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Ok, someone help. If I hear, "I want mommy milk" one more time today from my 26 mo old ds, I will scream. Oh, wait, already did that. Twice today. Seriously he is like a broken record. I try to accomodate but with a 7 week old it isn't all that possible every time he wants it--which happens to be every second of the day. Sometimes I will say, ok, let's do 10..meaning he can nurse til I count to ten, and he is usually ok with this. I want to meet his emotional needs but I'm really really really losing it here...and I don't want to remember our nursing relationship like this. It actually makes me sad that I didn't wean him earlier so we could end on a good note. I still love cuddling with him and nursing, but more often I feel I resent it. I never ever thought I would nurse this long, as I think my initial goal was 6 mos or a year. Never ever thought i'd nurse while pregnant or tandem, but I knew he needed it still. and I like being the freak among our mainstream friends :) But honestly, I think I want to wean. Writing that makes me want to cry, but it may be the best thing for both of us and allow us to add other dimensions to our relationship. So...how do I do it???
 

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I understand completely, totally how you are feeling. My older daughter was just over 2 yrs. old when my second daughter was born 9 months ago. For the first while I felt utterly harassed! That's the only way I know how to describe it. It is your son's way of making sure things are still ok in the family dynamic, that you're still there for him, and plus he's getting a fresh supply of awesome milk! Now I know that doesn't help with the feeling of being harassed, and for sure this tandeming journey has been a real roller coaster. One thing that has helped me lately with the resentment of nursing my older daugher is to stop nursing her at night and to try to limit her daytime nursings to a finite number. I decided that she could nurse 5 times a day, and that I would try to be present and pleasant during those times. Now some days I don't do the best job of keeping track but it's helped me a lot.<br><br>
Yesterday I yelled at my older daughter and the look on her face made me feel awful, and I swore I would never ever see that expression of fear again. There has been a buildup of resentful feelings that come and go. I think it started when I tried to hug her and she demanded to nurse instead. It made me feel rejected. What I want to say is that you should do whatever you can to preserve your relationship with your son. Do whatever it takes to get things feeling good with both of you again. I think I haven't been treating my older daughter nicely because on the inside I'm always stressed about the next time she'll ask to nurse. I think these tensions have been toxic to our relationship, and I am starting to change that.<br><br>
It's ok to tell your son that sure he can nurse, just not right now, or that now it's the baby's turn to nurse, and he can have a turn next. Sometimes you can nurse them together, but if you don't want to nurse at a particular time, you can tell him lovingly, and with good feelings, that right now it's not comfortable, or there's no more milk left, or that you have to eat a sandwich so you can make more milk, etc. I guess the struggle for me has been to not feel trapped and resentful by all the requests to nurse. To some extent, you will have to take charge to define the new dynamic and it's absolutely ok for you to set some parameters to ensure your own happiness, just as you are concerned for both of your chidrens' happiness.<br><br>
You are doing such a great job. You are still in the very early weeks, and you will figure out what you are doing as the weeks and months pass. My biggest lesson learned so far is that nothing is worthwhile that ends up in yelling and anger, because I truly believe I damaged my older daughter's spirit yesterday when I yelled at her in anger after she was loud while I was trying to put baby to sleep.<br><br>
I hope you will be able to continue to see your son as a light in your life, as an innocent little boy who is really just trying to feel happy and safe.<br><br>
Good luck to you!
 

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I don't really have much advice for you, but I just wanted to say that I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!!!! I am tandeming my 28 month old and 9 month old. My 28 mo old goes through phases where he asks for nursies alllllllllllllllllll day long. For me, it truly is a love/hate relationship. Some days I think I am going to go absolutely looney; other days I think about how much it means to him and there is no way I could say no to him. It doesn't help either that every time DS whines, DH tells me that I should wean him. So I am battling it on that front as well.<br><br>
Anyway....I guess the only advice I have is to set whatever limits you need to in order to stay sane. A 26 mo old baby DOES have the capacity to accept your limits (eventually) -- but you must be absolutely consistent with them. For example, I just started using two tactics with DS - one is that I tell him that he can only have nursies in a certain chair, and the other is that if he already had nursies in the past hour, I say "no, you just had nursies" and now he understands that when I say that, I will not nurse him right then. For me these are small steps, but they do help. He also night weaned (with a little help from me) right when he turned 2. You might want to think about night weaning the older one if he isn't already.<br><br>
The other thing is that you are still in the newborn phase, which is really really tough. I PROMISE you that it will get better. For me, it took about 4 months before I felt better, and around 6 months it felt like a veil lifted and I felt really normal again. That probably sounds like an eternity to you, but honestly it will go by very quickly.<br><br>
Big big hugs....you are definitely not alone.
 

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I couldn't handle tandem nursing. I tried it twice and weaned my older kids both times, the first after 7 weeks and the second after just a week. I couldn't deal with how I felt about them while nursing, and weaned fairly quickly. My relationships with both kids had been heading in a bad direction while trying to deal with tandeming, and became healthy again upon weaning. Both did very well and I see no lasting scars. The resentment I felt when tandem nursing disappeared, and I was able to be much more loving and affectionate toward my dc's. Over two years of nursing, especially through a pregnancy, is nothing to be ashamed of, and I don't think you should feel guilty if weaning is what it comes down to for you. Nursing is a relationship, and your feelings matter, too!
 
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