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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Edited for privacy-- I'm OK with this being up for the short-term, but now it is time to remove this post. :)
 

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What are the other midwives like? If you like them, can you request not to see this one In particular? Otherwise, if you're just comfortable, and that all sounds really bizarre and slightly inappropriate to me, then switch! At this point you're not likely to have seen much of anyone yet. I only just had my first visit.
 

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Hard to say. I would think that especially a midwife practice would be aligned on their mission statement/way they project their identity in the region and how to treat the patients. Ugh, can't think of words tonight, but I hope you know what I'm trying to say. People go into that profession not because it's easy or because there's a ton of money in it, they usually do it because they believe in something. Otherwise, they would just work at any old healthcare facility. I guess the question is: does this lady strike you as very caring and non-judgmental but your personalities conflict? Or does she strike you as someone who really doesn't care much about her job?
 

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Wow. That is really unprofessional. It would have for sure rubbed me the wrong way, too.

This is a tough one. I can see just not seeing this one particular midwife for prenatals. That is usually possible. I think it all depends on two things. How you are, mentally, with knowing there is a 25% chance this woman will be on call when you are in labor? Also, if you are feeling like a switch may be in order, do you have any/many other options that you would be comfortable with?
 

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None of this warrants complaining (outside of MDC), but I do wonder if this facility is the right place for me. I AM extra-sensitive today. So, can ya'll help me rationalize? Should I regard this as a fluke, or should I find another provider?
Everything you shared sounds extremely inappropriate and I think does warrant attention. I don't hear you as complaining, I hear you as tuned in to your instincts.

You can absolutely switch providers at any point in your pregnancy. We are sensitive for a reason right now, and if your instincts are saying "this doesn't feel right", that's an inner call to take some form of action towards your wellbeing. I have seen too many women with less than satisfactory relationships with their providers (from HB midwives to OB's) ignore their instincts and later discover, in fact, it had an immense impact on their overall birth experience. And I have seen that choosing a new provider in this kind of situation can be very empowering. It's just important to make the decision in a planful way that evaluates all the pros and cons.

Sure, you can request not to see this midwife, however, in most cases, if she's the on-call the day your birth, then you won't have a choice. In light of this, I recommend a few things: First, there's no reason not to look around for other practices so you can better know your options. Second, find out if you do actually have the choice to not work with her prenatally AND during labor (this will also give you a sense of the culture of the practice re: a mom who is empowered about her birth options). Finally, I urge you have respectful, but frank conversation with this woman . I know this could feel uncomfortable, but it is not only really important that she get feedback (for her professional development), it will also give you some important information that could make or break your decision. You can write up some talking points to help you be clear about what you want to say, and if you absolutely can't do it in person (which reveals a lot about your ability to trust her -so important in a birth provider), you can always write a letter.

Look forward to hearing how you choose to go forward.
 

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I agree with forestlover75!

Also. as gabeyho mentioned, most are not well established with a provider (for this pregnancy, anyway) at the point. I know women who have switched well into the third trimester, but if you have a gut feeling now, don't let it take that long to make a decision!


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Now is definitely the time to switch if you're going to! Some providers don't take women later in pregnancy (like 32+ weeks). I would not have felt comfortable with that midwife either. You need to be comfortable with whoever is attending you, or it can affect your birth. For me, going to a midwife appointment is like going to talk to an old friend. And when I'm in labor, I know I can trust her, and I know that she knows me and my personality, thus making it easier for her to help me. If I didn't feel comfortable being around her, I wouldn't want her at my birth.
 
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Discussion Starter #8
Thank you all. I am going to sit on all of your advice and really consider how to best proceed. My doula gave advice right along the same lines as well. I really appreciate the support from you all. It can be hard to distinguish between pregnancy-related senstitivity to a bigger instinct. And you hit the nail on the head: at the root of my problem is trust. I may choose to speak with her about the comments when I have my head completely and totally calm and use her response to gauge whether or not building trust is possible. Birthing and pregnancy are especially vulnerable periods of life and I need to know she can bring her A game.

My stress as far as providesr: I'm being seen at a midwifery, the only natural-birth game in town (really, the entire state). If I decide that 1 out of the 4 midwives changes the game for me, that means I have to start looking at hospitals and none have a good reputation. My husband will absolutely not permit a planned homebirth. (As an aside, I have a very real fear I may have an unplanned unassisted homebirth.)

I'm also trying to see some silver lining about the interaction and try to actively resolve the anxiety I have about the past and move forward and be emotionally OK.

Thanks again. Hugs to you all.
 
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