Mothering Forum banner

1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,246 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all,<br><br>
I wanted to throw this out and see if there was anyone else in a similar spot: Are there any other Not Yet Mamas who are still vacillating about whether to become a parent? I'm going back and forth on it for various reasons: DH not too into the idea of parenthood, family history of depression, worried about regrets later on both sides of the coin, adore my niece and love spending time with her, want to raise a loving, kind member of society who might help save this planet, financial concerns, etc. I love the idea of becoming a mother but worry about whether I could hack the day to day stuff, whether it's fair to inflict myself and this messed-up world on an innocent, whether the world needs another human it can't sustain. I come to MDC because I am a researcher by nature and by trade and look to learn more. If I do become a mother, the ideas and practices here are what I'd like to strive for.<br><br>
Can anyone else relate, or am I all alone out here? (Cue up the crickets chirping.)<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/tiphat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Tiphat">:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
20 Posts
MountainLaurel,<br>
I could have posted exactly what you wrote (I also have a niece that I adore). I lurk here, because the parenting practices are of great interest to me, but I don't know if I'll ever be ready to raise a child of my own. I know, everyone says, "you're never ready." I just have so many serious doubts, like you, about the day to day stuff. My dh also, I think, will never be ready.<br><br>
My one fear about <i>not</i> having children is being old and having no one with me. We are very close to our families, emotionally and geographically. I have two sisters who are my best friends, but what if they're gone one day? Will dh and I end up two crazy lonely people with absolutely no family, no one to share holidays, etc?<br><br>
Anyway, sort of deep for a first post, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
31,346 Posts
I don't qualify, since I do have a child. She is 16. Had her back when I was young and selfish enough not to even consider any of the things you mentioned. But I went through all those questions when trying to decide to have a second child. Partly because I knew what I was getting myself into also, lol. But partly due to having grown up enough to see the bigger picture than just the cute baby face.<br><br>
Anyway, just wanted to support your thread. I think that you ask important questions.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,268 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MountainLaurel and rapunzelgirl</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hi all,<br><br>
I wanted to throw this out and see if there was anyone else in a similar spot: Are there any other Not Yet Mamas who are still vacillating about whether to become a parent? I'm going back and forth on it for various reasons: DH not too into the idea of parenthood, family history of depression, worried about regrets later on both sides of the coin, adore my niece and love spending time with her, want to raise a loving, kind member of society who might help save this planet, financial concerns, etc. I love the idea of becoming a mother but worry about whether I could hack the day to day stuff, whether it's fair to inflict myself and this messed-up world on an innocent, whether the world needs another human it can't sustain. I come to MDC because I am a researcher by nature and by trade and look to learn more. If I do become a mother, the ideas and practices here are what I'd like to strive for.<br><br>
Can anyone else relate, or am I all alone out here? (Cue up the crickets chirping.)<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/tiphat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Tiphat">:<br><br>
MountainLaurel,<br>
I could have posted exactly what you wrote (I also have a niece that I adore). I lurk here, because the parenting practices are of great interest to me, but I don't know if I'll ever be ready to raise a child of my own. I know, everyone says, "you're never ready." I just have so many serious doubts, like you, about the day to day stuff. My dh also, I think, will never be ready.<br><br>
My one fear about <i>not</i> having children is being old and having no one with me. We are very close to our families, emotionally and geographically. I have two sisters who are my best friends, but what if they're gone one day? Will dh and I end up two crazy lonely people with absolutely no family, no one to share holidays, etc?<br><br>
Anyway, sort of deep for a first post, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
mountainlaurel and rapunzelgirl,<br><br>
I'm in the same boat as you guys and yor dhs are in, well getting and giving birth still scares me a little bit. Want to adopt from overseas if I still don't feel comfortable having a baby/s of my own.<br><br>
Thank you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,246 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>rapunzelgirl</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Anyway, sort of deep for a first post, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
And that means all the world to me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> It seems that most people have got this down by the time they're my age (33).<br><br>
Actually, I did too at one point: My plan was to finish graduate school (at 32), move out of the DC area to somewhere I could afford to raise a child by myself, and get inseminated. But then I had to go and fall in love and get married. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I'd always told myself that I could be a parent, or I could be a wife, but not both: I'd half-jokingly commented to my mother that the injustices of being a hetero mom -- e.g., having to deal with a husband who doesn't pull his weight and who behaves worse than a child (I think there's a natural progression toward unequal relationships even in the most progressive thinking men, and there aren't many of those) would frustrate me to the point of suicide or murder. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: Now that I've made a choice between the two, I'm not so sure about giving up the other.<br><br>
Anyway, thanks for commenting! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,246 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thank you Arduinna, for your thoughts. I often wonder what would have happened if I had gotten pregnant at an earlier phase in my life, when I wasn't worried about retirement accounts, the negatives of public schooling, the possibility of global war.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,268 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>teagreenribbons</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">mountainlaurel and rapunzelgirl,<br><br>
I'm in the same boat as you guys and yor dhs are in, well getting and giving birth still scares me a little bit. Want to adopt from overseas if I still don't feel comfortable having a baby/s of my own.<br><br>
Thank you.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
P.S. I forgot to put this link to this thread.<br><br><a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=315119&highlight=seasonale" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ight=seasonale</a>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,246 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks for the link. I hope you're doing better these days. The medication maze is a nightmare: so much trial and error.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,268 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MountainLaurel</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thanks for the link. I hope you're doing better these days. The medication maze is a nightmare: so much trial and error.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
mountainlaurel,<br><br>
Your welcome. I wrote this when I first came here 8 months ago (July, 2005). I'm doing much better and some days I suffered from seasonal affected this disorder (SAD). Totally agree with what you said about the medication been a maze is a nightmare: so much trial and error.<br><br>
Thank you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,246 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>teagreenribbons</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Totally agree with what you said about the medication been a maze is a nightmare: so much trial and error.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
It always puts me in mind of a comment my husband made in reference to his experience trying to work with a neurologist to determine why he was having night seizures: "You'd have just as much luck trying to read the entrails of a dead bird."<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
55 Posts
im not really sure if i do belong to this thread.<br><br>
well, i am in a lesbian relationship and long before accepted that i will never have a child of my own coz we're both girls, right?<br>
we planned to adopt a child but maybe someday when we're both ready.<br><br>
if you will ask me, i am contented with my girlfriend and will definetely build a family of our own even if we just adopt a baby.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,246 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>caffeine_kittie</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">im not really sure if i do belong to this thread.<br><br>
well, i am in a lesbian relationship and long before accepted that i will never have a child of my own coz we're both girls, right?<br>
we planned to adopt a child but maybe someday when we're both ready.<br><br>
if you will ask me, i am contented with my girlfriend and will definetely build a family of our own even if we just adopt a baby.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Welcome anyway!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
55 Posts
thank you very much! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
have a great day everyone!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top