[muckemom]

OK!!!! Where did my sweet, sweet DS go??? DS (11months) has always been very quiet, rarely crying... usually let me know what he wants by baby sign or pointing... but today he was a nightmare.

He cried whenever I took anything away (i.e. my nephew's hand, a pen etc) and when I say "cried" I mean screamed bloody murder, threw himself face-down on the floor and sobbed... repeat for whenever I moved him away from something dangerous... he didn't want me to hold him.. but when I put him down he would cry... then crawl back into my lap and give me a hug, stoke my hair and say "wuv oooo" (Connor for "I love you")

Does this have anything to do with the fact that he began walking efficiently today???? He's also been taking really, really, REALLY loooooooong naps (as in 3 hours, until I wake him up) and sleeping in late and going to bed early (not too early, just 30 minutes or so)

But the BIG issue is the hitting... he has begun to hit me and bite me whenever he is upset... and darn it.. those chopped can break the skin sometimes. He also screws his face up and growls....

I am at the end of my rope!!!! I am a firm believer in GD (not that he is even old enough to understand any form of discipline, so we don't utilize it yet) but I've gotten to the point where it makes me cry to see him so frustrated.

Any ideas out there at all... or even someone to let me know I'm not alone?

 

[RootBeerFloat]

Tantrums are a normal and healthy expression of feelings for young people. Babies and young children are easily overwhelmed by their feelings and express them through physical outbursts.

Tantrums are not a discipline issue. The best thing to do during a tantrum, IMNSHO, is to be nearby and provide your child with an ear for his feelings, until they are fully expressed. Not adding to the drama, not punishing in any way or trying to distract, and certainly never ignoring. (Ignoring teaches kids that their feelings are ugly and not acceptable.)

It doesn't really matter what the tantrum is for, sometimes it is about whatever the issue is at hand, other times the "limit" that you set causes a flood of stored up feelings to come out because this is an opportune time to unleash them.

It is unacceptable for kids to hurt their parents during a tantrum. You can deal with this in a number of ways. You can stay nearby but outside of biting range. You can hold him so that he cannot bite you (I have mixed feelings about this, it doesn't feel good to me to hold a child against his will, but some feel okay with it).

You might want to check out The Aware Baby by Aletha Solter. http://www.awareparenting.com/ is her website. I found that book when dd was around this age and it was very helpful to me in navigating her tantrums. Which began around the same time--you are SO not alone!

 

[muckemom]

I'm so glad someone wrote back, I was just sitting in his room crying right next to him where he was throwing a tantrum... I guess I should just allow him to be frustrated and then be there for him when he calms down??? I won't hold him against his will though to keep him from biting, I'll just get up and move to another place in his room (or wherever we are) I would HATE to be restrained like that, so I won't do it to him...

Thank you for the reference to that book, I will most definitely check it out...

My DH had a question, could he be really frustrated because, while he can "walk" he can't really get to where he wants to be very quickly, and while he babbles and I usually know what he means, sometimes its clear that I "just don't understand."

Sorry for babbling, it just drives me nuts to not be able to help him.

 

[RootBeerFloat]

Quote:

Originally Posted by muckemom Sorry for babbling, it just drives me nuts to not be able to help him.

You're not babbling--I feel the same way. I often think, I can't wait until she can talk and tell me what's wrong!

Baby- and toddlerhood are challenging times for kids. There are ALOT of reasons for frustration, some that will make sense to you and others that you'll think are stupid. While it's nice to see what's going on, you can get into a trap of needing to see what's frustrating him--and if you don't or disagree that the situation is frustrating, dishonoring or invalidating his feelings. "It's okay," "you're okay," "it's no big deal," etc. What's important is that you honor that DS feels frustrated, whatever the reason, and accept how he feels.

That book, btw, was a life changing read for me. It put me on this path of really respecting my dd that has literally altered the way I see her, myself, and my husband. I hope you enjoy it.