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I hope this is the right place to post this. I have decided after 14 years together to finally leave a toxic relationship. We have three kids together. While I am excited I am also terrified of being on my own financially. I am scared that he is going to show me a side of him that I have never seen before. There has always been a part of me that held back from him and was afraid of him. I never knew why since he never has hit me or done anything crazy, but I am afraid that he will go nuts once he realizes that once I am gone I am not coming back to him. I am scared that I am just plain bieng selfish and that my kids will hate me for this and I am scared that my mil might use this as an excuse to try to get ds1 away from me/us. I am looking for a place right now but having trouble finding something affordable with no waiting list. I don't want to be there anymore. He is keeping the house. When I go home after work I get really depressed and hide away from everyone because going home to him is too hard for me anymore. Especially when he sits tehre and tries to tell me how sad he will be without me. Like I need him to heap on extra doses of guilt. THen there is my family(or rather his). I know I will be getting an earful. I am at a time in my life where I no longer fear other peoples opinions. I stayed in a relationship way longer than I should have in order to do what everyone else thinks is right. I dont care what everyone else thinks of me at this point, I just don't want to have to be fighting with everyone on this, mainly mil. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks.
 

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The beginning is the scariest part. The unknown is something none of us can predict.<br><br>
I am a firm believer that everyone has the right to be happy. I too have stayed in relationships too long and that's not healthy. It sounds like after a lot of serious thought, you are making a wise decision for yourself and your children right now. You deserve credit for that because it is difficult to take that risk and break free from the toxicity.<br><br>
The guilt does fade with time. When you get more distance (physically and emotionally) from the relationship and in time if you see how you are thriving (and your kids too) the guilt will start to disappear.<br><br>
Making the decision to leave, I think is the most difficult part. The other, logistical things will start to fall into place. You will find a place, you will move, figure out finances etc. It will happen if this is what you really want.<br><br>
Be strong and follow your heart. I know it is scary, but you will get through this.
 

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Sounds like me. You can do it! It is incredibly terrifying the first little while. All the what if's and can I's. You can and who cares about the what if's, they sort themselves out in the end. Welcome to a life where you don't have to hide and can do things by your rules, and the only expectations you have to meet are your own.<br><br>
Meg
 
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