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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Is there such an area here? I am a past surrogate and chances are will be again someday. It is very interesting to be in contact with the family and still have a role to play, but not one that is definded already. Can be a little hard actually.<br><br>
My couple is gay and so I am the special Mommy who lives far away. We had a visit last summer and it was wonderful and hard and beautiful and tearful and so many things. It's a new kind of parenting as it is more like being an Aunty but still I have a place, just not sure what.<br><br>
Am I alone?<br><br>
Blessings,<br>
Kontessa
 

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I am not a surrogate, but I just wanted to say that I think it is quite possibly one of the greatest and most beautiful gifts someone can give. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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I'm not a surrogate either, but hope to be in the future......that is such a great thing to do for someone! I'm assuming since the couple is gay that you used your eggs? I personally would do it if it was their egg and sperm, I think it would bring up to many issues/emotions that I couldn't handle with it being part of me. You are awesome!
 

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Try adoption or fertility/infertitly forums.<br><br>
Cool calling btw!
 

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I haven't been a surrogate but it's something I've considered doing so once I'm done having children. I'd love to hear more about it, especially the toll it took on your emotions and feelings after the birth. I assume they reimburse you for your medical expenses or do all of the bills automatically fall on them. I would be afraid someone would try to stick me with the bill.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
What a blessed life I have!<br><br>
To help with some questions;<br><br>
The toll it took emotionally was not as great for me as I think it might be for many. The female family curse is that we tend to not bond with our children. Some not at all, some not till they are older. Up until my first child was about 18 months old is still felt like I was baby sitting. I loved her, but did not feel like she was mine. She was so amazing how could I possible have anything to do with making her how she is. Can you understand what I am trying to say?<br><br>
Also, I had planned on being a surrogate mother since a family member looked into when I was ten years old. I could not help them then but I knew I could help someone someday and so it was always a matter of when not if. The emotions maybe fell into line?<br><br>
I did cry when we all left the hospital, both times, I was saying good bye not to just the babies but to a time in my life I treasured and of course the guys. I knew they would have thier hands full. It was like my time was over. I felt empty sometimes, like I had just done one of the best things I ever could. Other times I was queen of the world and loving myself for all I had done. And other times I found myself very worried about what the babies would think of me when they got older. I needed them to know I love them and they where loved by so many before they where even in my womb. I did not want them to dislike me. Thankfully, I know their fathers are on my side for sure about this and I am the special mommy far away and I love them dearly and the Dads tell the girls that when ever they need to hear it.<br><br>
The Eggs: Where mine. I do not think I would feel much different about the girls if they where not mine though. They still grew in me and shared spirit for a while. We would still have a connection. And what is wrong with a connection? Even if you are a surrogate that chooses to never see the babies again, that connection was special! We can have such short special connections with people and still be ok when it is no longer there. I does not make it any less real or less important. Some surrogates do not agree. Some will even say it did not hurt. I think they will say what ever makes them feel better. I am saying what it was like to me, and yes, being honest makes me feel better. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I am going on and on here.<br><br>
As for who paid the bills. Please do not shot me here.<br><br>
The US army... so there for the US government, so chances are, YOU the tax payer. As a military wife and having no other insurence but that through my husband as he is military I had to go to a military hospital. The guys did pay for counceling for me to make sure I would be ok and also a vacation for my family after I was feeling well from the birth. Oh and child care for my daughter when my hubby was away and I needed help. I was not and refused to be a high priced baby incubater. LOL Mostly I wanted to do something big, important, loving, attention getting (Yup there is my honesty again) and something that would make me feel good about myself. (One just gets so little natural high feelings of "I did it" from being a stay at home mom I have noticed)<br><br>
Thank you for the comments, I hope my post helped you see a little of my side of surrogacy.<br><br><br>
Blessings,<br>
Kontessa<br><br>
P.S. Going to post about the responcibility of those who have "Litters" in a moment in this section if you want to jump there. Something to do with surrogacy there too.
 

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I have posted on here before about this. I have been surrogate and my experience was awsome. It was for a long time friend and her dh. It was their egg/sperm. They actually paid for everything. And after all was said and done I was given 10,000 each time. I donated half to various charitys. I have the other part in the bank for my dd to use for college or to start out. Some people would think its crazy to accept money. But giving my body twice IS worth compensation. The couple would never had let me do this for them for no comp. Its personal between the people involved!
 

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You guys rock!!!!<br><br>
I can't surrogate (I have health problems and can't have more kids), but I think it is one of the most amazing, wonderful and generous things one can do.<br><br>
And as far as the army paying for it, it is one of the best uses I can think of for our military budget!
 

