Strangers talking about spanking to you...

I've never had a stranger tell me that, but I've heard my sister tell people she's just met about spanking her kids.

my DH's grandmother just talked to me about it last night...i was telling her (stupidly, i now realize) that DS had been hitting me that night (long story, he was very annoyed and we tried to have him visit the nursing home and he was NOT happy, then we left WITHOUT Daddy and he freaked out so it had been a crappy night and i had lost my humor too...) and she said "oh, well you can't let him do that" so i'm thinking to myself "no shit. thanks for the tip." and she goes on to say "as soon as they start that you have to smack their little hands and tell them they can't hit you." and of course i'm thinking "yyyyyeah...because he'll really understand the words coming out of my mouth WHILE i'm actually HITTING him. pft." but i just said "yes, i hold his hands in my hands and explain that we don't hit in our family." and she just kept going on about how if i let him start that now, he'll start thinking it's ok and other things will follow, blah blah blah.

don't get me wrong, i love Grandma...but her ways of raising her kids was less than desirable in my opinion. she doesn't "believe" in breastfeeding because you can never tell how much they're drinking. um...ok...i don't even know how to combat that...why does it even matter how many ounces? whatever...anyway...yes...i know what you mean.. unfortunately this wasn't a stranger and i couldn't really make the comments i might have made if it weren't DH's darling Grandma.

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Me too

A man at playgroup today was joking around about how it looks like Simon is going to be tall when he grows up. I mentioned that my dad and Simon's dad are both tall. He started joking that tall people are bad. Short people are good. They stay short b/c people are always petting their heads and saying how good they are. He told Simon that he should go and tell Grandpa that he's so tall b/c he's full of bull (or something equally lame), and then added that after saying that, Simon should run off -- implying that Grandpa would hit him for the stupid joke. What a moronic thing to say. I just sat there with a stupid half-smile on my face and didn't comment. Now I feel as though I should have said something. I need to start assuming that Simon understands what is going on.

It isn't too common around here (at least not from my experience) for strangers to talk about spanking. CIO, that is another story. Both are done in private as well (again from my experience). It is very rare indeed to see someone spank a child in public around here (I'm in Ontario, Canada) and the parent would be given a tonne of dirty looks for doing that and I wouldn't be surprised if someone called the police too.

My parents beat me up through my childhood and the last time was when I was 16. My parents are coming over this summer and this shall be the first time they see our babies (long story: mom was diagnosed with cancer last year...). I know GD/spanking is going to come up and now I dread my parents having comments like those mentioned above : I guess I'll take it as it comes.

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I'm so sorry, Siana! I hope that you can just SHOW your parents how well GD works. I think that people can't deny how well GD works when they see it in action...just like Rainbow's comments about the woman in the restaurant. I hope that the visit will go well. Come to the boards if you need support!!! I'll be thinking of you!!!

S.

I do see it a little differently, at least among both the younger and older people I interact with - or maybe it's just wishful thinking, hoping for the best. It seems to me, when they go on and ON and ON about spanking, CIO, etc is that they are trying to reassure themselves more and more the less reaction or nonplussed reaction they receive. Sort of like, "I WAS right, wasn't I? Or was I? Why, yes I was, even though you are giving me no positive reassurances."

A grandma in our family said the same thing along the lines of PP, "your daughter is so well behaved. a lot of parents only threaten their children with spanking but then never follow through, what kind of parenting is that." She's said this to me on several occasions with no reaction from me or the usual "huh" when I disagree. I was sooo tired of hearing it.

This time, I was like, "uh yeah grandma, but we've never spanked DD, we haven't ever used time-out even. we give choices, we have high expectations for behavior, but we also coslept and breastfed for years - i think it's more about the relationship?"

Grandma says, "oh. well she seems all right anyways, I guess..."

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I don't know if I'd be brave enough to say it--I guess it depends on the context of meeting the stranger--but once when I was discussing GD with a stranger , she told me that a man had been bragging to her in just the same way as the guy Maxwill129 met, and she told him in her best gentle active-listening voice, "Sounds like beating your children makes you feel really good about yourself!"