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963 Views 27 Replies 26 Participants Last post by  darsmama
Is this tacky?

I don't want to have a baby shower. I hate them. Maybe I'm missing some estrogen, but I just hate them. I hate the games, I hate all those pastel colors being in one place, I hate them, I hate them. I hate them.

Okay, so if you are having a baby shower, you're not supposed to plan it yourself, right? Because you can't throw a party for yourself and expect people to bring gifts, you see?

But what if, just what if, I have a barbecue instead? I invite boys and girls and small boys and girls. I buy a whole bunch of white onesies and set up a station where people can either tie-dye or paint a small picture on the onesies. I specify that this is not a baby shower, in fact, I call it, say, a "Backyard Baby-Clothes-Making Barbecue," or something of the like. There's beer, food, cake, maybe a jumping castle for the kids. I say, "No gifts!" on the invitation.

People who really love me may elect to give me a gift at a different time, and of their own free will. No pressure, good times.

Am I allowed to do this? (Please say yes.)
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Yep. I'm with you on the shower hate. My sister threw me one, but I told her no games. She didn't totally listen because she's my sister and had a couple games that I didn't participate in. I just watched and laughed at all the goofy people. It was mostly just a get together of all my friends to celebrate new life. I wanted lots of kids there and I invited couples, not just women.
i think that would be awesome! OR, if you are told about the babyshower you could let them know your wishes? if they just HAVE to do it for you, yk?
I say go for it.
I I hate baby showers as well, somehow I ended up with THREE of them when I was pg with dd. I was miserable and hated them, I would of loved a barbeque instead.
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I think whatever YOU want is valid.

We don't have baby showers in our family, because my Aunty had a stillborn baby girl the year after I was born. Mum says she can't imagine how painful it would have been for Aunty to have to return the gifts, take down the nursery, etc etc. We kinda see it as tempting fate. Wait till bubs arrives and have a big "Wet The Baby's Head" party, I say. (Do you have that saying in the US? It basically means a big piss-up to celebrate a newborn. Any excuse for a piss-up LOL)
Absolutly not tacky! Can I come?

I think it would be a blast this is what I want to do when we have our next baby.
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Sounds like a great idea to me! You could also do something like that after the baby is born, as a sort of meet the baby thing and you'll probably get tons of gifts that way too. I hear ya on the silly shower games. I would have much rather had a BBQ with men invited as well. I have no close female friends, so it was all family at my shower.
not tacky to hate baby showers. i do, too. surprisingly i hate them less since becoming a mother myself. dunno why.

the clothes-making party sounds fun.

or how about a mother blessing, a la blessingway? my best friend asked me if she could throw me a shower when i was pregnant the first time but she knew i wasn't fond of "showers" in the traditional sense. so we planned it together and it ended up being a mother blessing. i only wanted women, we had yummy food, everyone brought two beads for a laboring necklace and a flower to add to a bouquet and a poem or wish or song or something to share with me in preparation for motherhood. it was truly one of the nicest days in my entire life, and it happened to be on mother's day weekend. i can still cry just remembering it...

Tacky? I was tacky- I canceled 2 of my bridal showers after I went to the first one and hated it

Nope, I don't think it's tacky. I personally wouldn't specify no gifts because of the whole 'you shouldn't expect them to bring gifts' thing but if you just call it a family BBQ (family as in friend's families) with tie dye for the new baby, I don't think people would feel obligated, or at least I wouldn't.

My MIL has announced that she is giving me a baby shower for this baby and I was to register for it. Nope, not registering for it. AND she lives 25 hours away, so how she's plannign on doing this, I have no idea. But she's doing it at her house and is fully aware that I will not be hiking my pregnant arse across the country for it. That's what MILs do, though, they be strange

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I've seen a ton of those "family BBQ" type gatherings on those evil shows like Baby Story (the ones you can't watch because of all the useless interventions and you end up yelling at the TV). I don't think it's tacky at all! Go for it!

Btw, when DH and I were getting married, some friends from church threw us a co-ed shower, and we had alot of fun. People brought us tools and things that are guy-friendly, as opposed to the regular showers where everyone brought crystal we didn't register for. I have German Shepherds. I can't put crystal out where it can be seen.
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I think it's a great idea!
I really really dislike baby showers, hate the games, the long wait for everything to happen, the cake, all of it

I don't mind going to them all that much, but I really didn't like having them for me

I don't think it'd be rude/tacky/etc. at all; more of a refreshing change!
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i didn't get baby showers with either birth. I wish i had thought of just doing one myself like this because i still feel sad about not celebrating my pregnancies in a party way.

with the first one my work was supposed to plan one but they fired me instead. i probably would have hated it anyway, feeling like i had to put on my best manners for people i wasn't super close to.

and with the second i already had everything i needed but i would have loved to get together with friends and family like that.

definately not tacky!
I love this idea. I think it sounds fun and not tacky at all. I hate baby showers as well.

It will be nice for your guests as well as it will be something new and exciting for them instead of guessing how many times a toilet paper roll fits around your belly!
We're having a BBQ instead of a shower. I think its a grand idea. Its going to be a couples thing and we decided to take the bull by the horns and plan it ourselves since we don't have any family in the area, just a HUGE lot of friends. I was thinking that we'd have a dessert contest and a keg and just whoop it up!
If your budget extends to it, how about also getting plain white t-shirts for the kids. Then they could decorate both a onsie and their own shirt and take something home.

Originally Posted by TurboClaudia
had yummy food, everyone brought two beads for a laboring necklace
What's a laboring necklace? Something to run through your fingers while in labor to help relieve stress?
Yes, by all means, have a BBQ!

But I agree with myhoney'swife -- you shouldn't specify "no gifts" because that implies gifts would normally be required.

Also, if it were me, I'd just call it a BBQ, and say nothing about dying onsies on the invite, b/c I think then people might think of it as a shower.

You'll still probably get gifts. But don't sweat it, people like to bring gifts when they go to parties! And at least they won't feel obligated...
I would! Heck, if this babe comes somewhat close to her due date, my mom says we are having a welcome the baby/Happy birthday to Grandpa (she's due on his birthday)/100th anniversary of the train robbery BBQ.

We don't have pre-baby showers in my family. It's bad luck.
My female relatives had one, just family. It was boring and hellish. My cousin brought her boyfriend and my brother came just to eat up the food. So not only was it boring, there wasn't any woman-power sentiment -or giggling or labor advice- either.
I also arranged for a friend in the country to have a bbq for us. The invitation said 'come to the post-punk parents-to-be potluck picnic' and I drew a baby covered in tattoos on the invite. We played croquet and the non-preggos had beer. This time, I think my sister is planning one for the relatives. I'm thinking of throwing myself an eco-shower, since I don't have many friends I see often (the punk rockers are still rockin' and the parents poor and tired) eco shower meaning no NEW gifts. A hand-me down from your kid, or something USED from consignment or goodwill is fine.
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