I wouldn't allow it based on your thought #1. If you wouldn't allow it with a BF why a GF? To me they should be treated equally. Hope someone else has other suggestions that may help.
Teen Girlfriends Question
My sixteen year-old (bi/lesbian/unlabeled) daughter has a new girlfriend who is also sixteen. They started "going out" a week ago.
They want, naturally, to have sleepovers -- girls, period, like to have sleepovers. Their relationship makes it a tough call for both me and the girlfriend's mom.
On one hand, I believe sex is a normal, natural, healthy part of life and relationships. I believe we cannot control or stop teen sexual activity.
On the other hand are the two thoughts of (1) I would not let a boyfriend spend the night with her; and (2) they've only been going out for a week.
What are your thoughts? Your experiences? The experiences of your friends? What would you do?
Thanks.
They want, naturally, to have sleepovers -- girls, period, like to have sleepovers. Their relationship makes it a tough call for both me and the girlfriend's mom.
On one hand, I believe sex is a normal, natural, healthy part of life and relationships. I believe we cannot control or stop teen sexual activity.
On the other hand are the two thoughts of (1) I would not let a boyfriend spend the night with her; and (2) they've only been going out for a week.
What are your thoughts? Your experiences? The experiences of your friends? What would you do?
Thanks.
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Is she asking to spend the night with her girlfriend? I'm wondering what her thoughts are on it....does "going out" mean having sex or something else.....
Sounds like it's time for a heart to heart mom/daughter chat.
Sounds like it's time for a heart to heart mom/daughter chat.
Could you have it be as part of a larger sleepover? "Sorry, hun, you can't have your girlfriend spend the night; but you can have a kickass cool party with a few of your closest friends, girlfriend included!" Just a thought. (If you do go that route, you could have everyone stay out in the public areas of the house, keep the bedrooms off limits. It won't necessarily stop all sexual activity, but in my experience, it does reduce it.)
I would be hesitant to treat a girlfriend differently from a boyfriend, too (my parents did
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), but I'd also hesitate to treat a girlfriend differently from a just-friend, because that might encourage her to just "happen" to "forget" to tell you about what's going on in her life.
Good luck!
I would be hesitant to treat a girlfriend differently from a boyfriend, too (my parents did
Good luck!
I am more inclined to think that the sleepover should not be encourages. My reasoning for this is that you said you would not allow a male to sleepover.I originally thought the idea of the group coming over, girlfriend included, was a great idea. But then I thought back to my own teenage years and realized that having friends around did not necessairly stop sexual activity. If she invited another same-sex couple over, they may be even less hesitant to engage in sex. I know my friends and I did. We would have parties with two or three couples and everyone would hook up with their respective partner.
Unfortunately, I really do not have any great advice. Just some ramblings from my head.
Unfortunately, I really do not have any great advice. Just some ramblings from my head.
hard to know what to do. a family we know allows sleepover for boys and girls (they have a daughter who is lesbian) but the guest has to sleep in another room. Good luck finding a solution that works for you!
I'm more of the thought that if they're wanting to have sex, they're going to be having sex, and I'd rather know that it was happening in a safe, clean space than not know where it was happening. I also wouldn't jump to the conclusion that they're planning to have sex. My parents were pretty liberal with me, they let my boyfriend (who, granted, had been my bestfriend for a long time, and we'd had sleepovers since we were 8) sleepover when I was 14 (and I could sleep over at his house too, but we had to leave the door open there). We never had sex, just snuggled. I came out when I was 15, and had my first girlfriend at 16. They never had a problem with my girlfriends sleeping over, and I didn't have sex with my girlfriends in high school. It was actually a big issue at my high school because I went to a school that was 50% boarding students, and 50% day students. I was a day student, but dated a boarder. I was allowed to sleepover in her room even though boys and girls were not allowed to have sleepovers in the dorms. There was a lot of protest from straight students about this policy being unfair (there were a lot of LGBT students at the school). When I was 18, I started dating the woman who would become my wife, and of course my parents never had a problem with her sleeping over either.
If the issue is that you don't want your daughter to be having sex, then that's what you should talk to her about. I don't think sleepovers = sex, and I don't think restricting sleepovers restricts sex.
