[Momma Aimee]

Theo has Speech 2 to 4 days a week.

he doesn't ever want to go.

He has a good time once he is there (most times) and he leaves happy --
but totally emotionally worn out adn hyper / silly the rest of the day from that 30 minutes of effort

butttttt day after day

"momma i don't want to go"

"Miss Em is not our freind"

"I don't like Miss Em"

"Miss em makes me say hard words i can't say"

"it is too hard"

"it makes me sad"

and so on

we rarely get in the car to go without tears

We keep going, it is helping some, i guess, but it is just so hard on ME

Theo doesn't refuse to go, he doesn't fight to go, he doesn't throw a fit about it. He sobs like his haeart is breaking, he trudges off with his shoulder down and his head hanging low and tears streaming down his face.

when we talk about it -- he says all the stuff i xited above, and he will say that though the tears and we get ready adn go -- like a little boy on his way to the gas chamber.

no fit, not resistanc. just sobs that will break your heart and a defeated acceptance and a broken heart ... 4+ times a week. and a deep sadness

it is killing me.

 

[HarperRose]

Does he need more praise for when he gets it right or tries extra hard?

 

[khaoskat]

I am in an almost similar boat.

DS2 does not like to go to ST and he only goes once a week (but he also does not like to go to "old school", which is 4 days a week).

He never gets physical, he just drops onto the floor and goes limp. He also gets very vocal about it. It sometimes takes us getting into a yelling match with him.

Even when we are there, he hides/crawls under the chairs, very hard and reluctant to get to go back. But once he is back there he is fine and comes out happy with his stickers.

 

[prescottchels]

I wouldn't continue to force my child to do something w/a response like that every time.
It's crushing his spirit.
Have you sat in, watched from afar or listened outside the door to know how the sessions are going? Maye a new therapist is in order?
Or maybe it's just not the right time for your dc to be doing this therapy...?
If it was me, I'd talk to dc and say, I can see how sad you are about going to ST. Let's take a break from it for a while. You have to go back, cuz it's really important for you to get help learning how to speak so others can understand you. So I want you to let me know when you're ready to start ST again.

It's hard to leave seemingly important decisions in the hands of children, but they really will choose to learn things that are important to them when they're ready, and with more ease than you ever thought imaginable.

In the meantime, maybe you reinforce things at home that the ST worked on so you don't lose ground. Or get some 'lessons' from your ST to work on at home w/o her during your break, but keep it light and fun. If either of you ever starts dreading it, it's not going to work.

Also if you do choose to change therapists get your dc involved w/interviewing the new one. It's more important that they click than if you and the ST click, ya know?

FWIW if I'd had to go to ST as a kid I'd have been having emotional breakdowns as well. Someone staring at me, critiquing everything that came out of my mouth, pushing my comfort zone all. the. time. No thanks. It doesn't matter how nice or cheerful she is. I'd be mortified.

My heart goes out to you both. I hope you can find a happy medium.
Love and blessings,
Chelsie

 

[vocalise]

Yeah that sounds traumatic for the poor guy, and not necessarily worth it.

A couple of ideas come to mind...

Is there the possibility of getting someone to come to your home? Maybe someone who can take a little longer with your ds and give him "breaks" throughout the session?

Failing that, could *you* go to his appointments alone for awhile to get the therapist to teach you what activities to do with him at home? That way, you can spread them out through the day and make sure there are fun activities afterwords for him to look forward to.

 

[Marsupialmom]

Some kids are Eeyores...If your child is this way I can't help you.

Sometimes we have to teach them we have to work through things we don't want to do when it is for our own good or family's good.

I don't want to clean the toilet, but I do it because it is best for me and my family.

Daddy doesn't want to wash dishes but he does it for us.

Daddy/mommy doesn't want to go to work but we do because ---

Grandma broke her wrist and she doesn't want to go to therapy, it hurts but in the long term it is best.

I hate weeding the garden, it is hard work,but I get good vegetables.

Speech therapy is as necessary as physical therapy and many other medical treatments. Delaying it can have longer term effects in academics and socializing. It can make later speech therapy harder. It can be frustrating.

Help your child understand the importance of speech. How it will help him in the long term.

I would secretly send him with a recorder to see if there is a "reason" for his not liking this teacher.

