[Ben's Mommy]

Welcome mommas to the November thread. Let's see some sticky ones this month (and the next few of course). For those new to the thread; it's a place for support for anyone with a prior birth or pregnancy loss who is ttc again or thinking about it or now pregnant. There are a bunch of wonderful, wise and supportive mommas here, so feel free to jump in!

Oh, and almost forgot:

TTC MEMBERS:

Jeana (JBaxter) - Logan 11/91, Connor 10/94, Nathan 11/03m, m/c 7/90(15wks) & 6/05 (8wks5d)

Jessica (JLav) - ds Baz (10/03), and two angels (12/04) and (5/05)

Catherine (race kelly) - Collin (6yrs), Jack(4yrs), and Thomas (19 months). And my little angel Therese 3/23 she got her wings, I was 15 weeks pregnant.

Tara (taradt) - 3 year old daughter and 3 angels (12/03 found at 16 weeks, 09/04 26 weeks and 06/05 found at 11 weeks)

Sandy (Ben's Mommy) - Benjamin Taylor 7/5/05-7/7/05

Gabry - ds 8/21/03, m/c's 6/05 (9w) and 10/05 (8w)

Nicole (theboysmama) - Walker 5/27/02, Caden 4/17/04, and angel Sam m/c 9/8/05

LolaEight - dd 11-22-01, ds 2-6-04, and my angel 6-05

Liz (mama4gals) - four girls, ages 17, 13, 10, 3, also mama to 4 angels

Cristina (Debstmomy) - Amber 11, Austin 7, Alexa Rose Bornstill (42 wks) 6/10/05

Erika (Naughty Dingo) - mama to 2, m/c 10/05

Natasha (Mimimunklemama) - mama to Issi 07/27/02, Griffin 08/20/04, angel 09/22/05

Prue (Em's Mummy) - Emily Jade Born Still 26/07/05 (38 weeks)

Cathy (KYCat) - Gus 7/00, Max 12/02 and angel Finnegan Albert, Finn 7/28/05

Sarah (sarah9774) - Luke Harrison Garrett BS @ 40 weeks 2/10/05

Talitha (samuelsmommy+3) SAHM Jenna (4), Abigal (2), Samuel (1), m/c (13 weeks)

Patti (Patti Ann) - Kesly 8, Connor 5, Fiona 3, Griffin Patrick 9/24/05

Deb (dj tex)

PG MEMBERS:

Emily (Saramel) - ectopic (7/05)

Emily (Anakna4) - Isaac 8/22/99, Ivy 5/27/01 & Emma 11/25/03, m/c's 11/25/04, 7/24/05

Satori

Katie (Katiejon1) - Caleb 4/27/03 & m/c 8/05

Mary (mimi_n_tre) - mother to Trevor (6-6-00), baby angel (1-20-05, 8 weeks) and angel Jase (9-10-05, 26.5 weeks)

Aurora - ds (7.5), dd (5.5), ds (22 months), two angels (1/05 and 7/05)

(mirandahope) - m/c 11/03 (19.5 wks)

Coral's Mom - Coral Rose 3/21/05

Jenn (JennInSeattle) - Nathan 8/18/03 and seven in Heaven

 

[JennInSeattle]

Jessica - Oh that's so fun! A friend of mine at church who I'd been growing closer to told me before she told anyone. I had to keep it to myself for weeks because she didn't announce it until she was 12 weeks but she told me at 5 weeks! I almost spilled it once! lol It's so nice to be in the 2ww, it allows you to be much more open to others around us who are pregnant because you know you might be too!

When do you plan to test? I want to look foward to it!

Katie - How are you feeling? I know you were worried about your lack of symptoms after the daycare tragedy - I can't tell you how many times I've thought about that horrible day you related.

Do you know the parents personally? Often a couple grieves differently which pits them against each other as they feel seperated in their grief so if you know them personally you might look up a counselor and give them that reference to make it easier for them if they aren't in counseling.

 

[Ben's Mommy]

Hello ladies - I hope everyone made it from the Oct. thread.

I've got a question...My good friend Emily (who I work with) is currently 7 weeks pg with her first baby. She started bleeding just a little bit (basically nothing in the underwear, just when she wipes). Now, she went to the doctor and they did her 1st sonagram and she did get to see the heart beating, and they put her on prosterg...? (not sure exactly, but she has to insert it vaginally). She doesn't seem too worried, but I'm freaking out a bit. I've not m/c'd before and don't know if she'll be ok, or if she should REALLY be worried. So, what do you think??

