Hi, sorry to hear you have been going through this with your daughter. My son, now almost three, has had similar waking and crying/screaming/thrashing episodes since he was just over a year, I think (can't remember exactly). I, too, have never been sure whether they were true night terrors, since he seems mostly aware of his surroundings. OTH, I know sleepwalkers can carry on conversations while not fully conscious, so I guess talking doesn't prove he is awake.
In my son's case, it seems the tantrums (for lack of a more precise word) begin if I respond at the wrong time to his cries. Sometimes he wakes only partially and cries out. If I go to him immediately, I catch him in some sort of in-between state and he loses control. I have found that if I wait just a few seconds, he will often resettle himself. I don't advocate CIO (crying it out), however, and if he is really awake and crying, I will go to him. I usually place my hand on him and talk to him gently till he calms enough that I can pick him up. Then I tell him I will pick him up and hold him till he is ready to lie back down again. If he says he wants to go to another room, I just repeat calmly that no, it is time to sleep but I will hold him till he is ready to lie back down. If I get tired of holding him standing up (he weighs about 38 lbs. now), I will sit on the bed with him in my arms. He does calm down eventually. Often after he lies back down, he will ask me to hold his hand for a while, which I do. Usually after a minute or so, he will motion me towards the door and I leave. BTW, these night wakings happen much less frequently now than they did.
As for the stalling before bedtime, we've never had much problem with this. I do sit with my son while he falls asleep, though. (I use this time to read or write letters. etc.) I think it is easier for him to have this transition time, and he doesn't feel like he is missing out on anything by going to sleep, since all I am doing is sitting there in semi-darkness. I don't talk to him at this point beyond saying "um-hmm," or "Mama is resting now." The only time we have had any break-downs around bedtime is when he is over-tired, so you might want to consider this possibility. Hope this helps.
ETA: It just occurred to me that my son always wants to talk about his daytime crying episodes after the fact ("Why did I cry?") but he never mentions his nighttime wakings. I don't know whether this means he really *isn't* awake during nighttime tantrums, or if he simply forgets about them after a good night's sleep.
In my son's case, it seems the tantrums (for lack of a more precise word) begin if I respond at the wrong time to his cries. Sometimes he wakes only partially and cries out. If I go to him immediately, I catch him in some sort of in-between state and he loses control. I have found that if I wait just a few seconds, he will often resettle himself. I don't advocate CIO (crying it out), however, and if he is really awake and crying, I will go to him. I usually place my hand on him and talk to him gently till he calms enough that I can pick him up. Then I tell him I will pick him up and hold him till he is ready to lie back down again. If he says he wants to go to another room, I just repeat calmly that no, it is time to sleep but I will hold him till he is ready to lie back down. If I get tired of holding him standing up (he weighs about 38 lbs. now), I will sit on the bed with him in my arms. He does calm down eventually. Often after he lies back down, he will ask me to hold his hand for a while, which I do. Usually after a minute or so, he will motion me towards the door and I leave. BTW, these night wakings happen much less frequently now than they did.
As for the stalling before bedtime, we've never had much problem with this. I do sit with my son while he falls asleep, though. (I use this time to read or write letters. etc.) I think it is easier for him to have this transition time, and he doesn't feel like he is missing out on anything by going to sleep, since all I am doing is sitting there in semi-darkness. I don't talk to him at this point beyond saying "um-hmm," or "Mama is resting now." The only time we have had any break-downs around bedtime is when he is over-tired, so you might want to consider this possibility. Hope this helps.
ETA: It just occurred to me that my son always wants to talk about his daytime crying episodes after the fact ("Why did I cry?") but he never mentions his nighttime wakings. I don't know whether this means he really *isn't* awake during nighttime tantrums, or if he simply forgets about them after a good night's sleep.