Can you send him with a security object? Maybe ask for a session were you three just snack and play together--low or no work done.

When my dd was going to a deaf school for speech between 2.5-3 years of age there was this one little girl that ABSOLUTELY HATED all the therapist. The start of every interaction with this child was torture for the therapist, parent, child and anyone else in the area. I know they had meetings to try to improve interaction, but the adults just ended up struggling through the first few minutes of a session. By the end of the session she was laughing, but I know there was a few times walking out to our car I heard her say she hates "tose" (those) referring to the therapist.

I saw more than one child cry and the thought of getting ear molds. Going through the system, I know these kids were treated well and with gentle care. They just hated the process.

I know the mom ended up doing bribes for corporation.

 

[SashaBreeze]

Although I do not have experience with this with my own child I do have a little bit of an insiders perspective on the issue because of my own speech therapy as a child. I had speech several times a week through my local school system until 6th grade.

I absolutely begged my mother to take me out of speech. The reasons? Well for one thing it set me out as separate from the other kids. Why did I have to do this and not my other classmates? Why did my siblings not have to? There would be long periods of time that I just was not improving, no matter how much my mom worked with me or my therapist, my mouth would just not work with my mind no matter how hard I tried and it was very, very frustrating. Also what I found frustrating was how hard I had to work around my therapist. I would want to tell her something and she would make me go over it and over it until I could say it right. I wanted to scream in her face to leave me alone. At home mom worked with me during our allotted time for that but other than during that time I could be lax and speak freely and just leave it up to them to figure out what I was saying, the same went for my teachers and peers at school. My therapist wouldn't allow it, and honestly as nice of a person she was and the fun games she had planned for me I resented having to work so hard for her. Years later when I was a senior in high school I had the staring role in a production of Lizzie Borden we were performing in front of a packed house. Before my first scene I took a moment to think about all those years of speech. I closed my eyes and thanked my speech therapist for never letting me cheat, for being so hard on me and silently wished she could see me that night. I dedicated that performance in my heart to her.

The point in all that? I would sit in on some sessions and make sure she really is being good to your child, just to make sure. Then I would make him take the speech. Some days will be so frustrating for your little guy that it will break both your hearts, but in the long run... well, ultimately it really is worth it to finally be able to have the world understand what has been going through your mind for years but could never say out-loud.

 

[karne]

I really hear you. My oldest gets OT for some writing issues, and really, really struggles with going/participating. She's older, and the frustration of still needing help, and being apart from other kids is very hard at this point. And, therapy isn't always fun. I think that there is a fine balancing act where you understand that a certain level of frustration is going to happen, or maybe even some distress, but it is ultimately either worth it for the end goal, or not overly traumatic for the child. If it became so, I would look for a therapy "break"-even a month. Sometimes young kids can benefit from some time off and growth can occur during that time. Many of the issues our kids struggle with aren't going to be solved overnight-it's important to us to realize that what we're doing right now is part of a longer term plan-often years of a plan. That might provide some context for allowing time off, if you feel he needs it.

On the other hand, another of my kids has required fairly intensive treatment for breathing issues, and has not struggled at all with some of the things we have to do. I think it's just personality-more accepting and easy going that my older.

It sounds so hard for you. Hugs.

ETA: JUust another thought-do you have something special for him to look forward to after therapy, ie lunch out together, special time together? Wondering if that would help?

I also want to say that I know what it feels like to feel like your heart is breaking to see your child sad/upset or struggling. It's very deep, and I know we would take these struggles ourselves for our kids if we could.

 

[Momma Aimee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HarperRose Does he need more praise for when he gets it right or tries extra hard?

I don't think so.

Miss Emis great with him. and when he sees her is he happy to go see what she has planned. she does try to makeit play as much as she can. and he does a great job once he is there.

Miss Em jsut told me yesterday she is seeing a lot of new maturity in him !

Just breaks my heart how he reacts to havig to go.

