[carrie a.]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but I really need help! My father in law wants to feed our 3 1/2 month old daughter food from the dinner table! I have told him that it's not good for her and he doesn't believe me. He says, "we don't have food allergies in our family". I'm not just concerned about the allergies - she has a sensitive digestive system and feel that there is a strong connection between digestion and lifelong health (physical and mental). I try to always be the one holding her when we eat together but I know one of these days, he'll start shoving chinese food or a small piece of steak in her mouth. Does anyone know of a good resource (something I could print for him maybe) that clearly says why NOT to feed your baby regular food at such an early age? Thanks in advance.

 

[StarMom2]

First of all, I think your FIL should respect your choices and not feed you baby something if you don't want him to. On the other hand, we gave our chidren very small tastes of things from early on. That is different from feeding IMO. If you don't want your baby to have any table food yet, others should respect that.

 

[limabean]

You can print out the AAP and WHO recommendations for when to start solids if you want, but I've found that the most effective way to deal with people who try to debate your parenting decisions is what we call "the bean dip tactic" around here: make a vague statement like "Thanks, but we've got it covered" and then change the subject ("This bean dip is great!").

Repeat your chosen vague statement over and over if you have to, but make it clear that it's not up for debate -- people like your FIL can tend to see any justifying/explaining on your part as an opening for debate, whereas if you give a general answer and then change the subject you're sending the message that it's simply not up for discussion.

 

[Breeder]

If it were me (and it HAS been me...my mom tried to feed DS1 chocolate pudding! at five months) I'd put my foot down.

I told my mother: "I realize you just want to share with him but I am following my ped's advice and we are not going to give DS ANY solids until he is six months old. (My ped had said 4 months but she didn't know that.) If you can't respect my wishes you will not be holding him at mealtimes or any other time when there is food around."

 

[mamazee]

I just wouldn't let him hold her around food until she's older.

 

[Calee]

This is not just a food issue-this is totally a respect issue. You shouldn't HAVE to explain, convince, coerce, give things to read, etc. You are the momma. If your FIL is pulling this now, he will continue with a new "idea" or opinion constantly until he is in the grave! (Can you tell I have my own IL issues???

You do not owe him anything. Do not allow him to hold your child during meal times. Let him know firmly that if he can not respect your wishes, his times with her will be limited. You can start by doing that passively ("no, FIL, I'll hold her during supper! Thanks so much though!!) And if he continues to push, you may need to address him more directly.

 

[rockycrop]

I have seen this a lot in my short time with and around babies. My dad wanted to feed DD ice cream at 4 months ("She'll really like it!!). I was at a wedding shower a couple weeks ago with both the groom's and bride's side of the family. The bride's father was trying to feed his granddaughter (5 months) ice cream after her mom specifically told him he could only feed her a little bit of whipped cream. He was just shoveling spoonful after spoonful of ice cream into this babies mouth while everyone was just standing around and giving half hearted "I think that's enough!" while nervously laughing. Ugh, it made me feel sick, I had to leave to room.

I guess it's a way for grandparents to show love to their grandkids. It's hard to really share or interact with babies that little, so they try to wiggle their way into feeding. I would tell him outright with authority in your voice that your baby will not eat any food until you say it's ok. Then, offer to let Grandpa hold the baby after dinner, or burp her, or whatever little helpful thing you think would satisfy him.

 

[everettdaddy]

When youngest was born, I just followed FearieRose's advice on food, and when the issue popped up with other family members we stood our ground. It doesn't matter of the "offender" gets offended.. What matters is the child's health.

Still don't agree with the whole honey thing... But that is an argument for another day!

 

[ebbybaby]

"I'd tell him, well if you think he/she is so hungry would you mind holding the baby and giving it a bottle? The number one source of nutrition is still supposed to be milk for babies for lots of reasons and I'm sure he'd love the change of having you bond and feed him."

 

[octobermom]

Is this your only child? I wouldn't give a reason unless hes really serious about learning then there is plenty of reserch saying why.. Other than that I'd just say I don't want her being fed and insist he respect your rules concerning your child. This is just one of many things that you will differ on not all things have big huge reasons why but your the parent and have the right and responsibility to choose whats best fro your chid and deffend that right.

Deanna

 

[BunnySlippers]

Holy disrespect batman!
I would not be comfortable with that either. You are the mom, what you say goes. Call him on it. Tell him he has no say and he is being very disrespectful. He had his chance with his kids. (Im a bit of a porcupine).

 

[peainthepod]

What is it with people trying to feed solids to very young babies? I don't get it.

I agree that you need to put your foot down, OP. This isn't just about food--it's about respecting your choices as the baby's mother. FIL needs to learn that you have, and will always have, the final say when it comes to raising your child.

