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<p>How's everyone doing? I'm a wreck.  My baby was due New Year's day.  I really was fine until Thanksgiving and ever since it's been a downward spiral.  Everyday thinking about how big I'm supposed to be, baby dreams every night. Every time I hug my husband and he mentions how thin I'm getting, all I can think about is how a chunky baby is supposed to be kicking in between us. </p>
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<p>Usually I'm excited to listen to Christmas music and watch movies with my girls but I'm doing everything I can just to function and basically have turned into the worst Scrooge imaginable.  Right now on my screen there's an advertisement for maternity clothes, ugh.  It's the little things that make it so hard.  I'm struggling to pull some kind of holiday together for my four children but I would be so happy if we could just cancel it all. </p>
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<p>If any of you have already passed your due dates can you share with me what you did to get through it? I made big plans out of town for NYE so I wouldn't have too much time to think about it.  I don't have any expectations of how the actual day is going to be though. </p>
 

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<p>I have an upcoming due date in jan (on the 18th) and am having lots of anxiety about it. I took the day off work, plan on getting my toes done and a memorial tattoo, going to the cemetary and making cookies with the kids. Should keep me busy but reflecting on Emeric's short life.</p>
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<p>My first loss was in sept of 2005 at 12.5 wks. My edd was in march. I was sure I would be pg by then, looked like it too but then lost that baby a month before my first edd. It was hard but I had lunch with a friend and pedicures. The weeks leading up to the day were a lot harder than the actuall day. It is just a milestone in our grief process that we have to pass. It doesn't make things better or worse (at least not for me), just a part of the process.</p>
<p>I will be thinking of you on new years. (and before:))</p>
 

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<p>I was due the middle of January and as the days grow closer and closer I too feel less and less like enjoying this season.  I am sorry that I am not of any help, but just wanted you to know you are not alone in dreading the aproch of what should have been for us a wonderful new year.  <span><img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif"></span></p>
 

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<p>I hope you get through new years okay. What a horrible day to have taken :-(</p>
<p>I feel like almost every month has been ruined for me. Today is one year since my first miscarriage. February is when I conceived Benjamin. March is my birthday and I was so looking forward to being full term with Kadence. April is when Kadence was due. May is when I miscarried Ben just three days before mother's day and a week before my son's birthday. June is when my first m/c was due. July is when Kadence was conceived. September is when we conceived the first m/c. October, was always my favorite month; now it is the month that Ben was due AND the month that Kadence died and it's infant and pregnancy loss remembrance month. November is the month that I birthed Kadence's body the day before my anniversary and a few days before thanksgiving (which is the only holiday we celebrate). Today isn't too bad but I'm thinking if I have to face all of that next year with NO baby in my belly I will just lose my mind. But, then again, I got through Ben's due date because I had a new babe in my belly and she died five days later.</p>
<p>I wish I had an answer. <span><img alt="brokenheart.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/brokenheart.gif"></span></p>
 

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<p>Can you change your traditions and do something different this year? I find that when my heart is not "in" something... I need to give myself permission to try something new. And sometimes it works great. Other times we go back to the old traditions after a year or two.</p>
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<p>The year my son died I did not want to be xmas-ing. My mother couldn't stand to have me gone. She insisted I come. I caved and went but spent much of the time crying in a back room.. devastated not to have my son with me. I wish I'd developed a backbone a little earlier.</p>
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<p>Be gentle on yourself.</p>
 
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