I can't read the rest of the replies right now Theo is insistant i brush teeth withhim, and I have to resce daddy form the younger so he can get dressed -- and we have to go again today -- Theio is actually haveing more assessment / testing done ... but to him it will jsut be more ST

(which we don't call speech therpay anyway way

 

[Kirsten]

Quote:

Originally Posted by prescottchels I wouldn't continue to force my child to do something w/a response like that every time. If it was me, I'd talk to dc and say, I can see how sad you are about going to ST. Let's take a break from it for a while. You have to go back, cuz it's really important for you to get help learning how to speak so others can understand you. So I want you to let me know when you're ready to start ST again.

That would be the day after never with any kid I've ever met. What if it was his seat belt? Would you still give him a break and let him tell you when he was ready to start wearing it again? Sometimes we have to be the adult and help them do what is required.

Quote:

Originally Posted by prescottchels FWIW if I'd had to go to ST as a kid I'd have been having emotional breakdowns as well. Someone staring at me, critiquing everything that came out of my mouth, pushing my comfort zone all. the. time. No thanks. It doesn't matter how nice or cheerful she is. I'd be mortified.

That is your perception of being in a situation that you haven't actually been in. I was in speech therapy for a few years in early elementary. Like almost everything in life, it is how you look at it. What to you is someone staring was to me someone spending one-on-one time with me, giving me their undivided attention. What to you is critiquing was to me a game of trying not to let her catch me saying the sound that mushy way. I am so thankful for speech therapy, and have such fond memories of that time that I chose that as my major in college and now have my degree in Speech Pathology.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SashaBreeze Years later when I was a senior in high school I had the staring role in a production of Lizzie Borden we were performing in front of a packed house. Before my first scene I took a moment to think about all those years of speech. I closed my eyes and thanked my speech therapist for never letting me cheat, for being so hard on me and silently wished she could see me that night. I dedicated that performance in my heart to her. The point in all that? I would sit in on some sessions and make sure she really is being good to your child, just to make sure. Then I would make him take the speech. Some days will be so frustrating for your little guy that it will break both your hearts, but in the long run... well, ultimately it really is worth it to finally be able to have the world understand what has been going through your mind for years but could never say out-loud.

This made me cry - so touching.

There are many things that kids don't want to do. Some we can let go - as it really isn't a big deal if they wear matching socks or eat a dinner food for breakfast. But no matter how they wished they didn't have to, a diabetic child needs insulin. Kids must wear their seat belts. We force those physical safety rules. To me, quitting speech therapy wouldn't cause physical safety issues, but it most likely would cause emotional issues - which can be just as bad.

Is it going to be any easier for him to go to speech when he is in middle school, and the embarrassment/stigma/whatever is ten times worse? Many young kids get speech therapy, but it isn't as common with older kids. I'd take him now and get the issues fixed when he is young - before he gets embarrassed to speak up in class, to ask someone to homecoming, etc.

My kid has braces. Sometimes they ache, and she's asked to get them taken off. I will empathize with her (I remember mine hurting sometimes too) and give her a pain reliever and make her soft food. But the braces are staying.

I am SO glad my parents sent me to speech therapy.
I am SO glad my parents got me braces.
I am SO glad my best friend's mom made me go to college.

And I wish, really truly, that my parents had made me try a group sport. Even just one season, even though I was scared to. I missed out on a lot. I wish they hadn't let me quit piano lessons. My kids each go through that "I hate it; I don't want to go anymore" but there is - if you can put up with the frustration of arguing and paying for something they hate - the other side! My oldest complained weekly (like my middle is doing now) but now thanks me all the time for not letting her quit. It is a source of pride for her now; her friends come over and beg her to play something. It is a comfort to her now - when she's had a hard day, she'll sit down and play. If I'd let her quit, I honestly don't think she'd have come back and started again - she'd remember how much she hated it as that would be her last memory of it.

Sometimes thinking about going is worse than actually going. I know my dd2 has fun when she is actually IN piano lessons (they are group lessons with singing and dancing and all sorts of fun along with the piano). It is like that sometimes for us with the gym. "I don't want to go... I'd rather stay home and" but once we are there, it is fine.

I'd try to be sure MY attitude and thoughts about him going to speech therapy are good. Even if our words are positive, if our thoughts aren't, kids can feel that. "I'm so sorry you have to go" and "I wish you didn't have to go" give negative connotations. You can acknowledge that he'd rather keep playing Legos, and suggest making a (insert fun Lego item here) when you get back. Then maybe "remind me about that tongue exercise you do with Miss Em - I want to try and see if I can do it". Let him teach you some of his games/tricks/exercises.

