengthy period, or were on extended bedrest?

I must admit that I have concerns about her smoking. I have a hard time when a mother carrying triplets doesn't take her health and the health of her babies seriously enough to quit smoking. That bothers me, though she is probably a wonderful woman.

If you decide this is something you want to offer, I think that an email isn't the wa to do it. In this situation, personal is better. Even if she declines, I'm sure she will be touched and honored that you offered.

Good luck, and I hope it all works out for all of you.
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