Tantrums? Totally individual. MY DS (nearly 4 years) has had precious few and only when other circumstances apply (tired, hungry, sick, overstimmed). I think his first was around 16, 17 months or so. I can't remember the exact circumstances, but something like he really needed me to pay attention, and I was distracted and just didn't catch his need in time. More my fault, he had every right to be upset. In any case, DS has never been the type to become upset at having an item taken away (for safety purposes say), but I am also always in the habit of allowing him to either explore the item for a bit WITH me or giving him a comparable item to explore. Same with activities. I draw the line at safety consistently, but often have found ways to accomodate an unsafe activity by making it safe somehow. For example: When DS was climbing onto the kitchen table at a wobbly 14 months, I redirected him to the couch (with lots of pillows thrown about the floor) so he could climb safely. Given this along with his temperment I would imagine, trantrums are something we can usually avoid by preventing circumstances that cause them. I do not punish for tantrums. Well, I should add that I don't punish at all. DS has a right to his strong feelings. As he's grown, he's learned he can use words to describe strong feelings, but he's just a kid and sometimes words just don't quite do it.
OTOH, I have a close friend with a beautiful DD whom I adore, who also happens to be VERY spirited. From late in the first year, if she doesn't get her way, it all sobs and upset. She's very intense and actually has a bubbly, happy personality--full of life, but if you infringe on her boundaries (she NEEDS some space please
) she can lose it at the drop of a hat and continue to lose upwards of several hours. Redirection is seldom effective and mostly, she just needs to get through it. Her mom deals with this sooo well and has helped me to as well (I babysit for her regularly).
I just don't think there is any one answer to this. Kids, those crazy individuals!