[jt'smum]

DD is 7 and will again be going to visit her dad this summer. He would like her to stay for 8 weeks. DD is okay with this however she doesnt really have a since of how long that really is. I was thinking 4 weeks would be good. Last summer she went for 2 weeks, summer before was 4 weeks, and summer before that was 8 weeks. She does okay but last summer was upset after 3 days and was calling me telling me she wanted to come home and I needed to come get her "right now". He live in Boston we are in KS so that isn't exactly doable. He is very good with her and takes good care of her so safety isn't an issue. My only gripe is last summer after two weeks she came back and had gained about 8lbs because he feeds her junk and according to her she watched Disney everyday when she came home from sitter. Here she is outside from sun up to sundown and very active and we don't do a lot of junk food etc.

How long do your kids visit? Should I mention to him that we don't do a lot of junk food here and to keep it healthy while she is there?

 

[Ione]

What does your court order say?

 

[jt'smum]

No court order. We were never married and have always decided on length etc. ourselves.

 

[GoBecGo]

Is there any way you can visit her while she's there?

8 weeks seems super-long to me, thinking back to that age (heck i just gave up sugar for Lent and that felt like ages and i'm 28!) when summer holidays from school felt endless...

I would expect her to be upset after a few days even if it's only 2 or 4 weeks she's there, because there's always that point in a visit like that when you realise this is the new normal for the next however long and you pine for your old normal.

But maybe if you could visit hr after say a week or 2 she would have that to look forward to and it would lessen it all - i'd leave it at least a week because if you rock up in the middle of the pining she'll definitely want to come home with you.

Does she see her dad much during the year?

ETA - definitely mention the junk food but i find with XP that mentioning brings some resitance, whereas forwarding articles/news items on my reasons WHY i do something always works - he is stricter about sugar and such than i am now! And he is way better at spotting the hidden additives too!

 

[jt'smum]

This summer I won't be able to. In summers past it has worked. I am going to ask if he would settle for 3 or 4 weeks. He said he has gained a lot of weight so going to somehow mention that she eats healthy and is very active so that should help him loose weight.

She sees him only about once a year. Talks to him daily and skypes too.

 

[homewithtwinsmama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jt'smum DD is 7 and will again be going to visit her dad this summer. He would like her to stay for 8 weeks. DD is okay with this however she doesnt really have a since of how long that really is. I was thinking 4 weeks would be good. Last summer she went for 2 weeks, summer before was 4 weeks, and summer before that was 8 weeks. She does okay but last summer was upset after 3 days and was calling me telling me she wanted to come home and I needed to come get her "right now". He live in Boston we are in KS so that isn't exactly doable. He is very good with her and takes good care of her so safety isn't an issue. My only gripe is last summer after two weeks she came back and had gained about 8lbs because he feeds her junk and according to her she watched Disney everyday when she came home from sitter. Here she is outside from sun up to sundown and very active and we don't do a lot of junk food etc. How long do your kids visit? Should I mention to him that we don't do a lot of junk food here and to keep it healthy while she is there?

As one who had to do this as a kid I say four weeks is long enough and I would absolutely tell him that she gained 8 lbs from inactivity and junk food and that he needs to make sure she has more to do this time round. 8 weeks of bad food and not enough exercise would be really bad for her health and I would not risk it.

 

[GoBecGo]

re-reading and 8lbs in 2 weeks is an INSANE gain for even an adult, let alone a kid, so probably you do need to really press with the junk food issue. Can you teach her how to make her own simple meals she can prepare for herself and her dad and send her with a set of shopping lists and recipes some of which need help/supervision and some she can manage alone?

 

[Ceinwen]

Most couples I know where the NCP gets an extended summer visitation - the max is four weeks. I don't know anyone who gets eight weeks...

My ex sees the kids every second weekend - he gets one week in July and one week in August

 

[jt'smum]

Okay will push for 4 weeks. I was really hacked about it. DD even knew she was a bit chubbier her shorts were tight! I am going to stress to him she doesn't need to clean her plate. Pasta 6 out of 7 nites is not okay and she doesn't have to have sweets after every meal.

 

[HappilyEvrAfter]

My ex gets 6 weeks for now (DS is 4) and 8 weeks when DS turns 6.
During that time I get two options for visitation which I have to designate.

We did it very successfully last year. It took some adjustment when DS returned, but it seemed to turn out alright.

 

[moondiapers]

With dd she started with 2 weeks at summer time, then added 1 week each summer until summer was split equally.

 

[moondiapers]

FTR my12yo dd hates summer visits, says they are too long. She's talking to her dad about going 2 weeks at a time this summer (ie: two weeks with dad, two weeks at home, two weeks with dad, two weeks at home etc.)