summer tutor/ summer school

Why don't you teach her yourself informally over the summer and she how she does? It really takes very little effort to get a 5 or 6 year old who is ready to read. I am currently teaching my 6 year old so that he can read by 1st grade -- he isn't taught reading in his play-based kindergarten -- and he is making rapid progress, I think he will easily be a fluent reader by the end of the summer. I am personally going with the traditional phonics approach which is working for us, but there are other methods. Do rhyming word games in the car, sing the alphabet song, play I Spy, read together. As for math again, make it into a game, also. Encourage her to play with manipulatives.

Having said, that if you truly don't think she is ready for the rigors of an academic first grade and feel it will have a negative effect on her emotionally, I would hold her back. It is a bit unfair of your DH to blame you. It certainly isn't your fault. I don't think it is anyone's fault, it is what it is. Did your DH attend the parent/teacher conference and get that impression for your DD teacher?

I've been working on reading skills with dd since she was a toddler. She's never been amazing, but a steady "normal". I've found that no matter how much or little I try dd just picks things up when she's ready. She get angry when pushed to much. Teacher reported that when the class does group reading together dd will push the book away in frustration.
Dh truly blames me and dd does pick up on it. Her response is to blame me for her lacking skills. dd even blamed me for letting her co-sleep and said I should have trained her to sleep by herself. Hmm, see a pattern of blame and I'm seeing Dh as the root

It sounds like you have been doing everything "right". You can't push a child into learning if they aren't ready, it will only create frustrations all round, as you have experienced. I don't know what advice to give you concerning your DH, but do you have any other options for schooling for your DD: a different school, even homeschooling? How is she in class, is she happy, does she act out at all, besides not wanting to do group reading? Does she go willingly every morning?

dd is very happy with school. Has never not wanted to go and is sad if she's sick and can't go. Teacher reports wonderful behavior. She's never had separation issues and loves new things, people, and places. The reading anger has just recently started though before this dd has mentioned that she had a friend help her with her work. I think dd is one of the slowest and as they sit at group tables her neighbours are more than willing to help.
I've mentioned about doing another year of K to her, as I said I went into this very open with dd that she might need another year. ss is a late summer bd with most of the class a fall/early winter. dd is noticeable shorter than most. dd doesn't want to do another year of K. I'm not sure of all the reasons. I'm sure she doesn't want to "loose" her friends. dd has been very happy go lucky that this is the first thing she has truly wanted to do but can't.
I'm looking into other schools but nothing really outstanding is out there. She's in public 1/2 day K. dd and I butt heads alot I don't think HS is for us. I'm good with unschooling, as we do very educational stuff but I think dd needs some professional help with some things. She will be seeing a reading specialist once a week with 8 classmates. I'm hoping that will shed some light on her specific issues.