[Ruthiegirl]

Looking for legal advice on taking responsibility for my mom's financial medical future.

My mom will be moving in with us in a few weeks. She is ill and retiring without enough money. She will have some cash from the proceeds of her house, but certainly not enough to support her.

Are there resources for people in my shoes? I have googled a bit, but have not come up with a terrific site. I am looking for medical advice (she has diabetes), health insurance options, and financial information.

I am meeting with a rep from our health insurance office tomorrow to see if we can get her covered on our insurance. She has been hospitalized with diabetes related issues before, so health care is absolutely necessary. One trip to the ER would bankrupt her.

I am kind of overwhelmed at the moment. I really need a person, someone who has done this, someone who can say "here is your to-do list". This is all happening really fast, so our prep time is limited.

Any ideas? Advice? Resources?

And thanks.

 

[MsHiss]

I'm not sure I can help, but i had to post. Wish you the best in this difficult time. Are you in the U.S.? If so, and you expect to need Medicaid for your mom, there are some hoops to jump through. Is your mom over 65? PM me and I will share what I know... it really depends on your specific situation.

 

[velochic]

I feel for you. My mother lives with us. There is NOTHING to help adult children help their parents. And I can guarantee, with 100% certainty that you will not get her on your insurance. If she can get medicare, that is your only hope. Medicaid if she is under 65.

There are no resources unless you count things like senior citizens centers that provide activities (but those cost). There is no honest recourse and it really sucks!

There is also no "to-do" list because there is nothing you can do. Just take her in, take care of her and absorb the costs.

I'm sorry I don't have more positive things to tell you.

 

[alicia622]

Can she receive SSI or SSDI? I imagine she will have to spend down the money from the house proceeds in order to receive benefits. What state are you in? There may be a elderly non-profit agency that can assist you with figuring it all out.

 

[Chicky2]

I am currently, and have been for a long time, in your situation. My MIL is physically and mentally handicapped, and could no longer care for herself and wasn't getting enough help from the state to live alone.

We ended up having to build her a little handicap-accessible house right next to ours. At the time, we were also caring for her elderly sister, who later died in our home (Hospice came to help).

My MIL thankfully had long term disability and insurance thru her employer (she was on long term disability for 14 years). Then her employer retired her early, her disability ended, and she cannot officially retire until she's 66 (she's 65). She receives SSDI, but lost 1/3 of her income. She's on Medicare now. She doesn't qualify for Medicaid because she is living on our property. They include our income.

: Oh yeah, and she lost almost all of her stock shares.

Until she turns 66, we just have to suck it up and pay for stuff. It really sucks, but we manage. I'm hoping, hoping, hoping her SS will increase when she turns 66. ****sigh****

I wish you all the luck in the world. If you find anything amazing. please post. Maybe it'll help me, too.

 

[Skywise]

We live with my mom and care for her. It took some research but we've found tons of resources. I don't know what it's called in the state you live in, but here it's called the Department of Family and Children's Services, and they had a lot of good information. My mom also called her senator and some other people in the government and they were very helpful and gave her lots of info on resources. My mom is only 55 but she gets Medicaid, Medicare and food stamps. It doesn't matter that we live together, we are considered two seperate assistance units. Can your mom get disability? I think it's unusual but my mom got social security disability very easily.

 

[Chicky2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skywise It doesn't matter that we live together, we are considered two seperate assistance units.

Mind if I ask which state you live in? That is NOT the way it works in Texas.

 

[Skywise]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chicky2 Mind if I ask which state you live in? That is NOT the way it works in Texas.

We live in GA. You would think it would work the same way in every state since it's a federal program but I guess not.

 

[velochic]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chicky2 Mind if I ask which state you live in? That is NOT the way it works in Texas.

Yes, I'd like to know, too. Especially with food stamps, the household income is the deciding factor. It doesn't work that way in Indiana, either.

We have ZERO resources. And we, ourselves are in our 40's and 50's with my mother almost 70, even dh is enrolled in AARP.

 

[velochic]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skywise We live in GA. You would think it would work the same way in every state since it's a federal program but I guess not.

With food stamps, they base it on household income unless the parent has a separate food preparation place (that is, they cannot share your kitchen with you, but utilize their own kitchen in a separate quarters). That is federally mandated (or so I was told).

 

[Chicky2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by velochic With food stamps, they base it on household income unless the parent has a separate food preparation place (that is, they cannot share your kitchen with you, but utilize their own kitchen in a separate quarters). That is federally mandated (or so I was told).

Hmmm. That's interesting. I wonder if that includes a kitchen that does not have a stove? My mil has a little kitchen area w/a sink, a dorm fridge, a George Foreman grill, a microwave, a toaster, and coffee pot. It's her own little 900 sq ft. house, two rooms. One room is a bedroom/living area/kitchen/eating area, and one room is a bathroom/utility room w/washer/dryer/hot water heater and closet area. It is connected to our house w/a ramp/porch area. Because of the way we go about obtaining/stockpiling our food, we do not need fs for her, but if for some reason she ever did need them, I wonder if she would qualify?