JLav - That's so exciting about your cousin. It's great when you get to reconnect with relatives.

 

[JennInSeattle]

Sandy - One of my pregnancies I had the same kind of spotting and we saw the baby's heartbeat twice only to be followed by m/c 9 days after the spotting began. It's was extremely traumatic. I did want to start progesterone but my doctor wasn't convinced it was necessary and I didn't know enough to push it. If it's a progesterone related problem she might be ok and often progesterone will stop m/c's like this but definitely not always - sometimes it's something more serious and only God knows if this little baby will be returning to heaven soon or is here to stay for much longer.

I wish I could tell you for sure what will happen.

Please keep us updated.

 

[Ben's Mommy]

Thanks Jenn - I feel so bad for her because she isn't worried b/c she saw the heartbeat. She does have a close friend that had a m/c recently, but I don't really think she knows how common it is and how aweful it is. I haven't said anything to her (that I'm really freaked out) because right now she is still innocent to the whole concept of loss, and if it all works out, I wouldn't have wanted to cause her any more stress. I just pray that this baby sticks for her and she can have a carefree innocent pregnancy.

Oh, and let me know when you'd like to be added to our graduates!

 

[taradt]

My last pregnancy had spotting like that too, we saw the heartbeat at 8 weeks and the spotting pretty much stoped. It started awhile later again and we found out the baby died not long after the 8 week scan

that said my midwife said it is very common to have spotting during pregnancy, That was the only time in 4 pregnancies I had it though. I will keep her in my thoughts.

tara

 

[Naughty Dingo]

Hi Mamas,

Sandy, I hope your friend is fine. It seems like lots of times, the bleeding is nothing. Then other times it is bad. I think if it was me, I would probably let her keep her innocence too because you can worry and worry but it won't change anything. I hope it all turns out OK.

Mamas, Sorry I don't have more time for personals. But I am going to ask a question. I am kind of worried. I had my miscarriage 11 days ago and had about 6 days of heavy bright red bleeding. The past 5 days I have had lighter brown bleeding. Today there was almost nothing. Tonight, I am having gushes of bright red blood again, with clots. I am cramping again.

Have any of you experienced this bleeding so late after the miscarriage. I hate this, heavy bleeding stresses me out and makes me fearful. I am sure it is all OK and my body is probably just trying to expell something. I talked to the midwife and she said if the bleeding gets heavier than one pad an hour for three hours She will most likely send me to the ER for a D&C. Oh man, that just terrifies me.....

OK Mamas, I will post again later when I have more time fore personals. I hope you are all doing OK.

Love, ND

 

[Ben's Mommy]

ND -

- My story doesn't quite relate exactly...but, after I gave birth, the bleeding tapered off to almost nothing. Then weeks later, it was just gushes of bright red blood. At one point I had to use toilet paper to stop the flow enough so I could actually sit on the toilet. I had about 3 experiences like that and the last one I passed a HUGE blood clot. I thought it was part of the placenta, but the test came back that it was a clot. I NEVER had a clot that big before in my life. But anyway, I went to the doctor and she put me on a high dose of Ibuprofin I think, and then when it still didn't stop, she put me on some medicine that made my uterus contract (which gave me cramps), and then if finally tapered off again. I bled for a total of 10 weeks post partum.

: I hope your bleeding stops REALLY soon! Keep us posted.

 

[Ben's Mommy]

Ok, the time at the top of my MDC page is correct, but when I post the posting time is still off by an hour. How do I fix that?

Nevermind....somehow it just fixed itself!

 

[gabry]

ND, sorry you started bleeding again. I didn't have your experience, but this last time I thought the m/c was all done, and just had some minor bleeding left, but then when I went to see my ob when she examined me a large clot came out. Just to say that apparently the bleeding/expelling can happen in phases. Of course, that is not to say you shouldn't go to the ER if it gets worse, but to say I hope that it won't. Keep us posted when you can.

Sandy, thanks for starting the new thread. I agree with what the others said. If your friend is not worried, then let her be that way for now, since nothing can change what will happen anyway (except of course if she ignores the progesterone prescription, which may help).

