[mocha09]

I have a 17 month old dd.

I babysit a 10 month old boy and a 2 1/2 year old boy (not at the same time).

My 17 month old is grabbing things from the 10 month old a lot and prying things out of his hand, pushing him and stuff.

She and the 2 1/2 year old engage in grabbing/pushing with each other.

None of this behavior is what I would call at a problem level frequency, and I see it all as very normal toddler behavior. It usually only happens when we are in my home, and I try to make sure the kids are out playing somewhere where toys and sharing won't be an issue. There is enough time spent at home, however, where these kinds of things do occur.

Here's what I've been doing: distraction distraction distraction. Explaining the best I can that x feels said when his/her toys are grabbed away.

Emphasizing turn taking to the 2 older ones.

If it gets too extreme, I take the toy and put it up so no one can play with it.

Give each of the kids a "special" toy they can pick out each day that they don't have to share, ever.

Tell the oldest boy (because he is the only one who is verbal, although he is not totally verbal) to yell for help instead of yelling and pushing and grabbing. This hasn't worked yet, but I'm keeping up on this one, hoping that when he does yell for help I will emphasize how happy I am that he chose to ask for help instead of pushing/grabbing/yelling so now everyone is safe.

I also pick up the child who is trying to take over the other's toy and move them to another location, pointing out a neat toy over here to play with and start engaging them in that kind of play.

What do you think of these techniques? Are there more? Things I could be doing better? Overall, I think things are going well, but having more and better ways to deal with this will make it go even better.

TIA.

 

[Piglet68]

I would do just as you are doing. I think at their ages it's too much to expect them to share, especially given the age differences, the pressure will be unfairly put on the older one b/c he's the most capable. So I would be all about prevention, redirection, etc. Certainly talk to them about sharing, introduce the concepts, but dont' try to force it.

I think you are doing just great!

 

[NoHiddenFees]

I'm not one for explanations at this age. We talk about feelings at other times. DD's now 2.5. When she started taking things from other kids, I'd state the rule: "We don't take things from other people's hands" and ask her to give it back. Then offer and follow through "helping" her give it back if she didn't. No anger, no other remedy or mention. Ditto for pushing. Usually I'll remind her about rules before playdates, but in the same offhand manner I'll say, "xxxx and yyyy will be there too." I do make sure she's paying attention first though.

I'm generally not big on the forced taking of turns. Rather I'll ask her if she wants to take turns (likewise if she wants a toy somene else is playing will, we'll ask and abide by the answer). The obvious exception is something like playground equipment or exhibit stations at the science museum. We do talk about special toys, and how when someone leaves a special toy out by accident it's nice to give it back, just like with her special toys.

I'm not sure how I'd handle it if she were more persistant... I think she's a pretty easy baby/toddler. At first I felt a bit weird saying "We...."; it just came out. But these really are family rules and don't just apply to her.

 

[pamelamama]

 

[mocha09]

Pam, does that nutty face represent you, or me?

lol

 

[pamelamama]