Support thread for gentle parent-led weaning

I'm in a similar boat, in that I do limit the number of and length of nursing sessions of my 2 year old. I haven't set an age limit, at this point she nurses many times per day, and I don't see that changing any time soon.

However, I will admit to nursing her when it's more convenient for me. I do some of the same things you mentioned. When she asks to nurse, I ask if she'd rather have a snack. I do also ask her to wait until later if I'm in the middle of another activity. And I don't allow her to nurse as long as she wants either- if left to her own devices, she'd love to nurse for a half hour every 2 hours!!! I allow her to nurse until I can see that she's getting relaxed and not latching well= making me sore. Then we count to 10, and she's done.

I am not in a hurry to wean her, but while I'm nursing her, I do want the relationship to be positive. I try to compromise so that both of our needs are being met. And, to be honest, these days, I feel negative when she's needy and demanding to be nursed often (sometimes several times per hour). So I say no when I need to for my own sanity, but try and accomidate her requests as best I can.

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I did the same thing with my Lilu, and she weaned at about 22 months. When it got close to the end, sometimes I told her, "mommy's milk's all gone - do you want such-and-such instead?" She fell for that one pretty easily. Obviously, if she insisted, I'd still nurse her, but I always gave her options beforehand. Her favorite alternative was milk in a cup with a straw - that was the coolest thing ever, according to her, it seemed.

I considered it "child-led/mother-suggested" weaning. She had the ultimate say in whether she weaned or not, and if she really needed it, then I'd still be nursing her here at 3. I just figured it was my job to help her figure out that she didn't actually need it, and make sure she knew that mommy was still there for her in other ways.

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. Thanks! I appreciate that.

The sad thing is I'm not sure which of the threads you are talking about :

I think I'm taking a beating on many boards...OY!

Dina

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OH YES! always easier to give advice than to take it, too..

I remember going through the needy / stressful stage and how hard it was.. but it's over for us (for now at least) and it's easy for me to talk about it now

I guess I fit on this thread....even though it's still some time off for me. But we all know that time goes quickly! It's sortof hard to find a spot when you nurse past a year but don't plan to go past 2. But, given that this board is "Extended Breastfeeding" I would hope that it would be supportive of all mom's bfing past one...not just those that only agree with fully child led weaning.

My situation is different from most - even on this thread. I do have a specific time in mind....2. The main reason is that I will be just shy of 40 and plan to do a frozen transfer with the embryos we have next summer. My youngest was conceived with the help of IVF.

I'm comfortable with weaning at 2. I agree that it needs to take place over time and gently...and it will. My daughter was weaned at 2 and it went very well. I know each child is different (I have 3) but feel that it will be workable to do it this time around too. And I don't feel that weaning my son at 2 to give the embryos we have frozen a chance is detrimental to my son.

I'm all for women nursing as long as they and their children wish. And I also know that each family needs to do what's best overall for their family. For some...the choice will be to wean by parents leading or a dance between child led and parent led. I think as long as it's done in a respectful, gentle, slow manner that's fine.

Zaxmama - I feel for you! I weaned my first child at 14 months before I had to go back to work...similar situation. I had a couple of months to prepare so it was probably much easier. I know it's rough...but it sounds like he really needs to nurse right now. Is it possible to keep going for a bit at least? He's had so many huge changes...I think it's really normal for him to be nursing more and more when he's with you - he needs that reassurance. Maybe if you don't worry about trying to distract right now...even for just a few weeks, it will shift and it will be easier to distract in a bit. I agree with what the others said - it definitely becomes a vicious cycle.

I could have written your post kate-astrophe, except that my DD is 22 months. I'm not going suddenly to cut her off at 2 but I don't think I would mind too much if she was done nursing around that time.

I'm trying to offer her as many distractions and alternatives to nursing as possible but if she's really insistant that nursing is what she wants then we nurse. I think that's harder for me than her in a lot of ways because it's easier to just whip out a boob than to go make a sandwich.

You're right, clothcrazymom, those of us who would like to wean around 2 are in a weird spot, seen as freaks by mainstream for nursing past 6-9 months, but seen as mainstream here by wanting to wean before 3 years. I've done a darn good job nursing DD to this point and have loved it... I'm just ready to be done.