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Help... MIL always brings up spanking...

She knows i dont believe in it.. she says well i never used my hands.. i would use the rod you use to tighten the blinds... OMG!! isnt THAT worse!! and she says i would never do it when i was angry...

and i cant fathom using soap in your childs mouth..

How can you think hurting someone will TEACH THEM!?!?!
I just dont get it...

please give me some ideas to talk to my mother inlaw about this... i DONT believe in any of these!!
What is wrong with her>?!?!?!?!?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by KLBeech
Help... MIL always brings up spanking...

She knows i dont believe in it.. she says well i never used my hands.. i would use the rod you use to tighten the blinds... OMG!! isnt THAT worse!! and she says i would never do it when i was angry...
Some people who believe in spanking believe that you should not use your hands because hands are for loving. That's why they use another object. You'll find that advice in a lot of Christian parenting books.

I don't have this sort of problem with my in-laws, even though my husband got hit with a belt when he was a kid. My in-laws just don't try to tell us how to raise our kids, for which I'm grateful. Maybe if we lived closer to them they'd interfere more... I don't know.

But I would just say, very calmly, that she had her chance to raise children and now it's your turn. If she constantly brings it up, I doubt you'll change her mind anytime soon. The best way to change her mind is to show her that kids who are raised without spanking can turn out to be good people.
 

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The last conversation I had about punishment with my mom she said that slapping a toddler's hands didn't hurt them. I pointed out that the entire point was to hurt them. I told her she had her turn to screw up her kids, and now it was my turn to screw up mine. Since I spent most of my 20s in therapy, it really shut her up. We agreed to disagree.

Don't discuss this stuff with your MIL. Don't bring it up, and if she brings it up just pick one phrase and say it over and over. For example:

MIL: You really ought to beat your child.

You: I can see how you would feel that way. DH and I have decided GD is what we are going to do.

MIL: GD will never work. Your child will be a brat.

You: I can see how you would feel that way. DH and I have decided GD is what we are going to do.

MIL: blah blah blah

You: I can see how you would feel that way. DH and I have decided GD is what we are going to do.
 

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It really depends on what your goal is. I know how tempting it is to get someone (and everyone) to understand that GD really is the best way to parent. However, I have come to realize that is not going to happen.

I like Linda's response. If you are not looking to debate or educate her, then just don't engage in the discussion. If she is persistent, you may have to be a little more definitive: "We are choosing to GD, and I am done discussing this with you now and in the future."

If you really want to educate her, then I would be the one who brings it up instead of waiting for her to do it. If you try to enlighten her when she has begun the conversation, you seem defensive. If you bring it up, "You know, we have had some disagreements about discipline, and I would really like for you to understand my side....." then you might have a shot at getting her to at least back off. Some people respond well to data, so you could have articles ready if that is her style.

You post indicates that she is in no position to be educated, so it may be a waste of time to try. It might be easier just to silence her.

Goodluck. Aren't IL relationships a pain?
 
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