Tantrums? Totally individual. MY DS (nearly 4 years) has had precious few and only when other circumstances apply (tired, hungry, sick, overstimmed). I think his first was around 16, 17 months or so. I can't remember the exact circumstances, but something like he really needed me to pay attention, and I was distracted and just didn't catch his need in time. More my fault, he had every right to be upset. In any case, DS has never been the type to become upset at having an item taken away (for safety purposes say), but I am also always in the habit of allowing him to either explore the item for a bit WITH me or giving him a comparable item to explore. Same with activities. I draw the line at safety consistently, but often have found ways to accomodate an unsafe activity by making it safe somehow. For example: When DS was climbing onto the kitchen table at a wobbly 14 months, I redirected him to the couch (with lots of pillows thrown about the floor) so he could climb safely. Given this along with his temperment I would imagine, trantrums are something we can usually avoid by preventing circumstances that cause them. I do not punish for tantrums. Well, I should add that I don't punish at all. DS has a right to his strong feelings. As he's grown, he's learned he can use words to describe strong feelings, but he's just a kid and sometimes words just don't quite do it.
OTOH, I have a close friend with a beautiful DD whom I adore, who also happens to be VERY spirited. From late in the first year, if she doesn't get her way, it all sobs and upset. She's very intense and actually has a bubbly, happy personality--full of life, but if you infringe on her boundaries (she NEEDS some space please
) she can lose it at the drop of a hat and continue to lose upwards of several hours. Redirection is seldom effective and mostly, she just needs to get through it. Her mom deals with this sooo well and has helped me to as well (I babysit for her regularly).
I just don't think there is any one answer to this. Kids, those crazy individuals!
A 4 month old baby does not throw tantrums and a baby's behavior should not be attributed to tantrums or "being bad". Babies react to how they feel and should not be punished. Giving a baby a time out is never a good idea. Perhaps you could attend a LLL meeting or mother's group so you can learn more about babies.
Darcy, I just wanted to mention that I was not aware of the young age of the child you were referring to when I made my initial post. 4 months is soooo very young. Tantrum? No. Not possible. Is she upset, frustrated, tired, hungry, in need of comfort (for whatever reason), in pain? Possibly. It's your responsibility to read the cues, respond and let her know that you're there for her. Wants and needs? Same thing at this age and for awhile to come. What she needs most now is security, and comfort. She needs to trust her environment and this begins and ends with you. By responding to her needs quickly and consistently, you build the very trust that will allow her to feel secure in her own skin.
I'm sorry if this sounds preachy, but upon learning your child's age I was a tad alarmed. As Kellyb mentioned, you have't provided much detail and perhaps I'm just not seeing your situation the way you intended?
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.