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Discussion Starter #1
I could use a place to talk out the positives and negatives associated with a surprise pregnancy.<br><br>
We were not planning on having any more children. I'm happy for this little one, but kind of terrified too. How will I manage three? Neither of my first two sleep. If this one doesn't, will I just die from sleep deprivation? (Kidding, sort of.)<br><br>
We just moved into a smallish three-bedroom home. We drive a small hatchback. Our life was perfectly sized for two children. It's going to be a tight fit with another person!<br><br>
I think the constant nausea and exhaustion is dragging me down a bit. My second DD was planned, and I still had days when I felt so sick and wondered why on earth I wanted to be pregnant again. Now it just feels like punishment for my carelessness.<br><br>
I have lots of time to get excited again, right? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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I am right there with you. And I feel so guilty. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> We planned our first two, and although I was sick when #2 I was ready for it, this time I literally feel like I am going to die between the morning sickness and anxiety from this shock we got. And I am only 6 weeks. I feel like I am seriously not going to make it through the next few months feeling this bad.<br><br>
A little history: I really wanted 4 kids, but I have emetephobia, and my kids have been sick NONSTOP since we moved into our tiny little house. I have never had a chance to recover from the panic I felt during their illnesses this past 2 winters, and our house is so small I feel like there is no where safe for me to go. Seriously I thought I would be hospitalized this past winter. After the worst of their being sick I *knew* that I shouldn't have anymore kids, because my fear was so bad and because I hate how it affects them. So we decided not to have anymore kids, I grieved for a couple months, but then moved on and was ready for our new future. Then I took a pregnancy test a couple weeks ago and it was positive. And while I LOVE babies, I don't love myself and I am in such a bad place it scares me. I think once I feel better it will be okay, but I'm so scared right now.<br><br>
And now I feel terrible for admitting how I really feel. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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Discussion Starter #3
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MPsSweetie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15443895"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">And now I feel terrible for admitting how I really feel. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"></div>
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Don't feel terrible! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I will sign on to the thread!<br><br>
This is my second, and would be a very welcome surprise (since I had a really hard time getting pregnant with my DD) except for the awkward fact that I am going through a divorce (almost, almost final) and my boyfriend/partner is the father. So, not terrible, but since there was some overlap between STBX and DP, I'm already trying to deal with the divorce, the newish relationship, the fallout among friends and family from the divorce... so not exactly the best timing.<br><br>
I'm just hoping that this LO, with his unusual timing, is here to teach me something, and I'm sure that I will be in love when he is born (only 6.5weeks pg but so sure it's a boy).
 

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count me in!<br>
I am 6wks so I have known for 2wks now and am starting to embrace the idea although I am still filled w/ quite a bit of fear.<br>
This will be my 5th. Dh is disabled with psoriatic arthritis AND muscular Dystrophy. He is on disablity and a full time student. I have been a nanny for 10 1/2 years to the same family and they will no longer be employing me of this week. (I found out I was pg about 1 wk after I found out about losing my job). I own my own business. I rent children's equipment to people who are traveling to albuquerque and santa fe but with the economy the way it is we haven't been very busy so both of my sources of income are non-existant right now. I was looking for jobs when I found out I was pg. Had an interview today w/ a nanny agency, she was very sweet and said she loved me and would try to place me but that she didn't think it would be very likely since i would want to bring the baby with me. soooo.......... we are not in the position financially for another baby. and dh and I are both exhausted. Dh bcs of his disabilities and the meds he is on and me and the fact that I have to do just about everything. We had decided that we would not have anymore kiddos at least for a while.<br>
Also, our house is 1400 sqft and I just don't know where we will put another baby. I think we will get a loft bed or some kind of trundle.<br>
Also, I have had 2 m/c so I worry about that and don't want to spend time in fear/worry about this baby and then have it end badly so I am trucking along although I am scared and hoping for the best.
 

