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As I'm not that familiar with the precice confines of TCS philosophy, how exactly is it that TCS is authoritative as opposed to permissive?<br>
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It's neither. TCS cannot be "permissive" because TCS parents do not feel they have a right to "allow" or "forbid" anything. It is not our place to grant "permission" to our children, just as it is not our place to grant "permission" to a spouse. It would be like saying that someone is in a "permissive" marriage. Of course, one may ask a spouse if s/he would be bothered by some action or other (and even base the decision on hir reasoning), but to ask "permission" would be considered ridiculous. The very idea of a relationship between two autonomous individuals being "permissive" or "authoritative" simply doesn't apply in a relationship of equals. An "authoritative" relationship is one is which one person is considered "superior" in some way to the other and, therefore, has the right to impose hir will on those within hir control. While parents certainly have more knowledge and experience than children, it's wrong to use this as a reason for coercion. Just as a doctor has more medical knowledge, parents often have more experiential knowledge. But just as a doctor should coerce a patient into accepting his advice, a parent should not coerce a child either. And just as a patient must gain trust in hir doctor's expertise, a child must gain trust in hir parent(s) expertise. And, of course, we must remember that both doctors and parents can be wrong. Just because someone may be an "authority" in a certain area of knowledge, it does not grant them the right to coerce others into acting in accordance with it.<br><br><br>
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I understand that there is no exact definition of "TCS", so is it a fair statement that some parents practicing what they perceive as TCS are indeed permissive while others may or may not be more authoritative?<br>
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Well, certainly there are probably parents out there who claim to be TCS who are clearly *not* TCS at all. This often comes from a misunderstanding of TCS. This is why having a supportive TCS community is so important for those who are striving to be a TCS family.<br><br><br>
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I think I would be remiss in honoring my responsibilities as a parent if I were to allow my children to think *that I think* it is ok to do whatever they want, whenever they want, to whomever they want, regardless of the consequences.<br>
But I would still allow them to do it. If I were to force them to do something, I would be contradicting this very statement above.<br>
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Does this still hold true even if their actions are coercive or otherwise harmful to others?<br>
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I would strive to help my child do what is best for hir. If harming someone else were the best solution, then I would support hir in it. If not, I would strive to find an alternative solution. Personally, I don't like coercing anyone in my life. But if someone were to try to grab my purse, I would not hand it to hir in an effort to be non-coercive. One can usually only find common preferences with those who are willing to enter into the process of doing so. And one only has a responsibility to do this with one's children.<br><br><br><br>
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I disagree. I feel that the family is the primary setting for learning such skills--a training ground of sorts for learning to interact positively with others.<br>
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I agree with you. I believe it is wrong to force people to do things against their will. I know that I do not like being forced to do things against my will. For this reason, I always strive to find/create common preferences within my family and in my other significant relationships. I live according to my beliefs. I hope my children will do the same.<br><br><br><br>
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As we have discussed before, this calls for an assumption of what all people perceive to be true or coercive or good. Clearly one cannot make such generalizations regarding other individuals' thoughts & feelings.<br>
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Precisely. I include children in the category of "other individuals' thoughts & feelings."<br><br><br><br>
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I would phrase the above to: "How do we help our children to harness their will so that they may use it to get what they want?"<br>
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And I would add a modifying clause: "...so long as it is not harmful to themselves or others."<br>
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Precisely again

...This can only be the case when one acts according to common preferences.<br><br><br><br>
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I believe that we should all appreciate all of the blessings in our lives, including the kindness & generosity of others. Rather than placing blame on others in their defense, I would be very saddened if any of my children failed to appreciate such blessings in life.<br>
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I think it is wrong for people to give praise and encouragement to others (especially those whom they claim to love) for choosing self-sacrifice over common preferences. I don't want my loved ones to sacrifice for me and I would never ask or expect them to. Despite the entrenched theories we are all raised (coercively) to believe and accept, I have come to see that self-sacrifice is seldom an act of genuine love.<br><br><br><br>
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Although what some people perceive as "natural consequences" others may perceive as "coercion."<br>
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If something cannot be avoided or controlled or altered, it is a natural consequence.<br><br><br><br>
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The website says that TCS advocates, but is not characterized by the absence of coercion. So I repeat the question, I understand that there is no exact definition of "TCS", so is it a fair statement that some parents practicing what they perceive as TCS are indeed permissive while others may or may not be more authoritative?<br>
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TCS is not characterized by the absence of coercion because "permissive" and/or "neglectful" parents may not be actively coercing their children and yet are certainly not TCS. They may either be ignoring their children or self-sacrificing their own desires for the sake of their children's. Again, neither of these are TCS. TCS is concerned with taking children seriously by finding/creating common preferences with them rather than resorting to coercion or self-sacrifice.<br><br><br>
Netty