I also think that it IS different to let a 16-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend have sleepovers than to let two 16-year-old girlfriends have sleepovers. Heterosexual sex has a lot more risks (pregnancy, much higher likelihood of STD trasmission) than lesbian sex, and I think girls are more likely to feel pressured into having sex with a boyfriend than with a girlfriend (just the nature of teenage boys). So I don't think that you have to feel like the fair choice is to not allow a same-sex sleepover simply because you wouldn't allow an opposite-sex sleepover.
HTH!
Lex
If the issue is that you don't want your daughter to be having sex, then that's what you should talk to her about. I don't think sleepovers = sex, and I don't think restricting sleepovers restricts sex.
I also think that it IS different to let a 16-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend have sleepovers than to let two 16-year-old girlfriends have sleepovers. Heterosexual sex has a lot more risks (pregnancy, much higher likelihood of STD trasmission) than lesbian sex, and I think girls are more likely to feel pressured into having sex with a boyfriend than with a girlfriend (just the nature of teenage boys). So I don't think that you have to feel like the fair choice is to not allow a same-sex sleepover simply because you wouldn't allow an opposite-sex sleepover.
HTH!
Lex
Don't create any barriers. I know me and my partner (of nine years) started dating, and having sex, when I was fourteen. And our parents tried to say: "No sleep overs." So, we just went around them. And then that made them mad and they restricted us more. So, we just lied and snuck around more. I ended up leaving home at sixteen and we went to college together.
But my parents and I have never trusted each other since. We still haven't mended the divide and it's been nearly ten years.
Better they be screwing at home, then you have no idea where they are. Because me and my girlfriend did all sorts of crazy dumb stuff to try and be together. Because we were teenagers and basically just screwed like crazed weasles.
But my parents and I have never trusted each other since. We still haven't mended the divide and it's been nearly ten years.
Better they be screwing at home, then you have no idea where they are. Because me and my girlfriend did all sorts of crazy dumb stuff to try and be together. Because we were teenagers and basically just screwed like crazed weasles.
Quote:
I agree with this. I think the most important thing is that your teen knows how to be safe while having sex, both heterosexual and homosexual sex. Although heterosexual sex does have a higher risk of STDs and of course pregnancy, I think it's important that teens view sex and sex, no matter who it's with. Sex is a very intimate expression of feelings, whether with a man or woman. They should understand how to be safe either way. Bottom line is teens are going to have sex, and my personal opinion is that it's better to be done somewhere where they are safe, and have someone to go to with questions if they have any.
My parents were very Christian and I could never really come to them with a relevant questions about sex. And when I started having bisexual feelings, I felt even more trapped. I kept my boyfriend and dated my girlfriend in secret.
My parents kept telling me no sex, never under our roof. I got myself into very precarious situations as result and ended up pregnant at 17. I'm now a wife and proud mother of two, I have promised myself I will always be open, non-judgmental, and realistic with my children. I'd much rather my children be safe and secure under my own roof, especially when it involves a normal, natural act such a sex.
Originally Posted by TexasTomboy Don't create any barriers. I know me and my partner (of nine years) started dating, and having sex, when I was fourteen. And our parents tried to say: "No sleep overs." So, we just went around them. And then that made them mad and they restricted us more. So, we just lied and snuck around more. I ended up leaving home at sixteen and we went to college together. But my parents and I have never trusted each other since. We still haven't mended the divide and it's been nearly ten years. Better they be screwing at home, then you have no idea where they are. Because me and my girlfriend did all sorts of crazy dumb stuff to try and be together. Because we were teenagers and basically just screwed like crazed weasles. |
My parents were very Christian and I could never really come to them with a relevant questions about sex. And when I started having bisexual feelings, I felt even more trapped. I kept my boyfriend and dated my girlfriend in secret.
My parents kept telling me no sex, never under our roof. I got myself into very precarious situations as result and ended up pregnant at 17. I'm now a wife and proud mother of two, I have promised myself I will always be open, non-judgmental, and realistic with my children. I'd much rather my children be safe and secure under my own roof, especially when it involves a normal, natural act such a sex.
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