[lucenamama]

What do you think mamas? Would you do it?<br><br><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/27/national/27surrogate.html?hp&ex=1117166400&en=ccc3ddf2a1b2fa39&ei=5094&partner=homepage" target="_blank">http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/27/na...rtner=homepage</a><br><br>
I actually thought of doing it for one of my cousins and his partner, years ago. My mom warned me: she said don't do it with your first child. Now I understand why. I'm not even sure I could do it with a second child...

 

[kama'aina mama]

ugh... registration. Haven't seen the article, but I would do it. My ex-boyfriend and his partner used two surrogates a couple years apart. If they had asked me I would have.

 

[chersolly]

Honestly, I don't think I'd be able to be a surrogate regardless if the couple is straight or gay couple.<br><br><a href="http://www.bugmenot.com" target="_blank">www.bugmenot.com</a> for free passwords for NYT.

 

[Charles Baudelaire]

The thing is, it's hardly a "new niche" in any sense. The surro agency Growing Generations in San Fran almost exclusively places surros with gay couples, and they've been in business for years, if memory serves. Other surro agencies also include gay couples and have for years as well.<br><br>
I would do it. Especially given some of the restrictive laws in Texas now that prohibit gay people from being foster parents (and take the kids away if they later find out they are), it's going to be harder and harder for decent, normal people to have a family through adoption or foster care. Research supports the fact that children need two loving PARENTS, and whether they are gay or straight doesn't seem to matter, actually. It also doesn't "make them gay" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> .<br><br>
If my BIL and his partner (who still haven't officially 'fessed up to us about being gay) wanted kids, I would seriously consider it.

 

[lucenamama]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>kama'aina mama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">ugh... registration. .</div>
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Oops, my bad. I'm still getting the hang of this link thing. We're reg'd at NYT, forgot you had to do it to read the article. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">

 

[kama'aina mama]

Thanks Cher. That was an interesting thought about the psychological differences between bearing a child for a gay couple and a straight couple.

 

[~Megan~]

I don't think I could surrogate for anyone.

 

[darsmama]

No way would I surrogate for anyone. Sorry, being pregnant for myself is hard enough on my body for one, and for two - I'm way too bonded to the baby to give it away by the time I see it.<br>
I think it is like adoption, a loving, selfless decision, but something I could never, ever do.

 

[shishkeberry]

I would do it in a heartbeat if I was in better shape and the couple would allow me to pump milk for the baby. (But knowing my track record with pumps, I probably wouldn't be able to provide that much)

 

[StarMama]

I think its a really wonderful thing to do if you really want to, and aren't doing it for financial reasons (I mean really $20,000 for 9 months *straight* worth of work as well as all the implanting stuff? Eek! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!">). I might consider it after we're through having children ourselves, but I don't know, it would be incredibly hard to give that child up after all that. I would 100% have to not be the genetic mother for sure. Even then... but I think to be able to experience pregancy and birth more times than you really want to parent yourself and to help out gay couples, it would really be great!<br><br>
And I'd only do it if they would pay for a homebirth AND be ok with it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">

 

[thismama]

I don't think I could ever be a surrogate for anyone. And I'm not really into the whole "renting out a uterus" thing.

 

[guerrillamama]

As a birthmom, I know I could never do this. But I have utmost respect for those who do. (Like Giraffe Lovin Mama, who is having her baby like, now.)<br><br>
But like Thismama, as a feminist, it does sort of give me the willies. Even if the relationship is very equal and the surrogate is doing it out of the goodness of her heart... just the political context is a little too Handmaids Tale for me.

 

[mshollyk]

i would do it for a family member or a friend, but they'd have to pay for my gym membership :LOL

 

[Charles Baudelaire]

I don't think too many surros do it for the money. Think about it: on an hourly-wage basis, 20K works out to less than minimum wage, and that's only counting the nine months of pregnancy -- NOT the drug protocols, not the transfers, not anything else -- all of which is unpredictable and time-consuming. Quick money it ain't, nor should it be, BTW.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>StarMama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think its a really wonderful thing to do if you really want to, and aren't doing it for financial reasons (I mean really $20,000 for 9 months *straight* worth of work as well as all the implanting stuff? Eek! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!">). I might consider it after we're through having children ourselves, but I don't know, it would be incredibly hard to give that child up after all that. I would 100% have to not be the genetic mother for sure. Even then... but I think to be able to experience pregancy and birth more times than you really want to parent yourself and to help out gay couples, it would really be great!<br><br>
And I'd only do it if they would pay for a homebirth AND be ok with it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"></div>
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[Charles Baudelaire]

I see what you mean, but in <i>Handmaid</i>, Offred was forced into the situation. Just as the difference between hard, rough, bootyslappin' sex and rape is consent, so is the difference between Offred's situation and surrogacy as it's practiced now.<br><br>
Surros' motivations are different, but at least one I know of feels that her child is the most precious and valuable gift that ever could have been given to her. She's glad to be a mother every single day, and can't imagine life without her child. The overwhelming urge she felt was to pay back or give thanks for what she'd been given, but who are you going to pay back? Instead she decided to pay forward, making it possible for someone else to have the joy she did, people who really, really wanted a child and couldn't have one.<br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>guerrillamama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">As a birthmom, I know I could never do this. But I have utmost respect for those who do. (Like Giraffe Lovin Mama, who is having her baby like, now.)<br><br>
But like Thismama, as a feminist, it does sort of give me the willies. Even if the relationship is very equal and the surrogate is doing it out of the goodness of her heart... just the political context is a little too Handmaids Tale for me.</div>
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[gethane]

It doesn't give me Handmaid's Tale vibes because surrogacy is chosen. Forcing young women to have babies (because abortion is unavailable) and then "strongly urging" them to give them up for adoption gives me terrible HT vibes.<br><br>
I don't think I could ever be a surrogate, at least not for strangers. And I have no siblings and am not close enough to anyone else that would make me want to consider it. I have nothing but respect, though, for the women that can choose to do it.

 

[guerrillamama]

Yeah, like I said, I have utmost respect for surro's. I recognize there is a world of difference between voluntary surrogacy, which is totally an act of love and selflessness, and being forced to give up ones baby.<br><br>
What I meant was, and I realize I didn't explain myself clearly, is that the overall political context in society right now is very Handmaids Tale-ish, so much so that even voluntary surrogacy is tainted - for <i>me</i>, <i>personally</i>. I don't mean to suggest that voluntary surro's are actually victims or anything like that. I just mean that until I'm confident that my own uterus is free from patriarchy and capitalism, this kind of thing will always give <i>me</i> the willies. Not saying it should give anyone else the willies at all.

 

[gethane]

I can understand that. Didn't mean to jump on your for your honest feelings. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">

 

[guerrillamama]

No worries! I didn't feel jumped on. I just didn't want anyone to think I was dissing surro's.

 

[juju's mom]

It is the ultimate gift, but personally, I don't think I could do it. I grew too close to my dd during pregnancy. I would be emotionally crushed giving my baby away. (even if it is with donors samples) I think that women who can do that are extremely strong and brave women who are giving someone a wonderful gift.<br><br><br><br>
Jenn<br>
sweetest lil babe