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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I feel like we've started off down this AP path with things like babywearing, cosleeping, etc and things have been going great. (see my signature
) But now that we've got those things down pat and my dd is getting older, it seems we are moving into a grey, more theoretical area then "which cd's are best?"

I am reading Unconditional Parenting but feel I need more specific advice. I have been catching myself saying "no" alot more than i want to.

Recently I heard someone say "There should be 7 "no's" and everything else is a "yes"." What do you all think about that?

Any words of wisdom, or reading suggestions?
 

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One thing that helped me was to phrase things differently. Instead of, "No, don't touch that!" I'd say, "Here, Sweetie, do you want this?" If he kept going for off-limits object #1, I'd pick him up gently and move him away and say, "That's not for mouths." (Or whatever was appropriate)

Babyproofing REALLY helps limit the Nos. Pretty much everything he couldn't touch at all we put out of his range (closet, high shelf, guest room with the door closed at all times, etc.). What we were left with was a few things he could look at or touch but not chew on (like the coffee table. We didn't want it to look like a woodchuck lived here!) and a lot of things that were fine for him.

Redirection is the name of the game with babies and young toddlers. Most of them can be distracted by something else that's exciting and interesting.

Enjoy it! I miss that age! It was such fun because everything was so new and exciting and they can finally move to where they want to go!
 

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I've just been using redirection at this point.....and saying stuff like "ouchie" if it's dangerous.
I would like some good books to read also....I've been talking with other moms and they do stuff like pinch and slap to get their childs attention. Ech.
How long does redirection work for?

Wendi
 

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9 months seems really young for any kind of discipline. At 9 months we concentrated on prevention -- so, putting breakables up high, leaving out baskets of interesting stuff (not necessarily toys...plastic cups, old magazines, etc), and generally just avoiding as many "no" situations as possible.

Then, redirection. Redirection still works with my almost-4-year-old, so it's a great thing!

We only redirected when a DC was going to a) hurt herself; b) hurt someone/something else; c) break something or make a huge mess (though we tried to prevent c situations as much as possible). So both of our kids rummaged around in our CD cabinet for a couple of months, played with pots and pans in the kitchen, etc.

Pinching and slapping is nasty. At this age they are curious - so let them be curious. Just make it safe.

Playful Parenting is great, though I'm not sure how much of it would be useful for a 9-month-old. Mostly it's just about not worrying if stuff gets messed up, and staying positive (as a PP said, say "Oh, here's a toy" instead of "No, don't touch that!" -- really, whatever "that" is should not be within baby's reach if you don't want him/her touching it in the first place).
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by nancy926 View Post
9 months seems really young for any kind of discipline.
I have to disagree - "discipline" means "to teach". I don't think babies are ever too young for that.
I teach my 10 mo that some things "would hurt" or "not in the mouth" and just generally do a lot of redirecting. We've reasonably child-proofed our home, but I have an almost-3-yo, so there will be things that she gets into that are not age-appropriate and will require some redirection. It's unavoidable once they're mobile. I really try to give her a reason if I have to say "no", even though I know she doesn't necessarily understand, because:
1)dd1 is watching (so if I don't say "no we don't hit, it hurts", dd1 will turn around and imitate the baby)
2)it's a good habit for when she does "get it", which may be sooner than I think.
 

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I have a relatively careful child with good hand coordination, but anybody can do this to SOME extent: When I was tempted to say no, I'd think about whether it was possible that he could play with something safely with close supervision and possibly some help.

For example, he was very interested in the shot glasses visible through the door of the china cabinet, and if I was holding him near there, he'd reach for them and make demanding sounds. Most people would say a baby should not play with a shot glass because he'll break it and cut himself. I decided not to believe that. I talked about how the glasses are fragile and need to be handled carefully. Then I opened the door and let him take one. He handled it carefully. He pretended to drink from it. After a while I let him fill it at the sink, and he drank without spilling a drop.

Soon we began serving his water in a shot glass at meals. Once in a while he would bang it on the table, and then we'd take it away and remind him that we have to be gentle with glasses.

