Mothering Forum banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
294 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My daughter is 30 months old and my son is 4 weeks.... I thought I would tandem until my daughter was ready to wean, but it has been a nightmare. She wants to nurse all the time and has fits when I nurse her brother. I started out letting her nurse whenever she wanted then after two weeks put limits- but she has been having a crying fit everytime I limit her or tell her no. So this morning after another fit my husband and mom (whos here visiting the new baby) and I decided it was time to wean- that tandem nursing and her don't seem to match.<br><br>
It has been so HARD today - my poor daughter is devasted that she hasn't been able to nurse and in a rotten mood not to mention she has a cold. I'm feeling AWFUL and that this doesn't seem right, but my husband and mom are telling me that shes old enough and that the first few days are the hardest and that she's really okay (my mom nursed and weaned five kids). I have such mixed feelings. Both her and I are on the verge of tears and I'm just not sure what to do- not to mention I'm having tons of breast pain now because I'm so full (I had to get up and pump which is why I'm posting at 4 in the morning). I'm sure I want to wean when she's having melt downs over me nursing her brother but now I'm not too sure..... I hate to think how she feels now that she can't nurse and her baby brother is nursing all the time (which I feel like I have to do in hiding almost). I'm also wondering how much family and societal pressure about nursing toddlers is really playing in my decision. I want to make the best decision for her not because of outside influences, does that make sense?<br><br>
ANy suggestions or other moms out there that have had this problem? Thanks<br><br>
Katy
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,441 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> That is so hard! I haven't btdt, but I have nursed a 30 month old. If it were me, I don't think I'd go the cold turkey weaning way. My solution would be to figure out a compromise you can live with- such as telling your dd she is 2 and that means she can have milk 2 x/day (yes this logic makes no real sense, but it would have worked on my kid). Then tell her what those 2 times are, such as nap and bed time, or whatever her most attached nursings are. I would explain that at other times the baby has to have the milk because he doesn't have teeth- so he can't eat food, but she can. I would give her a snack each time the baby nurses (yes, I realize with a newborn that might be 12 x/day, but you get the idea), so she knows she's being nourished too. I know I once "weaned" my dd for a few days because she bit me (repeatedly) and I was too mad at her to nurse for days, and after that, she was happy to nurse on my terms. I think of this because it sounds like you've not nursed her in a day or 2- her attitude about being entitled to milk may have changed.<br><br>
I agree that there is a ridiculous amount of societal pressure to wean toddlers. I attribute it to the same society that think babies should sleep in their own rooms, never cry, and all the other silly stuff out there. If your heart says it isn't time to wean all the way, find a compromise you can live with. And tell everyone else that they are YOUR boobs- to share as you please.<br><br>
Peace,<br>
Laura
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
232 Posts
First off huge hugs to ya mama!<br><br>
I tandem nursed my first 2 for 20 months until my oldest weaned at 3 1/2 and am now tandem nursing my 2nd and 3rd, ds is 3 and dd2 is 7 months. It's not easy! Especially in the early weeks. When my 2nd was born my first started nursing as often and sometimes more often then the baby. I was afraid if I limited her too much in those early weeks/month she would link the baby with rejection and would be very resentful of the baby. So I let her nurse pretty much whenever she needed. As she got older and I was feeling really touched out, I started counting for her. She could nurse until I got to the number 10. That worked really well with her and we gradually got back down to 2-4 x a day. This time around, ds was 32 months when the baby was born so it was a lot easier to negotiate with him. I pretty much kept him to nursing 2-3 a day and it wasn't a problem. I made a point to include him in nursing the baby, he'd help teach her and get me things and that made him feel important ad needed.<br><br>
I definitely would not wean right now, especially not cold turkey. There is so much upheaval in your family as it is with a new baby, taking away that major source of comfort would just make it all the more traumatic. (In my opinion anyway) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> If your gut is telling you now is not the time to wean then don't if it's telling you she'll be fine to wean now then do, it's important to listen to your gut. You're the mama and you know your child like no other!<br><br>
If it were my family, this is what I would do. I'd let the toddler nurse as often as she needs whenever possible. When I'm feeling touched out, I'd first offer drink/snack/book/distraction. If that doesn't work I'd let the child nurse to the count of 10. All the while talking to her about how the baby can't eat food like she can. Encouraging her to use her words, explain that she can nurse until 10 then it's time to cuddle or play, that she can nurse again if she needs in a little while. Talk, talk, talk, about how much she's loved, how important she is as a big sister, how helpful she is, how special she is, etc. And give her jobs! The more involved they feel the less rejection they'll feel and likely the easier the transition will be for everyone. I'm an only child so I can only imagine how tough it must be for little ones to go from being an only child or baby to seemingly all of a sudden having to share EVERYTHING with another baby. And sharing nursing, especially if that's been a big part of that child's comfort, must be especially difficult. All the better to share it though then to be forced to give it up to the 'intruder'. One thing I did with my 2 is ask them to help the baby learn how to nurse. DS was 32 months when dd2 was born and he took that very seriously. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> When the baby would come off the breast he'd say, "Uh oh baby, here you go" and lift the breast back toward her mouth. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> That really seemed to help.<br><br>
Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling, I hope you're able to take something from this! Hang in there mama! I know this is a very challenging time. Kudos to you!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
674 Posts
Veteran tandem nurser here.<br>
Hang in there, girlfriend. This is hard on you and your daughter.<br><br>
Bottom line...it's too early to wean her. Way too early. It sucks sucks sucks now for you, but stick it out however possible and you won't regret it. It will get a LOT EASIER!<br>
The way your older daughter is nursing (so often...) is completely to be expected, normal and healthy---though so hard on you at times.<br><br>
I had someone give me similar advice when I was going through something similar as you...I listened, stuck it out and am so thankful I did. It DOES get EASIER!<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
43,705 Posts
I think you need to respectfully tell your DH and your MIL that you appreciate their concern, but you're the Mommy and you're making the decisions for your children.<br><br>
It sounds to me like neither you nor your dd are ready to wean yet.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
294 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks for all the great advice! I did some soul searching and I agree thats its just too early so I am back to nursing her after one day of no nursing- it was a hrad hard terrible day for her and I just couldn't go on like that.<br><br>
I told her that we need to nurse in bed during naptime and bedtime and that during the rest of the day my breasts need to rest, so far that is working. My husband is supportive, I haven't told my mom........ I started to tell her and she started up on how unfair and confusing it will be to my daughter to start weaning and then stop and then start again... I think it's unfair to wean her now, so I just changed the subject.<br><br>
Thanks for all the support it was really critical and so important right now! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat"><br><br>
Kt
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,457 Posts
i agree - don't wean.<br><br>
i just went through a similar experience - dd1 is almost 3 and dd2 is 9 weeks old. the first 6 weeks or so were really hard. dd1 wanted to nursed whenever dd2 was nursing or in my arms.<br><br>
dh would be with her during meltdowns and i'd nurse her as soon as i could. i would also put her feelings into words, like "it must be hard to share the milks after all this time of having them just for you", etc. and i've tried to spend as much 1-on-1 time w/dd1 as i could.<br><br>
hth. sorry - nak, lol.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,441 Posts
So glad you found a solution that's working for you!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
hey Katy1844! I have a toddler 2.5 yrs and my new baby has just turned twelve weeks old today. I have had hard hard days like yours and my DH too has found it difficult to watch and on occasions has encouraged me to wean, but we've got to 12 weeks and I'm glad I persisted and things are already much easier. I just keep reading my nursing books and trying different strategies (I have tried EVERYTHING. Some worked some didn't). The one that really made a difference and reduced her requests was going to play with the toddler for 10 mins everytime the baby went to sleep. It was tiring and sometimes annoying (especially when I got stuck playing cars for ages) but it really did work. I probably did this religiously for about a week and now I do it when I remember. I'm sure you will find the same as I have and every week will get easier. Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,220 Posts
I agree...don't wean <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br>
I was in the same boat as well...I let older ds nurse whenever he wanted for 2 weeks, then started limiting it to nap and bedtime. Once he was down to nap and bed time it got much easier, and he understood. Very slowly I weaned him completely, though he misses it he's okay <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I personally just couldn't nurse 2, I'm sure you will do what is best for your dd!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
375 Posts
Glad you decided not to wean becasue it's best for you and your daughter! I second the poster who said "mama knows best!" I've had my share of meltdowns (ds AND me!!) since dd was born in May, but now that she's almost 5 months old and has a stronger neck/back, I've been able to nurse them both at the same time occasionally! It's not the most comfortable thing in the world, but I can stand it for 5-10 minutes, which seems to satisfy ds. It's super-cute when they both look at each other while nursing and ds pats dd's head. Like I said, it's not incredibly comfortable, but it works in a pinch when they're both crying to nurse! (And I feel like a SUPER MILK-MAKIN' MAMA when we do! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/luxlove.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="throb"> )
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top