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My older sister had trouble conceiving and I was planning on being surrogate for them after our first was born. Then I had trouble conceiving! My SIL brought up the idea of surrogating for hubby and I, but he wasn't interested.<br><br>
My sister and I both adopted and haven't looked back since. Hubby and I were just talking the other day about how obvious it is to us that Baby was supposed to be part of our family - no matter how it was that she originally came into this world. It just flat out was the way it was meant to be. I don't think anyone who has ever seen the three of us together would ever argue that point.<br><br>
Hubby and I will most likely add to our family at some point in the near future. He's totally uninterested in any kind of fertility treatments, donor egg, surrogacy or any other method of possibly kicking in his genetic make up to the pool. He thinks there's a baby out there who is 'supposed' to be our baby, and that we'll find each other when the time comes <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> .<br><br>
I don't really have a point to this ramble. I guess I just think it's neat how many ways there are to become a family <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> .
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
blessed -- I am very happy for you and your family! I wish that there where more options for gay couples to do the same.<br><br>
It is also very sad when surrogacy is cheaper then adoption for some people.<br><br>
Blessings,<br>
Kontessa
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>graciesma</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I have posted on here before about this. I have been surrogate and my experience was awsome. It was for a long time friend and her dh. It was their egg/sperm. They actually paid for everything. And after all was said and done I was given 10,000 each time. I donated half to various charitys. I have the other part in the bank for my dd to use for college or to start out. Some people would think its crazy to accept money. But giving my body twice IS worth compensation. The couple would never had let me do this for them for no comp. Its personal between the people involved!</div>
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I am thrilled to not be alone here! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> We where both surrogates and I bet our experiences where still very different. Do your Surro babies know you carried them? What place do you have in their lives?<br><br>
Blessings,<br>
Kontessa
 

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This thread has sparked so many interests for me. I am looking into becoming a surrogate in the future. I on the other hand want to be compensated for a years worth of hard work. I have healthy pregnancies 3 so far and work very hard at my diet, health , and growing a baby that I feel it is worth 50,000. I would want to have a homebirth and supply the baby with colostrum so the new mom or dad could give the baby the best start. I would not use my egg I could never do that. So I do plan on becomming a "incubator" but a very good one!
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mother culture</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">So I do plan on becomming a "incubator" but a very good one!</div>
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Good luck with that! Your time and energy and all you put into helping baby grow is not something that anyone can put a price to. The average price for a gestational surrogate, first time, is 24k last I looked. Most of the medical choices if you go through an agency will not be your oddly. Please make sure your intended couple knows all you wish to do and you get it all in writing before anything starts. Know also that it not being your egg is going to require lots of drugs and Dr visits and travel.<br><br>
I am sure you are worth every penny of 50K but for me, a compassionate surrogacy (Anything under 18k) is all I ever thought about doing. Eve though I have proven myself a wonderful surrogate twice, and I know what toll it takes on the family and body and emotions, I think I will do it again for less then the normal as it just feels really good to me.<br><br>
Again, best of luck with that! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> If you need help, just ask!
 

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Thanks! That was very well put. I know the first time surrogate is less pay but can you tell me why? I am going to be doing some shopping for sure and will very choosey about the parenting choices of the parents and yes I would get it in writing about the homebirth. I just have this dream of a mama catching her own baby in the comfort of our or their home!
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I think it is because of trust. No one ever really knows how they will feel about something until it happens. Some surrogates have refused to give up the baby. Others have made life hell for the family. Still others lie and do bad things when pregnant. So many what ifs and so mauch at stake. By the time a couple desides on surrogacy chances are they have burned through their savings account a long time ago.<br><br>
I have heard of a surrogate who got 50k but she had done it 3 times already and it was for a celeb couple. (Nope, can't say who! LOL)<br><br>
In some states you can only be compensated so much or for so many expences. Please look up what your state guidelines are! Last I knew, some states and countrys you can not surrogate in at all. Like Washington, Canada, and australia. (Chances are my spelling is horrible but spell check is not working and tonight is family game/move/sleep together in living room night and so I have little time on here. LOL (mommy break!)<br><br>
Blessings,<br>
Kontessa
 

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I was a surrogate once and I would not go through it again. I think a forum would be a great addition to this board. There isn't many reputable sites out there with good information for those who are trying to learn what surrogacy entails. Good suggestion OP. You may want to PM Cynthia or X post this in Q & A.<br><br>
DC
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I am so sorry you would not do it again. I wish I knew more about why. I trust you have good reason though! ((((hugs))))<br><br>
What is your opinion about surromomsonline.com?<br><br>
How do I x-post?<br><br>
Blessings,<br>
Kontessa
 

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I have been pulled towards surrogacy since I gave birth to my son. I am so torn though because there are many stipulations that I would require that I'm not sure parents would be willing to go through it with me. I would want to give a child to AP parents, a mother who would be willing to attempt lactation and would accept pumped milk from me to feed the baby, parents who would practice GD, and live a natural lifestyle.<br><br>
That's an awful lot to ask of someone and would require that I be in contact with them after the birth. I'm not sure how that would work and I'm pretty sure there would be some emotional pain on my part as I watch a baby grow that I nurtured and continuted to nurture even after birth but it would not be my own.<br><br>
See...I'm torn, but I do feel that it may be something I do in the future, possibly between children.
 

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I think it is a wonderfull request to ask of your future parents to be earth friendly and AP. For me this would have to be a must and I don't think that it would be any different that choosing parents that were a simmilar religion. I am going to give it a try and put it out there in the world. the must try breastfeeding or comfort nursing would be a big one for me too!
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I think it would not be to hard to find parents who are willing to try and htis and really want the same things for thier child. It would be put into the contract as intent to yadda yadda. BUT just know that if they choose not to do what was planned when raising their child, that you have no say in it.<br><br>
It may take a very long while to find the right couple to help but I do not doubt that there are parents out there looking for a surrogater mother just like you!<br><br>
Blessings,<br>
Kontessa
 
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