 

[dex_millie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by peainthepod What is it with people trying to feed solids to very young babies? I don't get it. I agree that you need to put your foot down, OP. This isn't just about food--it's about respecting your choices as the baby's mother. FIL needs to learn that you have, and will always have, the final say when it comes to raising your child.

:

Usually people of that age don't care for any of this modern research. Because they all did it to there kids and they turned out fine

:

You have the say with what you feed your child. Always hold your child when they are eating and don't leave yr dd with them in that situation. My parents & grandparents started talking crap like that when DS was 4months. I made crystal clear that he is not to get any. And if they told me stuff I would bore them to death with talking, but I wouldn't next time, what I say is it. My dad once tried to put a poscicle on his lip saying he ain't going taste it, i just going cross it on his lip. Well...if he isn't going to taste it and it not going to do anything then why put that cold thing on his lip, do not do it. I held DS and took him away, they just seem me as being overly nutrious now...oh well.

 

[accountclosed2]

Well, food from the dinner table doesn't really have to be an issue (DD has had table food from 6 months, it is called Baby-Led Weaning), however, the age is! If you want to, you can tell FIL that in order to have table foods safely, a baby needs to be able to sit up steady, and pick up the food herself and put it in her mouth. Very few babies are ready for this before 6 months in any case, and of course, a baby's digestive system isn't ready to deal with anything but milk before around 6 months!

But it is your baby, you get a say, FIL doesn't! I wouldn't give him the chance. Your baby's health is much too important.

 

[alegna]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamazee I just wouldn't let him hold her around food until she's older.

:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calee This is not just a food issue-this is totally a respect issue.

YOU are the mama. Act like it. Hold your head high and protect your child.

-Angela

 

[AlwaysByMySide]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calee This is not just a food issue-this is totally a respect issue. You shouldn't HAVE to explain, convince, coerce, give things to read, etc. You are the momma. If your FIL is pulling this now, he will continue with a new "idea" or opinion constantly until he is in the grave! (Can you tell I have my own IL issues??? You do not owe him anything. Do not allow him to hold your child during meal times. Let him know firmly that if he can not respect your wishes, his times with her will be limited. You can start by doing that passively ("no, FIL, I'll hold her during supper! Thanks so much though!!) And if he continues to push, you may need to address him more directly.

:

I'd go so far as to say, if you saw FIL trying to feed your child, smack his hand. But I'm direct like that.

 

[ShwarmaQueen]

This is also a generational issue. Even mainstream pedi's nowadays don't recommend solids until 4 mos. and even then, 1/wk for 2 wks (or something slow like that). However, I know a lady who swears that her baby was so hungry that they had to put rice cereal in the bottle on the first night home from the hospital! And then there were those who "blended the family dinner" for the newborn (meat, potatoes, and all...)

:

I would say something along the lines of "They've made a lot of advances in infant feeding, one being that it's better to delay solids as long as possible..."

 

[Smokering]

My FIL has always been a bit funny about solids too. From 5 months, he's wanted to give Rowan chicken casserole, ice cream, fries, a caramel milkshake...

Fortunately he's never actually spooned anything into her mouth; he has too much decorum! So I can respond fairly graciously with "We're not planning on giving her dairy for a few months yet", or "Mm, she does look hungry--you want to nurse, Rowan?"

The comments do get on my nerves a little--I know my baby better than he does, and she isn't actually slavering for food whenever we eat, she's just interested in whatever's going on and she likes spoons.

So it kinda drives me quietly insane to continually hear "Ooh, look, she's really interested in your chocolate mousse! See how hungry she is!"

Arrgh. For self-defense, I'll make sure Rowan has some mashed banana to eat when they come over on Christmas Eve, so they can see she's eating something. I might also bring up SIL's dairy allergies as an excuse to not feed her custard pie.

Good luck with your FIL! Regardless of how much research you print out, I'd watch your DD like a hawk when she, he and food are together.

 

[schreiberwriter]

A neighbor mentioned women today delay feeding too late.

I brought up the reality of how slowly digestive enzymes appear. Google it so you can understand. I can't remember it exactly off the top of my head.

 

[_betsy_]

Huge choking hazard.

My FIL tried to feed my then-3-month-old niece a huge chunk of Italian sausage. Her parents, sitting right next to her, didn't.even.notice. I was across the table (table of 10, basically across the room) and stopped him.

Anyways, FIL has food issues, and he tried very early on to express control over DD's nutrition - she was a day old and he hadn't even seen her yet when he told me she'd "had enough of *that* and can switch to formula now." (She nursed until 19.5 months old and weaned due to me being PG, though I'd have happily nursed through it and tandem nursed if she wanted to.) We have been clear, polite, though blunt when necessary. She's 2 now and sits at the other end of the table away from him so he can't force feed her every Sunday.