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Hi fellow moms! I really need your help. I have a 2 year old boy, an only child. But I am having trouble when he starts playing with other kids and toddlers. Sometimes he wouldn't share his toys. How can I help him? Did you have similar experience? Please share your tips. Thanks!
 

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I think kids around this age just don't like to share. I was once asked by a friend of mine : Would you land your Ferrari if you had one? Answer was no, of course. To which she replied : well, same for kids, everything is as fantastic and valuable for them, just as a Ferrari would be to you.

And I must say it does make sense to me. So I let my children not share their toys if they do not feel like it, however, they must also respect that other children choose not to share also. My two cent.
 

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Kids mostly engage in parallel play before three years old. Meaning, they play side by side with a friend. I teach 1-2's at terrific center and we keep several copies of each toy so that children don't have to give up a beloved toy to a friend. We may work on taking turns if there's not enough of each toy for those kids interested but we do not make kids share.. that's developmentally inappropriate.

True sharing is a late 3 and early 4 year old milestone.
 

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Yup, it's not developmentally within reach for most toddlers. Having multiples / duplicates helps. Another strategy if the play is taking place at home is to work with your child beforehand to put away all the things he won't want to share, and create a special tub of toys that are for sharing. But remember that playdates are mostly for the parents' benefit at this age; if the play is continually problematic, you can just minimize them for a few months and then try again.

miranda
 

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agree

I think it's OK to end a playdate if it's going badly or change the setting. Some kids do seem very territorial/controlling esp on home turf. If they drive away playmates by not sharing (trying to monopolize and control everything, having fits etc.) and it matters to them it may become more real (eventually) then. Sometimes going to the park or a public play centre makes it easier because there's lots to distract them and keep them moving (and nothing personal they can stake a claim to). You could try playing with him yourself, and model how sharing might work. I do not believe that time with other kids is just about the mom, esp. for an only. Kids do pay attention to each other even when they are still in a parallel play age.
 

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For the time being, try to hold play dates on neutral territory. The park, playground, library, museum, zoo - anywhere that's fun for toddlers and has space to hang out and explore. This eliminates territorial disputes ("That's mine! Mama she's touching my toy!"), freeing babies up to enjoy play and each other.

When it comes to "sharing," that word really doesn't make any sense to toddlers. I prefer to teach the concepts of taking turns or trading toys; once these concepts are learned, I usually find that true sharing naturally follows. When introducing the taking turns concept, start with a very short time interval (30 seconds), and then slowly increase the time each turn is taken. By starting with a short turn, each baby learns that he will indeed have a turn (which many doubt when first being introduced to this concept), and once they trust that they'll have a turn, it's easier for them to wait longer intervals. Sometimes with only children, who have less practice at sharing, it can be helpful to take turns between parent and child, if you happen to be playing together. This is a great way to model character qualities such as patience and self control.

I find it's also helpful to bring along a few toys to a play date or outing, which can be used for trades. Let's say your baby is eyeing someone else's truck in the sandbox. Perhaps he brought along his own pail and trowel. Nicely, he (or you) might ask the other kid, "Hello there, we were wondering if you might like to trade toys?" Other children are usually eager to play with others' toys, often seeming better than their own. However, if you do bring your own toys to a play date, remind your toddler that if he wants to bring them out, he has to be willing to give his friend a turn; if not, the toy goes away for the play date.

Like others' have said, I'll also say that sharing one's toys shouldn't be required of children. As adults, we all have things we don't like to share, and that's fine. Personally, I will never share my violin; just something I don't feel comfortable doing. And children feel the same way about some of their things. So, I would say, don't require your baby to share, trade, or take turns, but remind him that he cannot expect others to share, take turns, or trade their toys, either, and he must respect that choice, just as you respect his.

I find, a lot of the time, that once babies graduate from the parallel play stage, they're much more willing to share their toys because they're eager to be involved with their friends' play. How to you play kick ball without sharing the ball? How do you play doll house without sharing the furniture and dolls? How do you build a block tower together without sharing the blocks? Once your baby enters young childhood, you'll likely see a major shift in his play.
 

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I'm amazed how we think in our dociety. We are all anxious about our kids education(sharing...stay in line...respect your turn..) but then US, the adults, we don't really care about. Do we share our car..laptop..phone..house..clothes..etc with others?
 

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That's an odd statement

I'm amazed how we think in our dociety. We are all anxious about our kids education(sharing...stay in line...respect your turn..) but then US, the adults, we don't really care about. Do we share our car..laptop..phone..house..clothes..etc with others?
Not in the US but anyways.. In my life sharing happens all of the time. I happen to live in a semi detached so I even share a wall and a fence with one neighbour, and a lane with another. I share the sidewalk when I go out or the road when I am biking, I share the bus and subway too. To have friends or family over I share my stuff with them. I share food, I pass along books and clothes and music... Right now I have a friend who's been helping my driving skills so I am actually sharing her car, and in my job, I share tools and time with my coworkers. If I go to the library I'm sharing books. When I go to school I'm sharing the teachers time and class materials. If someone at work forgets lunch, or when I go to my volunteer meetings I might share some food with them too. For a while, my hubby was sharing cable with a friend who doesn't have it, so they'd get together to watch special shows. Sure I guess if you can/want to buy everything for yourself and live alone....
 

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I think it is OK, if he doesn't want to share don't force him to do it. He will learn to share when he wants things from others.
 
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