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We went to our 1 yr WBV last week and I still can't get over something the Ped said to us about self-soothing. I lovingly describe our Ped as "granola-tolerant" but she's overall perfectly mainstream. Every visit so far, she's asked about "self-soothing" and whether DD does it or not. I'm just not sure why it's such a big deal to her (as it isn't a big deal to us, and DD doesn't really do it). I thought she'd drop it after a while, but still at 12 months she's still asking!!<br><br>
The only reason I can come up with for why, in her words, "self-soothing is an important thing for her to learn" is so that if she's tired she can just go to sleep instead of needing to first indicate that she's tired to us, then have us help her get to sleep. That might prevent an overtired baby, I guess.<br><br>
I seriously doubt she's going to nurse to sleep when she goes to college, and I don't think that she'll deal her whole life with a sleep disorder that requires her daddy to bounce her on an exercise ball to go to sleep. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/neg.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="negative"> can't come up with any more legitimate reasons why this seems to be such a huge issue for the Ped. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Can anyone shed some light on this for me?
 

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Pay no mind to this *UA Violation*. He is just yet another main stream Ped that thinks he knows EVERYTHING that a baby should do, eat, etc. I mean most parents can't even self soothe. I bet the ped can't. There is nothing wrong with Tending to the baby when ever you want. Everytime my baby cries I come running to the rescue knocking down everything in my way. And I highly doubt there would be any repercussions later on in life for that.<br><br>
Just ignore him or find another Ped. Have a great day !
 

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I don't know why people make such a big deal out of it. It's normal, it's fine, your baby needs you or wants you so what? It's none of your ped's business and not medically related so what does she need to know for?<br><br>
Personally that term makes me shudder.
 

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My dh is 33 and self-soothes by twiddling a stick or pen and staring at the end of it. Yes we have sticks in our house for this purpose! He likes it better if there is tape stuck to the end of it. He began doing this as a child of 6 when his mum had another baby.<br><br>
My dh loves to be stroked and would have been a cat in a previous life I bet so I can't imagine how he must have felt as a child in order to turn to a stick to calm himself.<br><br>
To me self soothing is something that a child learns to do if there is no-one around to soothe him or her.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>orangefoot</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8189553"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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To me self soothing is something that a child learns to do if there is no-one around to soothe him or her.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
first of all i would ignore this 'advice' from your ped. but i am curious...if our little ones need to 'learn' to self-soothe, what does she suggest as a method of trying to 'teach' that skill.<br><br>
cio, i assume.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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I can only imagine that what she may be concerned about is that your dd has developed at least minimal coping skills... beyond that, I don't know why she would care in the least how she is being put to sleep or otherwise 'soothed'. Almost all babies develop normal coping skills and the ability to self-soothe to some degree, and use those skills on a daily basis... for example, my ds has NEVER 'put himself to sleep' and I don't expect him to anytime soon, BUT, when put into the car seat, he cries for about 30 seconds then self-soothes and calms down. He also bumps into things while crawling, cries for a second or two, then self-soothes.<br>
I have never understood why Peds make it their business to worry about how a child is put to sleep, or stays asleep. If the child is sleeping, that is ALL that should matter as far as their health is concerned. My ped knows that we co-sleep, etc., and has never mentioned 'self-soothing', if he did, I would probably <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"> freak out!
 

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Why don't you just ask your ped _why_ she thinks it's so important, since as far as you are concerned, everything is hunky-dory?<br><br>
Changing a "status quo" that is working well for all parties concerned should require some weight of evidence to support the change, no? The ped ought to be able to provide a good summary of such evidence.
 

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A ped (not OUR ped, ours is rather supportive of us, but one of the other ones in the office) once told me that my daughter trying to yank her ears off was her self-soothing technique/habit (she does it anytime she doesn't feel good or isn't happy - i.e. she doesn't get the side she wanted to nurse on, I don't "whip it out" fast enough, etc.). She yanks so hard, digging her nails in that she cuts her ears up sometimes. She started this in the NICU, but continues even now.<br><br>
I was aghast that my daughter needed to develop a self-soothing technique...was I not there to soothe her enough? Did I not meet her needs?<br><br>
When the doctor first said it, I looked at him like he was nuts and said, "Do you really think I've abandoned my baby so long that she needed to develop this...this...'technique'??!" That shocked <i>him</i>. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> Apparently, THEY think it is a good thing... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"> gots me.<br><br>
Maybe they think of it as a step in becoming independent? Maybe in learning to sleep alone (as is they wouldn't learn it anyway in their own time??)? I have no idea for the reasoning behind it...but it is supposed to be a "positive developmental step." Or some crap.
 