Jessica, I'm so impressed that you can be genuinely happy for your cousin, that's awesome! I haven't experienced it yet, but I'm afraid of what my reaction would be if someone close to me got pregnant.
Hopefully it'll be better than with complete strangers or vague acquaintances - where somehow, pathetically, I always find a reason to believe they probably didn't want the pregnancy and/or won't breastfeed the baby and/or will let the baby cry it out and/or will use physical punishment and/or already have kids that they don't treat well- all things that somehow justify my thinking that I should be pregnant more than them. Boy, I almost want to delete that now that I wrote it down, I'm ashamed to see it put that way.
Anyone else experience negative feelings like that?

 

[Em'sMummy]

Hi Mamas,
AF due tomorrow (if I am back to regualrity after losing Emily). I don't know about anybody else but I knew 7 women (friends/relatives) who were/are pregnant and due in the upcoming 5 months after having Emily. Four of them have had their babies and you guessed it 4 girls. I think it is harder when they are the same sex as the one you lost. I had to go and buy some girl gifts (that was so hard but I put it like this - that would look beautiful on Emily). I then visited them (harder again). One of my girlfriends was having her first 8 weeks after me and we went through our pregnancies together we talked over the phone constantly asking each other questions (I had moved interstate). When visiting my parent back in her state I went around to her house and held her baby girl that was not as hard as I thought it would be. I compared Emily to her by seeing Emily was a lot bigger which I was surprised at. But I must say I kept repeating in my head why them and why not us?????? Everybody said I was so brave to do that but I wanted to for my friend as she has been so supportive and great (I also wanted to see if I could do it). I wasn't going to push myself to hold her only if it was right.
Anyway better go. AF should be here in the next couple of days but..... (You never know I hope it isn't).

and love to everybody. Goodluck this month.
Em's Mummy

 

[taradt]

ND - with my last loss I had a D&C and then bleed on and off for a good 2 months. It would taper and then stop, I would get excited then it would start again. I was worried but didn't want to go back to the hospital so I started doing research and found while not common it does happen to some people. Once it finally stopped and I was able to look back on it I am sure it was just my body doing what it needed to do. You should be watching for the soaking a pad an hour and a real bad smell (which could be infection). My midwife also had me taking vitamin C to help keep my immune system functioning.

take care

tara

 

[Ben's Mommy]

Em'sMummy -

- It IS so hard to see babies, let alone babies of people you know. Sometimes for me it's easier when I know them than when they are complete strangers. Other times I just can see ANY at all!

You are very brave and very kind to go see your friend that had her baby. I can't even imagine how hard that would be.

Question about FF - I just started charting this month and when I entered my temp this morning, it said that I O'd this past Saturday. I don't think there is any way whatsoever that I O'd then...I don't actually expect O till the end of this week AND I haven't had any of my normal monthly EWCM. So, why is FF telling me I O'd already?? My chart is in my sig line, please take a look and let me know what you guys think.

(Oh, and the big temp spike was the night of Day Light Savings Time....and I stayed up pretty late that night.)

 

[JBaxter]

Hello everyone... My computer has been down for a couple days and I have been using the kids

: NOW I know why they complain so much and come use mine. I'm day 23 and am trying not to look at the calendar <to much> My MIL & FIL come in next week to visit for CA and I would LOVE to give them good news.

Jenn - your still getting east coast prayers

:

Sandy keep charting it may change its mind its going by the dip and rise that day it may need another month to compare with. ( lets hope you dont need it but still)

 

[mama4gals]

Hey ladies, I'm still here. Been lurking around this one lately.

: Jenn, my prayers are with you. I'm not really thinking about babies lately. My mom, who's had Parkinson's Disease for 25 yrs, is very near death, any minute now. I live 4 hrs away from my parents, and I was able to go visit on Sat. I know this isn't the right forum, but I just have to say that watching my mom dying at home surrounded by the loving care of her husband and daughters, has made me think pretty philosophically about the whole idea of life and death. It is a circle, and both birth and death can be beautiful. It really makes me believe the verses from the Bible, "To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven". I feel much more accepting of my m/c's, and much more appreciative of my children and husband. Life is really precious. I pray that we all experience the miracle of new life inside us again, and that those little lives make it into this world safely.