Just hang in there. He will thank you someday.

 

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

Hugs! I know it's crummy.

VeeGee is just a little older than your guy, and she does this intermittently with all of her therapies. In the past we have fired a therapist who we thought was the cause of the sadness, and that helped, but it sounds like y'all have a good one.

When VeeGee gets emotional about going, I just give her lots of hugs and tell her that I really do understand how much she doesn't want to go, but that it is helping her. For whatever reasons, she loves going to the doctor, so I use that as an example of doing something that helps us, that we can get used to (baths may be another possibility if he's into them). We also do a lot of talking (throughout the week) about what a cool person her (XYZ) therapist is, and how much they love her.

I know that some people have the reaction that if the kiddo doesn't like something, we shouldn't force it, but, as you know, Aimee, there are just different "rules" in the SN paradigm. We do find ourselves (gently) forcing things on our children because they're just not going to choose the difficult work for themselves. It's certainly NOT a matter of shaming them into learning to speak! Or having everything that comes out of their mouth criticized.

Maybe, hopefully, this is a stage. Do you think that he may not see the benefit of going, like decreased frustration with communication, for example? Perhaps pointing out how much better he's doing would be helpful. We show VeeGee videos of when she couldn't make "XYZ) sound and tell her that she's doing so much better partly because she goes to see Miss Janet and Miss Mary. We also mention how proud they would be if they'd heard her say something that we know they've been working on. Makes them kind of more a part of our family-team.

At any rate, sorry this is going on for y'all. It's rough!

 

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

Course, I coulda just said, "What Kirsten said!" She pretty much summed it up.

 

[Momma Aimee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by prescottchels I wouldn't continue to force my child to do something w/a response like that every time. It's crushing his spirit. Have you sat in, watched from afar or listened outside the door to know how the sessions are going? Maye a new therapist is in order? Or maybe it's just not the right time for your dc to be doing this therapy...? If it was me, I'd talk to dc and say, I can see how sad you are about going to ST. Let's take a break from it for a while. You have to go back, cuz it's really important for you to get help learning how to speak so others can understand you. So I want you to let me know when you're ready to start ST again. It's hard to leave seemingly important decisions in the hands of children, but they really will choose to learn things that are important to them when they're ready, and with more ease than you ever thought imaginable. In the meantime, maybe you reinforce things at home that the ST worked on so you don't lose ground. Or get some 'lessons' from your ST to work on at home w/o her during your break, but keep it light and fun. If either of you ever starts dreading it, it's not going to work. Also if you do choose to change therapists get your dc involved w/interviewing the new one. It's more important that they click than if you and the ST click, ya know? FWIW if I'd had to go to ST as a kid I'd have been having emotional breakdowns as well. Someone staring at me, critiquing everything that came out of my mouth, pushing my comfort zone all. the. time. No thanks. It doesn't matter how nice or cheerful she is. I'd be mortified. My heart goes out to you both. I hope you can find a happy medium. Love and blessings, Chelsie

For a long time i was in each session, but he works better for Miss E without me.

Miss Em is a great lady she never tells him he is wrong, only repeats it correctly and so on. She is very encourageing.

we really can't take time off. we've missed a ton due to snow -- bad bad winter here -- and he declines a lot with missed time, and his decline over winter break was sig too.

We can't do something fun after each time -- we live so rurlal there is not that much to do. we do snacks in teh van home that he only gets for cooperation. we go 4 x a week some weeks so nothing is really THAT special afterwards anyway. not like a 1 a month doctor appt or something.

more later

 

[Momma Aimee]

thaks

he does great there -- most of the time, some times he gets tearly and fustrated -- and Miss Em backs off. She IS good with him and to him -- we've been working with her since he was 20 months and he is 4 + 3 months now.

She will have "back off days" when he is "at that point" where he is not progressing and is really stuggling emotionally.

She is very aware of the extra emotional needs we have too --

one day -- she let him "earn" a wagon ride -- the wagon is for the PT kids and Theo has no need to have it / use it (or the big special trike he is also lusting after) but she knew he really wanted it and was at a point he was teary, emotional and not progressing adn was not outting fort effort in session -- so she gave him a fun day.

it jsut hurts my heart ....to see the poor little guy truge down the steps to the van, tears streaming down his face, sobbing like his heart will break -- but going off to battle anyway

it makes me feel like

what kind of mom am I???????????????????

