Tandemed for 1 year, still nursing "baby", so tired.

Oh, I so know where you are. I nursed my ds until he was 29 months. I got pregnant 6 months later. My dd is now two (in two days!) and her baby sis is 9.5, almost 10 months. Burnout? Yep. Stress? Yep. Frustration? Yep. Same as you, I don't have *any* warm fuzzy feelings towards my toddler. She wants to nurse CONSTANTLY, as much, if not more than the baby. We nightweaned a few months ago, she still wakes at night, asking for milk....I sleep with dd on a full size matress on the floor, toddler sleeps in her room for part of the night, and I always end up squished between the two of them sometime during the night. I can't sleep like that, so I end up, laying there awake, raging in my head about how unfair it all is. My dh was gone for four months, he's been back for two weeks and we have had less than 30 minutes alone together. Seriously. We've been intimate twice since he's been home, which for me, is at the peak of my frustration. I called my LC just today, I need to be reminded *why* I do this. Why I choose to respond to them. Why I chose to tandem nurse. Why....why...why....because, honestly, right now, I'm feeling so burned out and frustrated and angry, and I think "If I'd just chosen to do it differently from the beginning, I wouldn't be feeling this way now." Dh tries so hard to help, but they just get hysterical with wanting me and only me, and it's frustrating and there are many days when just the thought of nursing my toddler makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Why do I keep at it? I don't know, today. Honestly. But most days, I know it's what's best for her, for them. Most days, I can find SOMETHING, ANYTHING, that I truly love about parenting the way we do....most days. Not today. I figured it up....I've been pregnant, nursing, or both for over 6 years. I'm tired, I'm fed up, and I don't know where to go from here. Dh keeps saying (and he's right, so right) that I can't continue on this path...it's starting to affect my parenting in other aspects. I have less patience when she gets hurt...less patience when she's having a toddler moment and I don't truly enjoy the simple joys of parenting a toddler, the new discoveries, the excitement over the things they are seeing/experiencing/realizing for the first time....And like I said, I don't know what to do with it. Do I wean her, knowing that she still needs milk? I am trying to change my attitude, with little success so far....She needs me, that's all I know right now, and I try to go through each day thinking that if I can just meet this need, this time, for this moment, that eventually, I won't feel this intense anger and frustration for her...

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack....Just wanted you to know that you are NOT alone in your feelings. I don't have any answers, obviously, but maybe you'll take comfort in knowing that others feel this conflicted over it too. for you.

You didn't hijack! You really helped me.
And you know what's funny, my first response to you is--
you need to wean for yourself and your daughter. So you can be there for your children in the way you desire. I can see your path to 'sanity' and rest by stopping the nursing and changing sleep situation. However, saying that and being able to do it, even myself--is definately another thing, eh?
I keep thinking I'll put the kids together in another room, they will be able keep each other sleeping comfortably at night, and I'll sleep in bliss in *our* room, just dh and I. Then we jump back into reality and we know that being there for our children now is so vital to their future selves, there is a reason we started out parenting this way, or evolved into it...
they need us, despite popular sentiment that our children need independence asap. We know this deep in our hearts. Our nature tells us.

But we do need sleep, alone-time for physical, mental and emotional rejuvenation, and just plain ME-time in order to make it.
Unfortunately I put a video in the for the kids and read a book. I LOVE it, it helps me so much. Right now I'm reading "The millionaire next door" and it is getting my mind really thinking, and I need this. I feel sad that I resort to videos and tv. But I have to release that guilt, because I am a better mom if I have that time to myself everyday.

okay, I've gone on and on!
Your turn!