[normajean]

Referring to teaching your child the correct names for body parts-what are the reasons you've heard as to why,and if you have any research/statistical information/articles, that would be helpful.

I'm in sortof a debate here...years ago, I read something about the importance of teaching correct terminology to children because children who know the correct terms for their body parts are less likely to be molested, because the use of silly names like "Mr Weiner" is easier for a molester to manipulate the child, and that the child having been taught about their privates in a serious way, indicates that the child has also been taught about privacy of our private parts...

Someone I know is now saying this is absolutely untrue, and that the only purpose for teaching children correct names is so that *if* something does happen to them, they can accurately describe what happened to police/therapists, etc.

So which is it? I'd appreciate what you've heard, or any published information.

Thanks in advance.

 

[SneakyPie]

We use the "correct" words not out of any fear (not that I discount it for others), but just because they're good accurate words. Actually we do a combination of "correct" terms and nicknamey words, but the nicknames aren't limited to just genitalia. Our son loves to talk about his "pinnis" as he pronounces it, and also calls it his "baby junk" (thanks daddy!). His toes are his "tonies," his hair is "cur-rurls," his legs are "leggies" and "geenies" (short for "legginies") -- all these are his own inventions and he insists on them.

Oh also he likes to refer to his neck as his "gizzuds" -- gizzards, apparently. Now that I think about it we are lucky he uses any correct anatomy words at all, and I thought I was so into the correct terminology!

 

[faithnj]

DD use the correct words for everything-- including neck, elbow, knee, eyebrow, hips, head, face. But we do use the word "tummy" for stomach. And we use vagina or "privates", and "bottom" for her buttocks. I may change and use even more accurate words for her genitalia over time. But right now, I just went with what was expediate-- because I've gotta check a chart and make sure I have it right before we start lableing things "labia, clitoris, vagina." LOL! Imagine if I taught her those terms incorrectly??? Sheesh.

Faith
(And besides, vagina is the most common term used when people are talking about a woman's private parts, even if it's not completely accurate. I'd have for her not to have an idea of what others were talking about when they said "their vagina." )

 

[BabyBumblebee]

we're using the correct anatomical terms, because they're just that - correct *and* anatomical

It's just my opinion, but I think that knowing the right terms for things is empowering; it demystifies, and makes all things equal, with no shame implied. If we raise children who are happy to say 'knees' or 'elbow' why wouldn't we want them to say 'vulva' or 'penis' too....

 

[normajean]

I like the way Christiane Northrup describes explaining to toddlers/preschooler girls-having 3 openings, one for pee, one for poop, and one for making & delivering babies.

We are using vulva as a general term for DD, until she's old enough to understand a bit more. I've never been comfortable with the word Vagina, even as a child.

Anyhow, thanks for the replies, and I'd appreciate any further info you've seen about this.

 

[chinaKat]

IMO the term "vagina" isn't even necessary to introduce until you start discussing reproduction. All you see on the outside is the vulva -- the vagina is not visible. So, we are starting with "vulva", as in "girls have vulvas, boys have penises". We'll add more body parts (testicles, vagina, etc.) as the topic comes up.

The words vagina and vulva are, IMO, often incorrectly used interchangeably.

 

[~member~]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BabyBumblebee we're using the correct anatomical terms, because they're just that - correct *and* anatomical It's just my opinion, but I think that knowing the right terms for things is empowering; it demystifies, and makes all things equal, with no shame implied. If we raise children who are happy to say 'knees' or 'elbow' why wouldn't we want them to say 'vulva' or 'penis' too....

:

Quote:

Originally Posted by normajean Someone I know is now saying this is absolutely untrue, and that the only purpose for teaching children correct names is so that *if* something does happen to them, they can accurately describe what happened to police/therapists, etc. So which is it? I'd appreciate what you've heard, or any published information.

As a mother whose dd was sexually assaulted, and also having two sisters held captive and raped, yes, it is extremely important that they know the 'correct' anatomical terminology, as their case will be thrown if they do not know. They will be told their information is 'faulty' and untrue.

I am not sure what kind of published information you are looking for....perhaps Gavin De Becker's book would help you.
https://www.gavindebecker.com/bios-gavin_de_becker.cfm Protecting the Gift is an awesome book.

 

[normajean]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chinaKat IMO the term "vagina" isn't even necessary to introduce until you start discussing reproduction. All you see on the outside is the vulva -- the vagina is not visible. So, we are starting with "vulva", as in "girls have vulvas, boys have penises". We'll add more body parts (testicles, vagina, etc.) as the topic comes up. The words vagina and vulva are, IMO, often incorrectly used interchangeably. :: Bonita

:

MamaInTheBoonies-thank you for the information, I appreciate it.

 

[chinaKat]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BabyBumblebee If we raise children who are happy to say 'knees' or 'elbow' why wouldn't we want them to say 'vulva' or 'penis' too....

I think people shy away from saying "vulva" because it's a word you don't hear every day, so it sounds "funny" to them. Imagine if we didn't commonly use words like "stomach" or "vertebrae" or "eardrum" -- they would sound foreign too!

Funny, when I was a kid my brother had a "peter" and I had nothing.

If we *had* to refer to my vulva, it was called "down there".

I love the idea of the next generation of women knowing what to call their body parts.The best thing we can do for our daughters is to make "vulva" sound just as "normal" as any other word.

 

[BabyBumblebee]

Quote:

I love the idea of the next generation of women knowing what to call their body parts.The best thing we can do for our daughters is to make "vulva" sound just as "normal" as any other word.

you need to come visit my house - dd *loves* the word, and uses it (correctly, mind!) as often as possible.....