At 15 months he started helping to wash the dishes. He is almost 23 months now and has broken exactly 2 dishes. Both times, he was conducting an experiment with a lot of dishes stacked up on the counter and pouring water into them, and I was saying repeatedly, "Keep the water in the sink," and moving his research materials back into the sink, so he got angry and threw a dish into a sinkful of dishes, causing something to break. I took this very seriously: loud gasp, immediate removal of EnviroBaby from highchair to floor, moving highchair away from sink so he couldn't get back up, draining sink, removing broken pieces and showing them to him, saying, "Look, this dish is broken, and now we will have to throw it away and never have it any more. I am sad that you broke the dish. The pieces are very sharp and dangerous. I have to be careful picking them up so I don't hurt my hands. I am angry that you turned our dish into these pieces. That is why we don't throw dishes." When I had everything cleaned up and the sink refilled, I said, "You can help wash the dishes if you are careful and keep the water in the sink." One time he climbed back into his chair with a big smile and behaved perfectly for the rest of the dish-washing. The other time, he said, "Daddy!" and I got Daddy to play with him in another room while I finished the dishes.

Anyway, my point is that your baby may be able to use some things that are "not for babies" if you make it clear, through words and examples, how those things are to be used and you supervise and correct her behavior as necessary. It's really convenient to be able to reduce the number of things that have to be kept out of reach! Not that it works for everything...EnviroBaby just loved flinging CDs on the floor and smashing the boxes, so we moved them to a higher shelf.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
This is all so helpful.

So far it seems I am doing a bit of all of these.

As far as the use of the word "discipline"....I guess for most people this word conjures the slapping of a hand, or the raising of a voice, but I figured here at mdc, it was more about gentle guidence which my dd definitely needs.

I do think it's time to start teaching her things like "yucky" (cat food and bunny litter) and "that's dangerous" and "that's not for eating" which are the 3 catagories I try to place our "no's" in.

I guess I'm trying reconcile my desire to have a free range baby with keeping her away from things like our bunny, who lives (self-confined) on a little mat with her food, hay, and litter box. In other words, she's not in a cage and my dd *loves* to go visit her which 9 times out of 10 is frustrating for me since she dumps the food, puts her hands in the poop and gets the litter all over her clothes (did i say i'm allergic to the bun.) which then means we have to wash hands, etc. Sometimes I sit with her a minute and give the bun a treat, but I feel like this just confuses her....and my husband brings the bun out to play at night. Any ideas for that one? I guess she just needs to satisfy her curiosity.

I find that once my super inquisitive dd gets her mind set on something, she is not always easily redirected.

btw--as an idea for mamas with babes in this age range---right now my dd *loves* to rummage through the fridge. Now, my mom was like "but she's wasting all that cold air!" which is true, but I figure the money we're saving on excersaucers and blinking toys is better spent on my dd having her 5 minutes a day exploring the fridge!
 

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For the bunny, could you do a gate around it? I'm imagining one of those "corral-type" things, like what some of my friends had around their Christmas trees. The superyard is I think the one I've seen. Then she can still see and watch the bunny, but can't get to the poop and the food.
 

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DS is 9.5 mths. We are doing a lot of re-directing and baby-proofing.

We have three main places that are his domain in the house.

We have his room, which is basically a carpeted 16X12 room with a bookshelf full of his books (which he is free to take out as he wishes), a dresser with big knobs on the drawers (drawers don't open well so he hasn't pinched fingers yet) a rocking chair, a glider (surrounded by stuffed animals to lessen the chances of pinched fingers), a desk with toys underneath it and a window that he can just barely see out.. He has COMPLETE free reign of this room as it's completely safe.

The next room is our home office with a corner computer desk (All computer stuff in one area, cords as well with a lid from a plastic bin blocking the tower access), a metal futon couch, a large table with my sewing stuff on it and a bookshelf with DH's books. There are certain areas that we need to keep him away from, but we just do that by picking him up and moving him whenneeded.

The third room is the kitchen. I'm in here a lot so needed to make it safe for DS. His biggest problem was pinched fingers. There are total of 15 cupboards and 12 drawers. On the bottom drawers he could reach, I took the felt pads that you put on the bottom of chairs to protect the floor and I put like 6 or 7 of them on the drawer so it doesn't shut all the way and pinch his fingers. On the bottom drawers, I either emptied or put stuff he could have in there and put on the floor. THere's a drawer where he can pull out all the tupperware lids and containers and thow them at cats. Theres' also a place to get pots and pans out and bang on them. He also has access to some clean potatoes and he likes to gnaw on those sometimes. We put locks on three cupboards, two have chemicals on them, the third has all my glass casserole dishes. He's perfectly happy down there for hours at a time.

I see no need to give him free reign of my house yet. It's not ready for him AND he's got enough stimulation with the areas he's in.

When there's a problem, I remove him from the problem, while talking to him about why we are doing something else. He's pretty okay with that usually.

