Stranger Anxiety - how to tell people w/out being rude!

DD never went through a classic stranger anxiety phase, but she was and still is cautious about new people and situations.

I just keep her close to me (anticipating a need to pick her up), and if someone gets too close (asks to hold her or whatever) I take a clear step backwards, smile, and say "give her a minute to get to know you." Since I'm holding her, I can keep the physical distance DD needs to be comfortable.

Have I offended some people? Probably. I've never had anyone make a nasty comment, though I have had some people get all "oh, but babies love me!" Sure, I'm sure she'll love you - later.

And really, I'd rather offend a stranger or even family, than set DD off screaming and clinging to mama because someone rushed her.

I always tell people my son needs a minute to look around. He still has a lot of anxieties when it comes to big crowds. I just tell them he gets nervous an has stranger anxiety. If your babe is in a pouch couldn't you pull it up a little an babe closer an then explan quickly. I dont know if that helps. I have always just held him close an told people what was what before they came to close. I would even turn my son away from really persistent people.
KC sounds just like I do with ds

I do similar things as pp mentioned. I try and be proactive. Other words/phrases I use are

..."He gets overstimulated very quickly if he's not allowed to absorb new environments." (works well at family gatherings...and dh and I have loud families...and ds does get easily overstimulated there)

..."Oops! Better give him a minute to figure you out first." (for relatives we don't see often)

..."He's coming down off a fussy streak, let's give him a minute."

I personally think that people who insist on getting in a babe's face, or, even worse, insist on holding a screaming baby when the baby clearly only wants to be close to its mother, are very selfish, and I am trying to forgive myself for being rude to them.

T

I was just going to post about this myself! Today a stranger walked right up and held DD's hand. It didn't actually upset DD but it pissed me off! I mean how would an adult feel if someone they didn't know suddenly reached out and held their hand? Pretty freaking weird, I think. I know this stranger didn't have bad intentions, she just had "must touch cute baby" syndrom... but I don't want strangers touching my daughter and I need help figuing out how to prevent it, so I'm finding this thread helpful. Sorry for the vent/thread hijack and thanks for all the good suggestions.

I love how people feel like babies are the public's property. Not really. Joaquin never went through stranger anxiety until very recently when we went back to my hometown and he was surrounded by new places and faces. Usually I tell people just to give him a second to see you and feel your vibe out and then he'll give them a smile. People seem to forget that babies are people too and that they're cautious of new people too!

I'm surprised that people come near the pouch. But either way, with people grabbing at hands and such, I ask them not to touch, and explain that the baby puts her hands in her mouth. (I also carry Purell.) If they come close to the pouch, I might blurt out "She has a cold."

Faith

nak

i've had people come up to me and actually grab at the pouch to pull it open to see my dd - TOTAL STRANGERS, without any warning whatsoever, like, standing in line at the grocery store. i have taken a step back and said, 'she's preemie, so her immune system is not too strong yet. we prefer to keep her a little protected right now.' my dh on the other hand has growled and barked at people - not literally of course - but he has no problem saying 'back off.' or 'don't touch my baby.'

i am polite but firm and if they want to be offended, well, i'll never see them again, so who cares. conversely, i had a woman for the first time ever ask me the other day, 'do you mind if i touch her hand?' and i thought that was so nice. i just said, 'as long as you haven't been sick recently, sure, go ahead.' my dd doesn't seem to mind strangers though, but if she ever does, i think what the pp's have suggested is all great advice.