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I so belong with this thread. This is number three for me, four total though my DSD lives with her mom most of the time. While I stuck with the mantra of "two is enough, two is enough", I had never completely ruled out a third... I just sure as heck wasn't prepared to have another NOW. And realistically, I think had it been any longer we never would have had another. I didn't like the thought of a big gap between babies. Back to the point... Just like a pp mentioned... Our life is sized for two kids right now. Small car, smallish house, small income. Small income is a real issue... Our house is a fixer upper, to put it nicely. We really wanted to do a green remodel, but the money just isn't here even though what we have planned isn't terribly expensive. Sad but kinda funny... This will be my second homebirth, and my son(5.5), when I told him I was having another baby said, "But mom, where will you find a real bathtub to squeeze it out in?" Our bathroom is about non-existent right now. *ugh* We really ought to be fine, but I envisioned everything being squared away before that mythical final dream baby showed up. I suppose I am glad little one is in there now, as that eliminates the age gap issue. But I still have these nagging discomforts with the state of affairs... Is it terribly selfish of me to say that this baby is throwing off my time table for all the things I wanted to get done? I absolutely believe that everything happens for a reason though... I do love this baby already, and am just trying to stay positive and thankful for all the blessings we do have.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MPsSweetie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15443895"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am right there with you. And I feel so guilty. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> We planned our first two, and although I was sick when #2 I was ready for it, this time I literally feel like I am going to die between the morning sickness and anxiety from this shock we got. And I am only 6 weeks. I feel like I am seriously not going to make it through the next few months feeling this bad.<br><br>
A little history: I really wanted 4 kids, but I have emetephobia, and my kids have been sick NONSTOP since we moved into our tiny little house. I have never had a chance to recover from the panic I felt during their illnesses this past 2 winters, and our house is so small I feel like there is no where safe for me to go. Seriously I thought I would be hospitalized this past winter. After the worst of their being sick I *knew* that I shouldn't have anymore kids, because my fear was so bad and because I hate how it affects them. So we decided not to have anymore kids, I grieved for a couple months, but then moved on and was ready for our new future. Then I took a pregnancy test a couple weeks ago and it was positive. And while I LOVE babies, I don't love myself and I am in such a bad place it scares me. I think once I feel better it will be okay, but I'm so scared right now.<br><br>
And now I feel terrible for admitting how I really feel. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"></div>
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don't feel bad <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> phobias and aversions aren't easy to understand, and are even more difficult to deal with. no wonder you're overwhelmed! i wish your whole family good health so that your anxiety and stress levels go down.
 

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I'm right there with ya! We have a perfect life for 2, and I just don't know where we're going to put a 3rd one! *sigh* Then I feel guilty for thinking that and worrying, ya know?
 

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Its nice to know I'm in good company here. We were thinking our family was complete when we found out I was pregnant. Our boys are at such a great age to get out and enjoy life. I'm having some trouble adjusting to the idea of starting over. And I have concerns about the financial side of having a 3rd child. Plus we have a three bedroom house, and small cars, etc.<br><br>
Part of me is so excited about this little one. But then part of me is wondering how exactly this happened. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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Thanks everyone. I am having a hard time right now, sorry to talk about it ALL the time.<br><br>
Looks like #3 seems to a hard surprise to handle! Theres a lot of us!
 

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I can join this group! Up until several years ago, before I meet my <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> I thought for sure I would not have more kids & I was totally fine with that. All of that changed when I met my DP. He's so amazing and great with the girls I knew we would have a baby someday. That someday was supposed to be several years from now! We too just bought a small 2 bedroom house about 7 months ago. DP is just getting his business started. AND even though I had decided I did want another baby it does give me small anxiety attacks thinking about having an infant again. The girls are at a perfect age right now, independent but still loving mama time. We go out, go to the ballet, etc...<br>
I sleep through the night!! The sleeping issue actually worries me the most b/c I don't do well when sleep deprived...crabby!<br>
Like another poster said I do believe things happen for a reason & we were being careful so this baby must really need to be here!
 

