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I just found out that I am PG with #4. I have three daughters, DH has one daughter from a previous marriage and this is our first together. My first was a cesarean due to breech, second two were successful hospital VBACs. While I'm thrilled to have had VBAC's, I was never thrilled with my OB/hospital experiences and swore if I ever had another, it would be at home. This is what we want. We've discussed it and neither of us want to deal with doctors, nurses, hospitals, etc. I am comfortable with homebirth . . .

I know my midwife, have friends who have used her and had wonderful homebirths. I guess where I am getting hung up is, taking the hands off approach. Previously, at this point, I would have already called the OB to schedule my first appointment. With my last, I had a US around this time b/c I hadn't had a period in over a year, so I wasn't sure what was going on. I can't seem to quit worrying that something is wrong, but my rational side knows that even if something were wrong, I couldn't change it. I also feel terrible because I smoked (cigs) and had a few drinks before I found out. I think that is why I keep worrying that something could be amiss. I have quit, I quit as soon as I found out, but I feel terrible.

Anyone else deal with similar feelings of worry/anxiety? Could I hear from mamas who have had homebirths after having traditional hospital births/OB model of care.
 

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I had a natural birth in the hospital last time with normal OB care prenatally. I considered the whole thing such a hassle, blood draws all the time, driving downtown, waiting in the waiting room and office, rough ultrasounds, being another item on the assembly line, a lot of time wasted to check for complications when I knew I was healthy.

It's weird not doing all that, at first the waiting so long to first see the midwife, and going to her home for visits, seeing just her not this whole line of reception, nurses, lab techs, and so on. Not bothering with a lot of "required" tests I know that answers to already. Being the person in charge, with the woman I've hired there to help me get what I want not to meet me halfway and fit me into policy. You just kind of get used to it, and pregnancy feels so laid back by comparison. You aren't a ticking time bomb, waiting for something to go wrong. You aren't in a fight for respect and normalcy.

The drinking and cigarettes before you knew can't be changed, and likely aren't a big deal, it's chronically overdoing it throughout pregnancy that really have bad effects. I don't think there's any testing that can confirm damage from that sort of thing before birth anyway.
 

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I've only had one and it was a homebirth, but I know the feeling that you're talking about. Until my midwife heard the heartbeat on the doppler at about 10 weeks, I didn't even have confirmation other than the home pregnancy test that I was pregnant. Even though I could tell 100 percent that I was pregnant two days before the missed period, I sort of wanted some medical brouhaha to confirm it. That actually taught me a lot about midwifery, about listening to my body.
This early on, about all you can do it get a date for the pregnancy via ultrasound -- and even that can be mistaken. Are you pretty sure of the date of conception? If you are, there's really nothing to do besides take good care of yourself.
And if it makes you feel better, I did a lot worse in the first three or so weeks of pregnancy. There's limited blood flow between the mother and fetus in the first couple weeks, so early toxic stuff isn't that bad. And a few cigarettes and a few drinks in the first two weeks of pregnancy is not that big a deal.
 

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Don't feel like you have to take the hands off approach if you don't want to. When did you drink because in the beginning there is no connection and it won't effect the baby at all? What specifically do you think would help you to stop worrying? An ultrasound?

I've had some worries/anxiety over certain issues but I just waited to see if there were any signs of a problem and then went for additional care at that time. Honestly, I have received better care/knowledge from my homebirth MWs than I have from OBs and hospital based MWs. When I had a problem, it was my homebirth MWs who realized what was going on and when I went to the hospital/OBs for help over and over again, they just let my daughter die. So now I tend to have the opposite concerns.
 
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