He does "love her" and will remind me to add her to teh list of people to make a v-day card for a a christmas decoration ...

i don't know ther eis a answer -- i jsut feel so bad

 

[SashaBreeze]

This does sound very hard. I hate when my kids are sad. hmmm... Maybe try switching your view on it? Instead of feeling sorry for him maybe you could flip it around and change the emotion to pride in him going and doing the work even though he doesn't want to? "Wow! Look at you. You soooo dont want to go but you are doing it anyway because you know it is important. That is very grown up of you to keep doing something that makes you so sad sometimes. I dont even know very many adults that can do something that brave!"
I dont know... maybe it would work?

 

[Aridel]

Is he alone when he sees her or in a group? Some children do better getting to therapies if they know they have friends who will be there. It does mean less 1:1 time with the therapist, but having peers at her therapies has done wonders for my dd with wanting to go, and using her communication skills with peers. It's not a cure all, but it might be something to think about - depending on your kiddo's personality of course!

 

[meemee]

can you give him more time in the morning.

on those kinda days i noticed my dd needed much more support from me than ever.

she did that to me about going to dc.

the only thing that helped was waking up earlier, snuggling in the morning and doing something on the way before we went in. just that 15 mins snuggling in bed really helped with the tears.

also my dd was a 'talker'. so i would explain to her how much i hated watching her cry. how i hated that she couldnt get what she wanted. how bad i felt that i could not offer her alternative options. we would both sit and cry about how tough life was. i really think that helped her cope a lot. just acknowledging made a huge difference. however i will say that it left its mark on dd - even though she understood it. she is a v. independent child but has a lot of emotional needs and a fear of abandonment. i definitely attribute it to those tears.

my heart cries for you mama.

 

[Momma Aimee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SashaBreeze This does sound very hard. I hate when my kids are sad. hmmm... Maybe try switching your view on it? Instead of feeling sorry for him maybe you could flip it around and change the emotion to pride in him going and doing the work even though he doesn't want to? "Wow! Look at you. You soooo dont want to go but you are doing it anyway because you know it is important. That is very grown up of you to keep doing something that makes you so sad sometimes. I dont even know very many adults that can do something that brave!" I dont know... maybe it would work?

nds like a great idea. !!!!!

tahnsk eveyone.

he does HAVE to have a lot more momma time (held time) on ST days .. usally when we get home.

He is in 1:1 ST but Miss Em does pull in a peer sometimes to be with him.

 

[Kirsten]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Momma Aimee it jsut hurts my heart ....to see the poor little guy truge down the steps to the van, tears streaming down his face, sobbing like his heart will break -- but going off to battle anyway it makes me feel like what kind of mom am I??????????????????? i don't know there is a answer -- i jsut feel so bad

I think it is fair to feel bad that he is upset. I think it is fair to wish there was no need for him to go to something that he doesn't want to. But do NOT feel like a bad mom for taking him to speech therapy! You are a GOOD mom! It sounds like his therapist is good and understanding. It won't always be like this; he will either get better about going or progress to the point that he doesn't need to go. Someday this will be a distant memory. And on that day, he will tell you - with words that everyone will be able to understand - thank you for taking him even though it was hard.

 

[elmh23]

for Theo!

Do you mind me asking you why he goes four times a week for a half hour at a time? Seems like it would be easier on him if it was only twice a week, but for an hour.

For a LONG time, my son HATED seeing our ST. He loved the OT though. But as soon as I'd say that Miss Judi is coming over, he'd either be running to hide so he wouldn't have to see her, or cling to me like I was about to drop him in to a vat with a thousand alligators. We see her for an hour every week, and now (18 months later) he LOVES Judi and has actually asked for her to come on other days. I'm not sure what really changed, maybe he matured or just got used to her or who knows what.

Also, this is a situation where I might decide to use bribery. If he gets to ST without crying, then he gets a sticker or something. I did that with my dd for leaving playgroup without screaming for a while. Now I sometimes use it to get ds out of dd's preschool without a tantrum.