stretch marks: little red badges of courage

I wrote about this on my blog a little while back, but I thought you mamas might have some tips, some sympathy, or want to share a laugh

Overheard at our house:

"Mama, what are all those lines all over your belly?"

: "stretch marks ... from my belly growing and my skin stretching as the baby grows inside me."

"oh"

Later on I caught her drawing on her belly - she told me she was making her own stretch marks! I don't know whether to think it's adorable (How cute she is!), be envious (At least her's will wash off &#8230 or horrified (My word! Look how many she drew! Is that what mine look like? : )

Someone asked me a few years ago, after noticing the stretch marks I had from my pregnancy with Boo, "Why didn't you use lotion?!" Friends, this belly - then and now - is the most lotioned, moisturized, lanolized, rubbed, pampered belly in the Midwest. My husband would freak out, but during my first pregnancy I even bought this $17 bottle of wonder lotion that was supposed to help prevent stretch marks (and trust me, kids, there was no room in the budget 5 years ago for $17 lotion) and I got them anyway. :

A favorite mama friend once suggested vernix to me. Which, really, is a great moisturizer, especially if your child happens to be born covered with it the way Boo was, and is immediately placed on your belly. My stomach has never felt silkier. (and hopefully I didn't just gross out everyone reading this )

But, what about the other 40 weeks before the birth? What I am I supposed to do about that? Sneak into local births? : Declare myself the "official vernix wiper" cleaning babies off and rubbing my belly - "Don't mind me, ma'am, I'm just here for the vernix."

Perhaps it is because, at 32, I am an "older mother" (I hate that term!), but I think that whether I had had my first child at 27 or 17, I would have had some stretch marks. I'll admit that my skin isn't as elastic as it used to be, but I honestly think I'm just one of those women whose body doesn't stretch as "gracefully" for lack of a better term, no matter *what* I rub into it. Some of us can go into our 3rd trimesters wearing our normal jeans and some of us broke out the elastic waistbands at oh, around, 10 weeks. Some of us are completely drained and wiped out by pregnancy, and some of us have more energy and creativity than ever. Some of us retain our smooth skin and some of us become living road maps.

Which is not to say, that I don't want and welcome opinions, recommendations, home remedies, kitchen table wisdom, and sage advice regarding stretch marks. In fact, bring it on! Just try to keep it under $17 a bottle and keep in mind I'm not in the vernix swiping business.