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i'm joining in too! we have 2 dc, 4.5 yo and 14 mo. we weren't planning any more. especially not this soon. we spaced the first two apart on purpose. i got pg on day 35 of my first cycle pp, and i had fertile signs earlier on too, so i suppose this baby is meant to be. i'm just a big...overwhelmed. trying not to focus too much on the questions--2 BR apartment is HUGE, certainly big enough, esp. with co-sleeping, but the car has gotta go. we were planning on a second car this fall anyway (dh walked to work until april, and we recently moved and he now bikes, but won't all winter)...i guess the second car will actually be a....mini-van. ugh. ugh. ugh. but i did love my homebirth with dc2, so....this will be fun, right?
 

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This is baby #5 for us. I had a miscarriage 2 1/2 years ago, then spent a lot of time being sick. We had been very careful to not get pregnant until we knew for sure what we wanted, and I would say we had, within the past few months, finally reconciled ourselves to being done. Now, we find out we conceived the same month my DH got laid off. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">
 

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Discussion Starter #14
I had a lot of doubt earlier this week. It's still hard to get really enthusiastic about this surprise babe when I'm feeling completely burnt out and exhausted. Hopefully the second trimester will perk me up a bit. I'm still worried about being enough to give three kids the attention they deserve. Sigh.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to all on this thread.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>boogiemonster</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15443427"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think the constant nausea and exhaustion is dragging me down a bit. My second DD was planned, and I still had days when I felt so sick and wondered why on earth I wanted to be pregnant again. Now it just feels like punishment for my carelessness.<br><br>
I have lots of time to get excited again, right? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"></div>
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I'm so there. I was getting more excited last week, but this week I've been so tired. So tired I feel like I can't be a good parent to my DS. My sister keeps telling me it would have been hard on DS no matter what, but I can't help but think i'm hurting him. DH keeps telling me to look on the bright side, but I just can't think of it right now. With the first, it was looking forward to sweet baby feet and little clothes-- Now I feel like I already have the cutest baby in the world, what could a second possibly add?<br><br>
Does anyone else worry about other's reactions? I worry that no-one will be happy for us. I know it shouldn't matter, but it does somehow. I've only told my brother and sister, apart from them only DH and I know. And 8month old DS I guess! lol!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>texmati</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15526121"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Does anyone else worry about other's reactions? I worry that no-one will be happy for us. I know it shouldn't matter, but it does somehow. I've only told my brother and sister, apart from them only DH and I know. And 8month old DS I guess! lol!</div>
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I have had that worry for each of my pregnancies. This one has had the best reaction out of all of them, so at least that went smoothly.
 

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I was worried for a while, also, that no one would be pleased with our news of the new addition. It ought not to matter, but dealing with disapproval in any sense when you should be happy and need some encouragement? Well, I guess it matters, on an emotional/moral support level. Luckily, despite my worries, everyone has been happy for us. It really helps to get on board with being enthusiastic about my own pregnancy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
So... We are working on solutions for the things that make this pregnancy most stressful. Foremost we are planning a move(which makes me feel so relieved and angsty at the same time). I just can't have another baby in a house that we have little hope of being able to afford to fix any time soon. DH is looking for a better job out by his family, and will hopefully be able to earn closer to what he is worth. The car? *sigh* DH doesn't want to part with the 2 door Honda Civic. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"> It's hard enough carting two kids around in that thing, let alone three. I have to keep working on the four door sedan or minivan idea.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>texmati</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15526121"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Does anyone else worry about other's reactions?</div>
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I prefaced the announcement by telling my mother, "You have to pretend to be happy for us." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>boogiemonster</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15527228"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I prefaced the announcement by telling my mother, "You have to pretend to be happy for us." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"></div>
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*haha* I had to tell my mom to please refrain from rolling her eyes.
 
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