 

[normajean]

Re: Vulva

DH was more comfortable with Labia, although I preferred Vulva. We started using Labia, but Vulva was just easier for DD to say, so it stuck. Also, vulva is a nicer sounding word IMO...it sounds like Velvet or something...better connotations than either Vagina or Labia. Besides labia is only part of it anyway.

I get this newsletter from our extension office every month and it discussed that toddlers may be worried, boys that their penis may break off, and girls that theirs may be lost....SO obnoxiously outdated & freudian, IMO. I laughed the other day when my kids were in the tub and DS was talking to DD, "Wash your tummy, now wash your penis...its important to keep our privates clean!" I tried not to laugh and reminded him that girls & boys have different privates, and he said, "Oh! I forgot!" She was sitting right there, and he'd never noticed that her body looked different. We'd discussed girls/boys being different but never directly related to his sister. We always emphasize that kids each have different parts, rather than that boys have somethng that girls don't, KWIM?

 

[mummy marja]

Quote:

I love the idea of the next generation of women knowing what to call their body parts.The best thing we can do for our daughters is to make "vulva" sound just as "normal" as any other word.

Absolutely!

VULVA VULVA VULVA!

I know a lot of people have the attitude that, "boys have something that girls don't!" What about the other way around?

 

[kisagotami]

I think that when you give made up names for kids penis or vagina you are sending a message that their privates are something to be ashamed of. I think that we should teach children to accept all of their body parts and to never be ashamed of them. In my family they called a vagina a flitter monk...crazy...if your kid come up with a name thats one thing but to nick name it your self sends a strong message that you can't talk frankly about sexual parts or reproduction. Then later when your kid is more mature and has some questions about her vagina their going to remember that you can even say the word, much less talk about it frankly. At least that's the way I look at it.

 

[Drummer's Wife]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BabyBumblebee we're using the correct anatomical terms, because they're just that - correct *and* anatomical It's just my opinion, but I think that knowing the right terms for things is empowering; it demystifies, and makes all things equal, with no shame implied. If we raise children who are happy to say 'knees' or 'elbow' why wouldn't we want them to say 'vulva' or 'penis' too....

ITA

 

[arniflora]

Since my child is a boy, he knows it's his penis - not by any other name. When I ask him to point to body parts; "where are your elbows?" I include, "where's your penis?" just so it's just another body part to him - not a "private" thing. If/when the time comes that he's sticking his hands down his pants (not even an idea yet!

), then I will tell him that people do things like that in private. But ITA about "demystifying" the words and the parts of the body. As some bad comercial said years ago, "parts is parts!" (I think that was for some brand of chicken

)

Oh, and about the vulva/vagina discusssion. I did not know I had a vulva til sex ed class. I thought I only had a vagina. I was mighty confused when I discovered there was more to it. If I have a girl, you bet I'll let her know all she's got!

 

[Starlitlexy]

We go with their proper names for everything. He sure loves running around the house to say " Look at my pinnis" hehe I think using the correct terms help in the seriousness factor as well as accepting our bodies for what they are and to never be ashamed.

 

[limabean]

Since this issue comes up so regularly around here, I'll just copy-and-paste my reply from another thread.

*****

I think it's kind of like proper grammar -- we may know that "for whom" or "under which" is the technically correct phrasing in certain cases, but it sounds stilted, so many of us knowingly dangle prepositions in speech. No big deal. People don't have to speak perfectly and use completely proper/technical terminology if they don't want to -- part of the beauty of language is its constant evolution, and how common usage can actually alter definitions and expand the language. A few years ago, "Google" was a noun describing the internet search engine, and now it's more commonly used as a verb (to Google someone/something), simply because people started using it that way.

For most body parts, there is a step-down progression from Scientific Term >> Lay Term >> Slang Term. For example:

Ocular organ >> eyeball >> peepers, baby-blues, etc.
Myocardium >> heart >> thumper, ticker, etc.
Oral cavity >> mouth >> kisser, smacker, piehole, etc.
Cranium >> head >> noggin, noodle, etc.
Olfactory organ >> nose >> schnoz, sniffer, etc.

However, for some body parts, including the genitalia, there is no intermediate term -- there are just scientific terms and slang terms. Some people who may be perfectly comfortable with sexuality and having their children know accurate names for their anatomy just may feel stilted using technical terminology in everyday speech (like how most people don't use the scientific terms in the list above). Since there's no "accepted" lay alternative, you end up with people calling the genitals all sorts of euphemistic names instead.

In our house, we vacillate between penis and pee-pee depending on who's around, what the context is, and what mood I'm in at the time. I also will use words like tummy, kisser, and noggin from time to time -- I think it's okay for my DS to know that there are multiple names for body parts, some accurate and some silly, and he can pick which names to use when.

 

[kisagotami]

I just thought I'd relate a little story, I watch my two nieces 4 and 5 at night and the other night they were in the tub and I decided to play a little simon says wash....you should have saw their faces when I sad vaginas! The little one knew what I was talkng about but the oldest just stood there with her wash cloth completely confused. When I showed her where to watch she said...oh you mean my PEE PEE silly!

 

[DaisyQDuck]

So is vulva the correct term for the general area then? I had been using labia as I prefer it to using vagina but I guess I had it wrong.

Ooops.

 

[limabean]

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaisyQDuck So is vulva the correct term for the general area then? I had been using labia as I prefer it to using vagina but I guess I had it wrong. Ooops.

Vulva is an umbrella term for pretty much everything you can see from the outside -- it includes the labia, the clitoris, and the outside of the vaginal opening.

I'll admit I really wasn't aware of that until the last few years either!