[TirzhaZ]

I have been posting a lot the last couple days because it's nice to feel like I can relate to some of the women on this site. Now I'm hoping someone can relate to me and give a little insight into how they've been able to cope.

When Anna was born, my husband was in school. I knew it was going to be hard, but wasn't prepared for how hard it really was. It was me and our beautiful new baby from 7am until 9pm Monday through Thursday because my husband works full time and was in school full time as well. Friday and Saturday he left for work at 7am and came home whenever the work was done (he is currently a mover and gets off of work at different times every day.) His only day off is Sunday.

Co-sleeping went well at first and then I grew more and more sleep deprived with each passing night since I'm such a light sleeper. We had to transition to part-time co-sleeping so I could get a little shut-eye. I couldn't nap during the day while Anna was napping because I went back to work part-time when she was 4 weeks old and full-time when she was 6 weeks old. The sleeping is getting much better because Anna is only waking up once a night most of the time, but I feel like I'll be playing catch up forever!

DH finished the spring semester in May and I thought things would get easier. WRONG! His company is very busy right now, so he is still gone until the late evening sometimes, and sometimes he is gone over night! I spent an entire weekend using every moment Anna was sleeping to clean up around our apartment. I did nearly two dozen loads of laundry, a lot of unpacking (we moved shortly before Anna was born in January), lots of dishes, and even more organizing. Now, it's all back to how it was because he doesn't do ANY cleaning. I feel so stressed out when he comes home that we usually end the day with some bickering. I came up with a plan to keep everyone happy. I set a rule that we both had to do ten minutes of cleaning every evening so that we could keep our apartment inviting (filth just makes me feel stressed!) Well, he hasn't been keeping his end of the bargain and promised once again that he will start tonight. I really need him to take care of the family's needs before he takes care of his personal needs. I don't have that luxury!

I need a break! Don't get me wrong, I absolutely positively adore our daughter. She is the light of my life and I have no idea how I survived without her! It's just that I feel so worn down and don't really know how to change that. The best pick-me-up I've found is 30 minutes of good cardio excercising. DH promised to watch Anna while I work out in the evenings, but it's hard to do that when he is never here! And by the time Anna is in bed for the evening I am too exhausted to spend more energy working out.

I just want to scream when he comes home from work, grabs a beer, and plops down on the couch. I know he has a very hard job and is working hard to earn money for our family, but so am I. I go to work (and have a very demanding job) and then I come home and continue working until the next morning when I start all over again. Sometimes I wish that I could just walk out the door and escape for 24 hours just so he could see what it really means to be a parent. He would be forced to see what I go through. But then I don't want to be away from Anna that long and it isn't fair for her. And he really is a good father. He loves Anna so much and is so gentle with her. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I guess I'm just frustrated at how everything seems to be falling on me to take care of. I can't do everything!

Know what I mean?

 

[Shazer]

You're not alone! My husband works 14+ hour days. I stay at home with my baby, which, as you know, is exhausting. Usually DH leaves for work around 8 in the morning and comes home at 11 or midnight. That means I am with the baby all day without help and my baby, at only four months, needs constant attention during the day. Plus, she sleeps little during the day. DH doesn't ever get a chance to watch her while I exercise or clean the kitchen or do laundry. And I do everything for the house. Because DH is saving his company through all of his hard work, he can't cut back at all. He is stressed, depressed that he can't spend more time with us, and overly tired.

I did find a solution to help me and I don't know if this can help you out since you work so much yourself . . . a young woman comes to my house for a couple of hours a few times per week to watch my daughter while I clean or mow the lawn. I'm always there when the babysitter is there. She is a teacher and her husband is in Iraq, so she is unemployed over the summer and very lonely. Anyway, it is a nice arrangement because when she comes over, I can get things done, and she benefits by getting out of the house.

Maybe in the evenings when you are home, if there is a neighborhood teenage or young adult woman, you could get the help you need. It just makes all the difference in the world to have someone I trust in my home with my daughter. Plus I'm able to chat with this woman while I"m nursing or just around the house.

I hope this helps.

 

[louloubean]

i'm sure you are not alone!

a couple things i found worked for me:
check out the flylady. (google her) she sends you an inspirational message every day and helps keep you on track (and sane!!) with the load of housework. my sister clued me into her and it's been great!

i walk/jog with mr.baby in a jogging stroller. we both get fresh air, and i finally get a workout. he oftens naps then too.

i also try and do housework with him in a sling. he seems to find housework amusing.

try to get a baby sitter and BOTH of you go on a date. connect. share. tell him how you feel and see how he is feeling. i discovered my dh felt left out, because mama bear always swooped in to take care of baby.

hang in there mama!

 

[katie9143]

i am right there with you only im a sahm....so im with her ALL DAY LONG.....24 hrs a day. my husband has a regular day job that he works about 45-50 hrs a week and then he is in the military and does the evening/night shift every night except fri....so that is the only night that he seven sleeps at home. if im lucky he spends 1-2 hrs each evening at home and then on the weekends he flys normally for half or the entire day - IT SUCKS. he promised me that it would change when amelia was born, his military contract was up jan 1 but he says he is obligated to keep up doing the jobs he has been doing until his release papers are processed. and that sounds like it is totally not fair at all considering he fulfilled his side of the contract....

the only break i ever get is when we either go to my parents house for the weekend or they come here and then my mum gladly takes over for me!!

we also fight a lot about the situation....it really really sucks - i know how u feel - wish i had some advice!!