[MommytoCJD]

My 8 year old ds still has meltdowns. Mostly they occur when he loses at a board/card game or when one of his iPad games is glitching. He will screech, throw the cards, hit his iPad, kick the floor, etc. It is rare for him to scream or cry but the behavior is still troubling me. He does not exhibit the same behaviors at school.

We have tried giving him a warning or two, then stopping the game / grounding him off his iPad for at least 10 minutes. If he continues we make him go to his room.

He has discussed feeling like a failure when he loses. We have kept track of games we play and how many times each of us win. He wins more often! We have also reassured him that he is good at lots of things and losing is just part of playing games. If he was playing a game with his friends and his friend lost, he wouldn't think his friend was a failure, right? We have also empathized with him, making statements such as "it's no fun when we lose, is it?" and "Sometimes it seems like the other person has all the luck."

His father and I also tend to get frustrated easily and his dad is fairly competitive (I'm not). So I'm sure some of it is inherited. What else can we do to stop this behavior and reassure him that, win or lose, he is amazing?

 

[whatsnextmom]

You might start with shifting to more cooperative games and activities that don't have "winners." He just may not be able to handle it right now. Doesn't mean he never will be. He may just need a little maturity. If the ipad is causing such reactions, ditch the ipad for awhile. Personally, we didn't have any sort of gaming system outside the computer until my youngest was 10 because I did NOT like how the kids acted towards the games and towards each other. The computer had some limited options... zoo tycoon, typing games.... games they weren't so invested in "winning."

Tantrums as you described are an extreme reaction but the "feelings" triggering the tantrums are normal. 8-year-olds are still building their confidence and losing can be too much for some. If it were me, I'd be finding non-competitive family activities and alternatives to the ipad. How he responds to these things in 6 months might be totally different from how he responds to them now.

 

[horseshoe2985]

I read an article on line that addresses steps to take to help with this.

Pay attention to the game- pay attention to the types of games that you are playing - this can make a big difference. Longer more complex games can result in bigger disappointment, however shorter, easier games don't hold as much disappointment.

Share the sting as a team- play group games that allow everyone to work together. The disappointment of losing is lessoned because it is shared.

Encourage personal effort- compliment positive efforts or specific accomplishments.

Model what you mean: We need to accept our own losses.

Play for the process- keep game-playing positive and be aware of your child's limitations. Play one game at a time, win or lose, we need to teach our children how to find happiness and peace in the ups and downs.

Live, Laugh, and Cantor on

 

[Sheepdoc]

Feeling like a failure

I love the book the spirited child, it helps find words like "dramatic" to describe a child's behaviors.

I have a 10 year old who has similar rage issues set off by video games. It was scary the level of depression he had and feelings of low self worth.

I try to involve him in problem solving (Faber and Mazlish and The explosive child) are good resources on how to do that.

I also have a mantra of, "Pee, food, sleep or water?" Sometimes he will rage more when I ask but take himself to the bathroom for a drink and use the toilet while screaming at me. It helps to just ignore his words and monitor his actions.

He has a watch so he can set timers. Our house rule is 20-30 minutes of electronics interrupted by physical activity. By setting the timer for 20 minutes there is time to get to a save point and ease the transition.

I am a fan of providing a space a child can go for alone time but not groundings and time outs as they can reinforce the feelings of negative self worth. At the worst times sometimes I will bring him a glass of OJ or hot chocolate. I think of how I feel when I'm having a bad day, I yell at the kids, I'm grumpy and cranky and what I want is my husband to bring me flowers and wind and remind me how awesome I am.

 

[Ee Mom]

I am a mother of 4. With an 8, 6, 4 and a 2 months old on the tow, i still am not sure how to react when my 8 year old DS acting out, i feel like its getting out of hand, its depressing.