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Discussion Starter #1
Hi, there- new member here-
Wanted to get some advice on this:
My boys, both biological are 8 and 10 years old, and my husband and I have decided to get licensed to foster-adopt in our state of MA. We really have no idea how long exactly this process will take before a child (or children) is actually placed with us, it is dependent on so many factors, of course... Ideally we would like to wait until after our training course is complete at least to begin talking to them about adoption, but the fact that Mommy and Daddy are suddenly gone two nights a week for the next month is going to raise questions! My husband and I rarely go out (we are homebodies, like to spend our free time doing projects around the house and such) so in my kids eyes, I'm sure, this is going to warrant some kind of explanation...
What do you think I could tell them that is truthful but not "dropping the bomb" just yet?
In addition, I would love some ideas of how to tell them when the time does come. I've gotten some books for adults and kids, and combed the forums, but most of the advice and books seems geared toward much younger children. Thanks in advance!
 

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Discussion Starter #2
Ok, soooo... I didn't get any responses, but so many people read these threads now and in the future, I though I might as well tell people how we ended up handling it...

We now are in the process of taking the MAPP classes, and came up with a "party line" we can both use to tell the kids why they are being left with a sitter 2 nights a week. We told the kids that we are taking a class about parenting children, and how to help with all the different needs children have. All true, with an omission (or a few!) that is working for us for the time being. When they have asked why are we taking a class at all, we have responded that we like learning new things, and this subject is interesting for us. So far so good! We would like to finish the class before talking to the kids about adoption, because what we learn in class may affect our decisions about how, when, and whether we adopt. No sense in jumping the gun, IMO.
 

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Maybemore I'm so sorry your post didn't get noticed!!! It sounds like you and your husband came up with a perfect way to handle the issue with your kids while you explore it!!

Does the training include a segment on helping bio children understand foster care? As you go along this might give you additional ideas.

So what do you think of the training so far? Are you still thinking of becoming foster parents?
 

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Hey, Lauren! Thanks for chiming in- no worries, I know it sometimes takes a lot of views before posts get responses...
Our class has not yet touched on the subject of talking to bio kids, but there are several couples there with biological children, so maybe we can brainstorm a little, and get the instructor to weigh in. One of the couples already spoke to their 5 year old, and are wishing they had waited because now she asks if they are bringing home a new brother or sister every time they go out, lol! We are planning to adopt a child or children under 6 years old. We have to be patient to find a match that will fit well for everyone involved, especially keeping in mind our bio kids needs. So, it could be quick, or it could be a very long wait! Kind of hard to expect our boys to be patient along-side us.
 

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While you are waiting there are so many good things you could read and study about! I recommend the National Child Traumatic Stress Network http://nctsn.org/ for a wealth of information on trauma and the impact of abuse and neglect. It is super rare that a child would go into foster care without being abused or neglected and it has a huge impact on children. Great time to learn all you can!!!
 
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