 

[velochic]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chicky2 Hmmm. That's interesting. I wonder if that includes a kitchen that does not have a stove? My mil has a little kitchen area w/a sink, a dorm fridge, a George Foreman grill, a microwave, a toaster, and coffee pot. It's her own little 900 sq ft. house, two rooms. One room is a bedroom/living area/kitchen/eating area, and one room is a bathroom/utility room w/washer/dryer/hot water heater and closet area. It is connected to our house w/a ramp/porch area. Because of the way we go about obtaining/stockpiling our food, we do not need fs for her, but if for some reason she ever did need them, I wonder if she would qualify?

We don't need FS either, but she insisted we find out. What I was told is "own food preparation area". That's it. In our case, she has a bedroom and living room of her own (not even her own bathroom) that we renovated over from the garage with an addition. Her case is pretty cut-and-dried. You'd have to ask if yours qualifies. I don't see why it wouldn't. Good luck!

 

[angelcollector1]

Several years ago when my mom lived with me, in RI... she filed for medical assistance and food stamps and was able to receive them because she paid her share of the living expenses in the house, and they did not take my income into consideration. When you go to social services you have to make them aware that you are NOT providing support for your mom, she is living in your house and is responsible for her portion of the expenses (whether she pays them to you or not). Of course they will take the amount of income she has in the bank into consideration and in most cases, if it's more than $1100, then she won't qualify until that money is gone. If you tell the gov't agencies and other places you contact for resources that you are supporting her, then she will not get any benefits from them, I can assure you of that.
Also, you don't want to be responsible for her medical expenses because even if you can afford them, you shouldn't have to pay them, she is the person who receives the services and should be responsible for them, and the reason I say that is because if you accept responsibility, you will owe them until they are paid for and they could bankrupt you, however if something were to happen to your mom, and I know this sounds horrible, the debts die with her unless she has an estate that will have enough assets to pay them. My mom owed tens of thousands of dollars in medical bills when she died from lung cancer, if I had signed any of the admittance forms at the hospital, with hospice, or the doctor, I would be responsible for those bills and they would affect my credit, however because I didn't sign them or take responsibility, I'm not responsible. Same thing with a spouse. The debts die with anyone for anything they owe, medical or otherwise unless you sign on as a responsible party with the exception of something you cosign or own part of unless there are assets in the estate to pay those debts.

 

[Skywise]

Quote:

Originally Posted by velochic With food stamps, they base it on household income unless the parent has a separate food preparation place (that is, they cannot share your kitchen with you, but utilize their own kitchen in a separate quarters). That is federally mandated (or so I was told).

That is weird. Here you just have to buy your food seperatly.

 

[Mama Dragon]

Make her a separate household and get her medicaid and food stamps and if she's old enough, see if she can get social security. As long as she (or any husband she was married to for 10+ years) has enough credits, and not too many resourses, she can get that.

For food stamps, you tell them you prepare your meals seperately and store your food seperate. There does not need to be different areas, just that each "household" takes care of their own food. We did this for many years while I took care of my dad, if you need details on how it works, PM me.

 

[velochic]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skywise That is weird. Here you just have to buy your food seperatly.

How do you prove that? ( I mean to the powers-that-be).

 

[Poddi]

I live with my old grandma and pay for most things she needs. We can't deduct tax or anything for taking care of her. I guess it's not the norm to let the elderly move in with you.

Luckily everybody here gets health care so that's free. She also has some government aid so that can pay for all her medications and a bit of pocket money.

I'm sure if we try to apply for anything her little bit of government money would count as household income. We don't apply for any help, though so it doesn't matter. I think if my parents get to the point of needing help I'll talk them into moving into an apartment close to us. It's the best if they're close to you but not actually living together. You can go check on them daily if needed and help with chores but you don't have to share everything. Is that possible at all for your mom?

 

[angelcollector1]

Poddi, do you claim her on your income tax as a dependent? If you are providing more than 50% of her support, you are entitled to do so.

 

[dubfam]

Quote:

Originally Posted by velochic How do you prove that? ( I mean to the powers-that-be).

Here in Oregon you just have to buy your food separately. There is no way to prove it...on the application they ask you to list the income total for the people you will be buying and preparing food with.

When I was in college two of my roommates and I were all on food stamps. We did not have to include everyone's income, only our own since we were all single. It is run on the honor system and could certainly be abused.

hth

Regarding the op, I am sorry you are in this situation. DH and I are both only children and neither of our mothers are saving properly for retirement. They are both divorced with no real valuable assets. His Mother rents an apartment, my Mom owns a crappy little mobile home/trailer that she keeps on rented property. Just last weekend MIL mentioned that she might have diabetes. GREAT was all I could think. $$$ went running through my mind. I actually asked my Mom to stop buying so many gifts for our family and save for retirement instead. I felt tacky doing that, but I just don't know what else to do. This could ruin us financially. What are we supposed to do, move them both in?? Did I mention that they are both toxic? MIL only recently stopped buying dh's toothbrushes and he is 38!!
even thinking about it makes me feel

:

Please post if you find any good websites. I hope you can get some help. This is a growing problem.

 

[Ruthiegirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsHiss I'm not sure I can help, but i had to post. Wish you the best in this difficult time. Are you in the U.S.? If so, and you expect to need Medicaid for your mom, there are some hoops to jump through. Is your mom over 65? PM me and I will share what I know... it really depends on your specific situation.

Yes, I am in the US and my mom is only 57, a long way from being eligible for Medicare. I'll PM you with more, but don't mind sharing a bit here. It sounds like there are more of us who may be facing this situation and we all have a lot to learn. Thanks.