[twins+1mommy]

My partner of 17 years just left me and my 3 kids (6 years old and almost-2-year-old twins) last weekend. I'm just devastated - I don't know how to go on. I feel like all the joy has been crushed out of me. I can barely manage to slog through the day doing all the things I need to do. I feel so alone and lonely. She moved her stuff out yesterday and moved into an apartment today. And my 6 year old is having her first overnight there tonight, so I'm desperately missing her, too.

I just can't bear being alone. I feel like I'm dying without her. I don't want to be alone forever.

And the thought of making dinner every night, doing bedtime alone, taking care of the house and all 3 kids' needs 24/7 without relief is just so overwhelming. Plus this situation demands that I go back to work, too, so I have to deal with finding a job and putting my twins in daycare. I'm hoping I can find something part-time so I don't have to be away from them all day but we'll see. I've been a total SAHM since I was pg with the twins and was home about 85% with my oldest.

I feel so abandoned. I thought we would be together forever. I know we were having some issues - but these were the typical issues of a couple with little kids - too much stress, too little money, too little time, too little intimacy. And we were on the threshold of good things - had just paid off a car, the twins are getting bigger and sleeping better, she was about to get a new job with a raise.

I never wanted this kind of life for my kids - being divided between 2 houses. I have all this ugly orange writing on my calendar indicating when my kids won't be with me. I never wanted to be a part-time mom - I don't want my kids away from me like this. Every week my oldest is away at least one evening and one overnight. The twins are away from me for a whole day minimum.

I just don't know how to go on. I feel sick, can't eat or sleep, have no energy.

We are seeing a couples therapist, but it's too little, too late, I'm afraid. She's made is explicitly clear that she doesn't want to reconcile. I desperately do. I'm afraid there's someone else in the picture and thus her refusal to even consider working on making it work.

I know there are no easy answers. Just looking for cyber hugs, primarily. And to know how others have managed to get through this time.

Thanks!
Karen, mommy to Macy (6) and Ben & Calla (2 next week)

 

[Cutie Patootie]

Ooooooh mama!

I am so sorry. I didn't want to read and not post. You will find lots of support here.

 

[twins+1mommy]

Thanks so much!

 

[Mackenzie]

So sorry too

 

[Socks!]

No real advice here either, just support.

 

[nancyw]

so so sorry, mama.

I have not had to get through this, but my mom did. I know through her how devastating a thing it is.

strength, love, and peace being sent your way.

 

[TeaBag]

I'm still working through a LOT of the emotions you mentioned. I've heard it gets easier, but I'm still waiting for that day.

 

[lauraheartslittle1]

No advice - just lots of hugs.

 

[mmace]

Hugs from me too - I'm also a single mom of three kids, and I know how devestated you feel right now. Believe it or not, it does get better. We're always here when you need to talk...

 

[Jilian]

I'm sorry your having a hard time mama

It's hard when you get blind sided like that and it takes time to recover. Just be good to yourself and lean on your friends and family if you can. You'll get through it, I promise

 

[Autumnschild]

I can only give the advice I give myself. Baby steps, take it a day at a time because it is all so overwhelming. The kids will be fine as long as you keep your head above the water. They are amazingly resilient. Mine just started FT daycare last month. I was also a SAHM since they were born. Mine are 2 and 4 years old. I still get choked up when I drop them off in the morning, but they are happy to be there and happy to see me when I pick them up. I guess that is half the battle. Knowing they'll be okay.

My heart goes out to you. You'll do okay. You just have to get past the bumpy part.

 

[Haydee]

Lots of hugs from me mama, I'm sorry your going through such a hard time.

 

[Tonia80]

Oh sweety I can so relate. MY DH walked out on us 5 weeks back and I am all alone with 3 kids, ages 5,3 and 1. He has a girlfriend and that is in my face all teh time. I am struggling as I was a SAHM and have no car, no money and no job. I dont' have a clue what I am gonna do. I cannot even get to teh store for milk without a huge hassle so not a clue hwo to get a job with no car! I understand the feelings all too well. No advice as I am muddling through myself but I wanted to tell you you are not alone and send you hugs. I find joy in my kids everyday, I make myself have fun with them even if I literally have to force myself to. Take them outside, co sleep with all 3 of them, have food fighst, etc.... Anything to get our minds off reality for a few minutes and add joy to our house. Hugs to you. I hope it gets easier with time. I knwo I am better now than I was teh first week. You will find your strength.

 

[ebony]

Oh mama!!! I'm so sorry that you are in so much pain

I, too, am a single mama, for a number of years now. I know how devastating it is. Dealing with a broken heart on top of all the other "practical" things you now have to deal with is a tall order for the strongest amongst us. But, as other mamas said, you will get through it.

I remember I was heartbroken at the time the movie "The Hours" came out. I sort of adopted that concept for my own healing (minus the suicide

). I'd wake up in the morning in tears and would literally have to talk myself out of bed. Once out of bed and dressed, I would celebrate when I made it to noon. Seriously, I was really living by minutes and not hours. I can't even tell you how many times I burst into tears in one day, for many days.

Eventually, you come to realize, or at least accept as true, all those mantras your good friends toss at you: "you're better off", "there is someone better for you" (if you can even think about someone else, I know I couldn't), etc.

After 17 yrs, it's such a shake-up in your whole existence. I can't even imagine. At least when my ex-gf and I split I already had my son so we weren't raising him together anyway. I was able to make a clean break. It must be difficult having to continue to see her and not be able to with her. Whatever you do, you must get out of bed every single day- start there and keep going.

Patience is called for. It takes time and a proactive desire to move forward in your life. It WILL get better...it will

 

[SoulJourney]

nak

couldn't read w/out giving you a

...keep your chin up mama!

 

[2sweetboysmom]

 

[forthebest]

to you mama, what an awful time for you,be good to yourself.

 

[shoefairy3]

no advice here...just hugs and support

 

[momof4peppers]

Hugs momma. Take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, whatever it takes to get yourself through. Try not to dwell on the 'what if' or 'wish it were differents'. You're strong! You're the mom of twins! You can handle ANYTHING. Seriously.

I'll be praying for you.

 

[cheyennemama]

I know how you're feeling. I think we all do. It's horrible and painful and amazingly heartbreaking! But you will survive. And your kids will too. I know SO what you mean when you say that this wasn't your plan. We too had hopes and dreams and plans for the next 75 yrs and he trashed them all. You're going to be okay.

I told my 4 yo yesterday, "Yeah we're family with daddy still. We'll aways be family. You, Chandler, and I- we're a team! We're a great team." And although I'm of course the mommy and the ruler

, I do feel like a team with the kids. We have a routine and a system that works for us three.... and soon you and your kiddos will fall into a pattern and you'll be okay.