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Self Soothe: latching on unassisted in the middle of the night without waking mom <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">:
 

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Sewlf-soothe = CIO, right?? Or along those lines? Ugh, WTF are doctors giving out parenting advice for?? And why do some parents say they "will check with the Ped" about parenting topics? When did they become experts on babies/kids?? Why do these parents listen to them??<br><br>
I don't get it!!!!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mommyofmany</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8193433"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Sewlf-soothe = CIO, right?? Or along those lines? Ugh, WTF are doctors giving out parenting advice for?? And why do some parents say they "will check with the Ped" about parenting topics? When did they become experts on babies/kids?? Why do these parents listen to them??<br><br>
I don't get it!!!!</div>
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What I REALLY don't get is that those same parents who take the ped's suggestions on parenting tend to be the ones who ignore the ped's advice about not introducing solids yet because their mommy instincts tell them that their 3 week olds need rice cereal in their formula. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 

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I'm self-soothing right now...sitting here in brand new shoes eating ice cream. DD does not need to be doing this! It's better for all of us that I meet all her needs now. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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It really stinks that "self-soothing" is so intertwined with CIO. FWIW, my girls have never (and will never!) CIO, but I have noticed that Lilly pulls on her own hair when she is falling asleep, even when she is with me (obviously, or I'd never see it). I assume she does this in the crib, too. Kate doesn't do anything like that. Lilly sleeps through the night most nights, Kate rarely does. So, I guess the hair-pulling is some sort of self-soothing for Lilly. She's not miserably crying - she's just pulling on her hair (and not scratching or pulling hard enough to pull it out - just gently pulling).<br><br>
I'm not sure what my point is. I guess just that "self-soothing" is not always a bad thing - assuming it develops naturally and is NOT forced on a child by making them cry it out.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>HappiLeigh</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8194897"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm self-soothing right now...sitting here in brand new shoes eating ice cream. DD does not need to be doing this! It's better for all of us that I meet all her needs now. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/spitdrink.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="spitdrink"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LiLStar</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8190463"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Self Soothe: latching on unassisted in the middle of the night without waking mom <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">:</div>
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yay! mine's been doing that since day one <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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okay this is kind of just looking for the best case scenario, but have you ever known a baby/child that gets upset, and gets so worked up that NOTHING calms them down? Maybe they're just opening a door to see if there is any extreme behavior that might indicate something else requiring more attention?
 

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I think it all depends on how 'self-soothing' is described. I read Touchpoints by Brazelton and I didn't particularly like his idea of 'self-soothing' because it seems pointless to push it at the times he recommends.<br><br>
I think different people get overly preoccupied with different aspects of babies growing up. I'm sure I am too in some way I'm not realizing. But really, pushing solids, sleeping through the night, sleeping alone, all these things kind of happen on their own, whether we try to 'teach' them to the babies or not.
 

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They're trying to kid themselves that CIO babies learn some valuable skill instead of admitting that they just give up on anyone caring about them. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mommyofmany</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8193433"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Ugh, WTF are doctors giving out parenting advice for?? And why do some parents say they "will check with the Ped" about parenting topics? When did they become experts on babies/kids?? Why do these parents listen to them??<br><br>
I don't get it!!!!</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
If it's not something medical I don't even bring it up with my ped. He has NEVER offered parenting advice (maybe he knows I wouldn't take it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">) - he knows that is MY job.
 

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Yeah, my Ped told me that I HAVE to let them cry at night. Excuse me, What? First of all I have twins and I don't think that letting them cry would do anything but upset the other one. When I asked her what about with twins she shook her head and said I don't know. I changed doctors shortly after that visit. She also said a bunch of other things I didn't agree with. I personally think that if you don't agree with the doc then get one you do agree with. I couldn't stand feeling like I had to justify my parenting decisions every time I went. Now I go to a RN/retired mid wife and I love her. She gives me great advice on how to parent the way <b>I</b> want to. At first I was worried because she wasn't a Ped but she spends way more time examining them, asking questions and her office is much more inviting. I would suggest changing docs.
 
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