Liz

 

[coralsmom]

liz, i want to say how sorry i am to read about what's going on with your mom. i'll keep you in my thoughts today

ben's mommy,
i looked at your chart... i have no idea! last month, ff said i didn't, then said i did, then took it away again, even though i had two pos/opks and i felt my ovulation cramping. do you take your temp at the same time every morning? i started doing that and its made a huge difference in my numbers... maybe a coincidence this cycle, but when ff recommends taking them at the same time, i at first read it to mean between 2-3 hours of eachother, but then when i actually charted my temps with ff, it gave me a ton of hollow points, which meant it didn't really trust my temps. so if i'm going to play the ff game, i'll play by their rules!!

well, i saw one of 'the babies' last night... there were four babies besides coral all due within a week of eachother in our childbirth class. this baby went first, coral was second. i remember holding this baby and telling her to tell our baby to come on out and play! i held her, watched them change her diaper so i could see her belly button, touched her head alot... i got to observe her for a few hours, and it was so healing! i don't think i get enough of this baby-time... it doesn't really get to me, especially with the four babies. but i will say i am very aware of who's getting pregnant... if any of these four mom's got pregant before me, or if any of my sisters gets pregnant before me, well, i think i am worried about the severity of my reaction to these possibilities! i don't think it would be fair if a baby came before our second baby! this is a little irrational... there is no race, there is no one judging what's fair and what's not, and each child that is conceived i believe is meant for that particular time. and while i know this, i also know it will be hard if my sister called and told me she was pregnant.

but she hasn't, and she's not planning to ttc, so...

here's a thread question. i have been posting here more than anywhere else. so sometimes i think i go on and on about coral. this may not be the correct forum to do so, and if it bothers anyone, even a little, i can keep an eye on what i say in my postings... let me know. dh was sick when he got back from florida, so i'm hoping he gets a little better before the key days. i read on another thread that zinc is important for a male's fertility health... and pumpkin seeds are a good source of zinc. needless to say i had the little bowl of seeds in front of him at this little halloween thing we went to last night!! 'eat, eat!!'

 

[gabry]

Liz, I am so sorry to hear about your mom, but also very glad for her and you and your family that she gets to be at home with her loved ones. I have seen too many people pass away in the icu in the hospital, surrounded only by machines and whoever's shift it happened to be.

Coralsmom, I'm glad the experience of spending time with the baby was a positive and healing one for you. And no, you don't talk about Coral too much, at all. I think it helps us to know and understand you, and I think that is also part of the purpose of this thread, to share our babies and the feelings of loss that we have. Otherwise, we might as well be joining one of the 'regular' ttc threads. Nothing wrong with that, in fact I also post on the 'Nursing mommas ttc' thread, but it's a different thread, with a different purpose.

Sandy, I think ff did give you an O date based on your temps, but like Coralsmom said, it might very well change its mind again. Happened to me several times. And at least once I totally disagreed with ff and ended up 'overriding' it and entering my own O date.

 

[JennInSeattle]

Sandy - I agree with everyone else about letting her keep her innocence (sp?). After the second time of seeing the h/b I felt fine and felt sure everything was going to be just fine. I do think that made it a little more traumatic but we all know that simply knowing a m/c can happen doesn't lessen the pain it only readies you for it.. slightly.

I'll continue to keep her in my prayers knowing that only the Lord knows why.

Oh and on that beautiful day when we eventually make it to 13 weeks I will gladly have you put me into the graduates.

ND - I have never experienced a m/c like that, I know it would worry me too. Satori (a recent graduate) went on to bleed for over a month after her last m/c. She has threads in the regular loss forum about it but it was long and had this same kind of stop start thing. If you're feeling sick from anything but stress (when I get stressed my stomach gets sick) or feeling headaches I'd go in as well. Please keep us updated, I'm starting to get attached to you! Oh and one of these days I'd love to know your first name!

Gabry - After my m/c in August '04 (I was so mad at God I only prayed to tell him how mad I was at him) I had an incredibly hard time with pregnant moms. I envisioned every one of them as having become pregnant the first time they tried to conceive and not being grateful for their children. In my head I had actual thoughts of violence that I can't even say out loud because I'm so dissapointed with my own reactions and emotions from that time. I was ok with babies but angry with pregnant moms. It tapered off but lasted a good 4 months after that pg ended. Now granted I re-committed my life to the Lord about 4 months after that pg so it might have been God just delivering me from those feelings or it might have been time. I know you've said you're an atheist and I respect that just as I hope you respect that I'm a Chrisian. There are so many times that I can't help but speak of God because of the incredible touch that He has on so many parts of my life. I hope it doesn't offend you, it doesn't bother me that you don't speak of God and regardless of your beliefs you should know that I pray for you because I love you, a little mushy I know but true.

