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I feel so bad for my dd shes had a rough go with friends on off friendships, but in the fifth grade she met a girl and they became best friends. They stuck it out through no matter what they had their little fights and all that.<br>
Recently dd's feeling realy left out since a new girl entered their friendship. Her what she now calls EX (for ex-bff) does every thing with this new girl and doesn't even bother to ask dd. The worst Part dd acts like she doesn't care but last night as i went to give her a good night kiss i found her lying there sobbing when I asked what it was her sister chimed in EX. dd offered to have ex spend the night a wk ago but ex flat out told her no me and ______ are going to the movies. dd asked if she could go as a last effort but ex said no __blanks__ mom can only take so many people, and then wenet and invited another girl right in front of dd! It seems to be getting better at least now their on "Speaking terms." (what i mean by speaking terms is a Hi in the hallway). Its honestly tearing dd up and i dont know how much more she can take. DD just wants heer freind back and what I'm Relizing is ______ has realy changched ex into a different person. Oh a little added info dd and ______ cant stand each other dd claims freind stealing! Any Advice?<br><br><br>
Nicole<br><br>
(P.S. dd does have other friends but not ones she would concider her long lost triplet)
 

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I went through sort of the same thing as a teenager, where I lost my best friend since 2nd grade due to religious differences. I simply could not understand how she could toss away her best friend because I believed differently than she does. She thought that if she did not have entirely Christian friends, she would be looked down upon in her Christian community. I felt, and still feel, it was a stupid line of thinking, but a lot of girls go through the same. Maybe your DD isn't into the same things as EX and new friend, maybe they don't think she's "cool" enough, or some other such nonsense.<br><br>
The truth is, there is nothing you can say to make the sting of being left behind go away. The most you can do is tell her that it's alright to be upset and angry over it, it's a completely justified grieving process, and you'll be there if she ever needs to talk. Just tell her to remember that even though she might have lost a friend, she shouldn't forget to make new ones, and there is more than likely someone else out there who she will click with in the same way. Suggest taking up a new hobby that can help her release her anger and frustration in a healthy way, like karate, kick boxing, music, or yoga. She just might meet a new bff along the way.
 

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-hugs to your DD- I went through the same thing in junior high. My best friend since second grade ditched me for a "cooler" crowd and was a general jerk for a long time. After going through my grieving period, I let her be. We got back together at the end of Sr. High and now, even though we live a thousand miles apart, still keep in touch <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> and I'll fly her and her dd out to come see me this fall. On the other hand, my best friend that I had made during the time where we were not speaking (and as a really wierd note, was my husbands girlfriend for 2 years! who knew?) refuses to talk to me at all anymore <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Tell her to keep her chin up. Things might even out in the long run, and things might not. Either way, more friends do come along, and even though thats not much of a comfort while she's being left out (its so cruel!), it gives a "light at the end of the tunnel" feeling.<br><br>
-hugs to you, too-
 

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Oh, it hurts... this happened to me freshman year of high school and again when I was 21 - I'd have thought I was old enough to be through with that stuff, but I guess not, huh? Each time I never got resolution, no explanation, nothing. I still wonder about the girl when I was 21. I guess I did something, b/c she stoped talking to me cold one night, and then all of a sudden this other girl (who greatly disliked me for some reason) was her new BFF and I was at best a third wheel.<br>
I really haven't had a lot of close female friends since then, but guys are much better about at least explaining what's going on, why they are p1ssed, etc. Good luck to your DD getting through this, I hope it's the last time she has to.
 

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I have no advice, only commiseration for your dd. I think this is something we all have gone through at least once in our lives as females. I feel sad knowing this will most likely happen to my dd.<br><br>
If your dd likes to read-there is a really well written book called All Alone in the Universe by Lynne Rae Perkins. It's about a 13yo girl and how her long time best friend suddenly starts hanging around with another girl and how it changes their relationship. I read it as an adult and thought it addressed this issue really well. There is also a sequel that won the Newberry Medal.
 

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That's hard stuff. At 13, you feel lost in your own skin, and girls can be so rough on each other. (((Your Daughter)))
 

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I've decided that girls relationships with each other as teens are practice for their later romantic relationships. At least I think mine were.<br><br>
The best thing for your dd is to move on. I don't know if you can do this with her, but if my dd is feeling left out by one friend, I just invite another one of her friends over when I pick her up from school. I try to do that anyway, so she has a community of friends rather than one best friend who could break her heart.
 

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Both of my daughters (who are now 16 and 20 years old) went through very similar experiences when they were in their early teens. Both experienced the break-up of a long-term friendship, and then they each went on to make new friends. I think this must be fairly normal at your daughter's age. It's painful, but I think it may be common.<br><br>
My 16 year old lost her best friend at about 12 because my daughter was very slow to develop, and by age 12 her best friend had gotten her period, and was very interested in boys. My daughter just hadn't "gotten there yet" (was still little-girl like) and they had trouble relating to each other at that point in time.
 

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The middle school years seem to bring about a lot of changes; socially, physically and emotionally. My dd is now experiencing a rift in a childhood friendship of 12 years due to different interests as described in my other post.<br><br>
Like Susanna's dd's, she is finding other like-minded friends who seem better suited to her personality and interests.<br><br>
It's not easy and tears have been shed.<br>
I remind her to be friendly with everyone, friends with a few and best friends to those who have proven trustworthy and true. BF relationships take time and care.
 

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My 13 yo daughters best friend moved away 1 1/2 years ago and she's had a whole series of best friends since. She'll be friends with one girl for a month, then another, then back to the first one, then a new one, and so on. She does maintain her friendship with the girl that moved away through the internet and frequent phone calls, but it's not the same as having her here! It's such a tough age, and girls can be SO cruel. I hope your daughter can move on and find a new set of friends!
 

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This is so interesting. I had few girlfriends when I was young but in middle school, it seemed that all the childhood friendships shifted and I wound up with two best friends who had had rifts with their old friends. So I was perceived as the 'third party' who broke up those long friendships but that wasn't my intention. We just suddenly discovered we had things in common.<br>
I actually think it would help our culture to not define friendship so narrowly, especially for girls. I think people come together and drift apart throughout life, and the idea that you lock into a 'best' friendship may actually be more limiting than it is enriching. Why does there have to be a best? It's true there can be security in it, but look what happens to our hearts when that all-important one pulls away. We really encourage this in girls and not so much in boys. Maybe it would be healthier to encourage girls to be more open to other friendships earlier on than to lock and load into a 'best' one.<br>
Still, I know how hurt your daughter feels and it's so painful, I know, to think of her lying in bed and crying at night. But she will make new friends and maybe that is the best part of these rifts--that new relationships do emerge, and we are always richer for that over time.
 
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