Jen
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by EnviroBecca View Post
Most people would say a baby should not play with a shot glass because he'll break it and cut himself. I decided not to believe that.
This isn't really related to this thread, but this evening we all had crystal wine glasses with our Thanksgiving turkey, so my mom and I thought it would be fun if 20-mo DS had a little cordial glass that matched. We figured the worst that would happen is he would unexpectedly fling it and it would break, but because we've been letting him play carefully with breakables we knew he just wasn't going to do this. The one thing we DIDN'T expect was him to hand it to Grandma saying "uh-oh" with two big BITES out of it! He was drinking out of it, and bit the rim of the glass! Luckily he didn't have any of the glass in his mouth, but he was so upset that he broke it, poor thing. None of us ever considered that he might do something like that---perhaps we just weren't being creative enough.


Anyway, just relates to this part of this response, but not really to the thread topic----carry on!
 

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When my dd started becoming mobile I babyproofed the house like crazy. I have friends who leave everything within reach when their kids get mobile and then smack them on the hands constantly and say "no" all day. Personally I would rather wait until they get older and aren't so impulsive. I would use distraction if she got into something she wasn't supposed to, give her something she could play with instead. Like if I'm doing dishes I'll give her the plastic ones to put in or if I'm doing laundry she could play with the socks when she was younger and now that she's older she folds towels It's not so much that I don't want to be saying "no" all the time because I don't think it's a bad word or anything. But I don't want to be following a baby/toddler around all day disciplining them for something that is natural (exploring their surroundings). To me that's like disciplining them for wetting their pants.

Certain rooms were completely off limits like the bathroom until she became potty trained. I still keep her out of the kitchen and our bedroom most of the time. I also do what someone else suggested, saying things like "hot" or "owie" so she understands WHY the object is off limits. Of course this only worked once she figured out what those words meant. Finally I try not to sweat the small stuff. If she's getting into something that's not going to hurt her, break or make a huge mess, I'll let it go.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Part of our problem is that we're in a loft---other then my office which is elevated (and completely off limits for now-I'm a jewelry designer) everything is in one room--and it ain't huge. even our bed is just barely separate from the common space by a partial wall, so gates and doors just arent applicable here. The layout mostly works in my favor, since we are always in the same room....but so is the bunny. Those corral things are not much smaller then our living room.


I think you all are confirming that I'm on the right track--I just need to keep the bunny off limits, somehow.

What do you all do about the bits and pieces on the floor? I swear my floor is "clean" but this girl is really into grabbing something like a little dust bunny, onion skin or even cat hair and taking a nibble....these days it seems the smaller the better!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by brooklyn lisa View Post
What do you all do about the bits and pieces on the floor? I swear my floor is "clean" but this girl is really into grabbing something like a little dust bunny, onion skin or even cat hair and taking a nibble....these days it seems the smaller the better!
When my daughter was that age, I vacuumed a lot -- but I also just ignored it. It wasn't as though chewing on a dust bunny, onion skin, leaf, etc. was actually going to do her any harm!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by brooklyn lisa View Post
This is all so helpful.
Sometimes I sit with her a minute and give the bun a treat, but I feel like this just confuses her....and my husband brings the bun out to play at night. Any ideas for that one? I guess she just needs to satisfy her curiosity.
I had to laugh because we have a dirt-eating little one and a house bunny. Keeping them both safe can be a challenge. We have all of the food and litter in the "Wabbitat" cage, and our bunny roams freely. We redirected our son when he tried to get into the cage, and it has finally started to work. He'll play with the cage door but then he has been easily distracted.

We haven't tried keeping the bunny off limits. Ever since our son was born, we have associated him with food..giving him treats near the baby. Now they often time share a cracker or cheerio snack (how that would horrify some moms!) and because our son is so used to the bunny, the novelty has worn off. Plus, he's too slow to be able to catch him. Now, dealing with the pellets plus our cats is a different story, but we are dealing with it as we go. People say that they grow out of the everything-in-the-mouth stage, but at 13 months, he's not stopping! I found a sequin in his poop the other day, and we just had to laugh!
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
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People say that they grow out of the everything-in-the-mouth stage, but at 13 months, he's not stopping! I found a sequin in his poop the other day, and we just had to laugh!
agh!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by brooklyn lisa View Post

I find that once my super inquisitive dd gets her mind set on something, she is not always easily redirected.

My dd was the same at this age. I used to make a game out of it (she used to want to crawl to the bathroom, pull up on the tub so she was standing on the slippery tiles, and try to drink shampoo.)
It worked well when I would just lightheartedly say "Where's Eva? Where did she go? . . . Oh I'm gonna catch you" and I would scoop her up and kiss her.
Now once you start this the game can go on for hours. Because she loved that trying to run away game, but we were both happy.
You could try it.
 
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