I hope these feelings and thoughts subside soon - it's hard to move on to the next phase of ttc and healing when you still have these thoughts.

Em'smummy - Do you plan to test soon? I'm glad it looks like your body is getting back to normal. I babysat for a friend last week including watching her baby who is a somewhere between 2-3 months old. He had a candle that said 8-26-05 so I'm not sure how old he is or if that represented a special day. I was a little unsure of how I'd handle it but it was fine. I felt a bit out of my element for a while but after the first few hours I remembered how we take care of babies this little. At times I thought about the lack of time for anything else a baby would cause but by the end of the day it only strengthened my desire for another child. He was a very sweet baby and I couldn't help but love on him! I can't tell you how many times I kissed him, I couldn't help it! lol Something I haven't had to experience is stillbirth and it seems from what others have said that the envy is on the babies and not as much the pregnancy whereas for m/c it seems to be the opposite. Lately there have been a lot of women I know who were due at all the same times as my last 4 m/c's. When I try to look a pg ticker from FF it keeps grabbing my pregnancy from April and telling me that I'm 30 weeks pregnant. I was due with a baby on December 28th.. that day is coming up rapidly - I lost that baby at 10 weeks. I don't know why I'm sharing this but so many of us know the "why her, why not me" feelings. The only comfort I have is in knowing the Lord's timing is better than mine and recounting the way things have gone in other areas and seeing how much better His timing was than mine was. The other day I thought that perhaps His timing has nothing to do with me. What if he wants my next son to be born on a specific day in a specific year in order to meet someone special (like in college for example) and that's why He's waiting on the timing and not so much because He doesn't feel I'm ready. Then why the loss (or losses) you might ask? Well recently I thought of it as maybe a waiting time. Like God knew that it would be years (it now has been) before we'd add another child to our family and He wanted to give me the blessing of taking care of a child (or children) while I waited. He wanted me to enjoy feeling a life within me while the time passed and learn to minister to others in pain as well and to learn to rely on Him to a greater degree than I ever have. I don't know where I'm going with this or if will even help anyone at all but it's helped me.

 

[JennInSeattle]

Sandy - I don't think you O'd based on those temps or if you have then I don't see confirmation temps (like if you O'd yesterday) yet.

FF tried to give me 3 different O dates on this last one. When you get the VIP version you can set your own coverline and O date.

Jeana - So when do you plan to test? Do you get along with them really well? I hope you have fun and are able to tell them wonderful news! I'm sure many here are hoping to share Thanksgiving suprises! Thank you so much for your prayers, I've been praying for you too.

Liz - Beautifully said, I'm sure you've been getting ready for this moment over the years however it can't lessen the sense of loss that's around the corner. My mother is my world in many ways - it sounds like the Lord is giving you the strength and encouragement you need to make it through this time. Please lean on us if you need to.

Also, a while back you said something about planning your children (it was you right?). In April of this year we decided to give our fertility wholely to the Lord. That for the rest of our married and fertile lives we'll allow Him to decide how many our family should be. We both feel that when we take the control from Him (condoms, birth control, etc) that we limit the blessings He may want to give. The interesting thing is that this came from Dan first and he was the man who changed his mind just after marrying me and said he didn't ever want any children! He wasn't a Christian then and I'm just so thankful he is now. I always wanted a big family.. 8 has always sounded perfect! lol Thank you for your prayers, I'll be praying for you too.

 

[JennInSeattle]

Coralsmom - There is no better place to talk about Coral than here! Talking about her is part of healing and I enjoy hearing about her and imagining how big she must have been or even what she looked like. From me personally please feel free to talk about her as often as you'd like, I enjoy it.

Oh and here is Nathan last night for Halloween: http://pic18.picturetrail.com/VOL934.../117114368.jpg
http://pic18.picturetrail.com/VOL934.../117114364.jpg
http://pic18.picturetrail.com/VOL934.../117114362.jpg

He was Blue from Blues Clues (it's a little kids show about a blue dog). I bought the material for that costume nearly two months ago and only finished it the night before last! lol I'm too busy!

I had just woken him up from a 3 hour nap so he was less than pleased about being up and only the chocolate milk in the McDonald's cup allowed me to take these pictures! lol We went to an Assisted Living home and visited the seniors there for about an hour. It was really fun for everyone - I saw about 10 other dressed up kids there too.

Anyway - I hope you guys had fun last night if you did anything.