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10 yrs and 2 kids later I feel life is not worth it. I just don’t feel this is what I was looking for. I am getting tired with my on and off happiness with my husband. He is the best guy you can ever have but not for me.He is smart, intelligent and holds a very good job. A lot of times I feel we are so different. Some how we just don’t click on a lot of things. I could never attend any function with a togetherness of husband and wife because the people I am comfortable with are not his type and vice versa. I could never have any good friends and I constantly miss the feeling of having good friends around me. Now I don’t know how to get my life straightened out and have a happy married life. May be I know how- Work like a dog and keep my house spotlessly clean and be a strict mom to my kids. We are having problems on this. Basically I am very career minded . Being a computer programmer I have to work very hard to keep up with others in the field.But my kids are my priority and I struggle hard with kids , home and work and get burnt down and that doesn’t make my employers happy which I can understand totally . On and off I am out of work , not becos I am inefficient in what I am doing but just that it was not easy for me to multitask .Currently I am not working and I miss work and I wish if I can be like DH , get up in the morning , not worry about kids or cooking or cleaning – just get ready and go to work . Come back home , have dinner watch TV or do something with kids. Have some hobbies and work on them on the weekend.<br>
Coming back to my issues , When I got married I had to leave my country and my family and be with him, which was okay for me cos I loved him so much and wanted to be with him .But in the beginning of marriage we both had to fight out a lot and when one thing gets better something else comes up. I was laid back and was interested in only families getting together kind of party but he was more into guys and gals get together and dancing all those stuf. He quit all that for me . But he was not comfortable with the family gatherings I like to attend . Most of the time he will humiliate me and then when I talk about it he will say, ‘Everybody knows I am joking’ . He used to like telling other females ‘you should teach her how to cook like you ’ or ‘she doesn’t cook’ (I spend a good deal of time in the kichen to cook food and I hear this from him) or tell them to teach me something about raising kids . Most of the time he ends up talking down about me and make the other woman feel good . Fights fights fights and we are so exhausted . Now very carefully he doesn’t do that . But he has done enough to make me feel inferior I work hard to cook a meal and work hard to make life easier for my kids. I don’t really require anybody to appreciate it but humiliating me hurts and hard to come out of it. In the past, anything I do was to impress my husband and make him happy but after all these I am out of it. Its just that I don’t go out of the way and exert myself and get things done to see a smile on his face and if I fail one day he can make a statement I am not good for anything. And I can see that DH is unhappy with me these days. He is very hot tempered. At times I do get hurt sometimes. I feel so lonely at times that I feel the only motivation to live is to see my kids growing. I cook , feed the kids take care of them all day ( dd is only 11 months and ds 5 yrs) and if I get some time left I clean the house as much as I can , any work left is left there. Just waiting for dd to grow up and start back my work and get a life.<br><br>
Thank u for listening. Feel so much better sharing this ...
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Oh Mama, it can be so hard when you are not happy with your relationship... I have little advice (and I doubt you need any) except that I hope that you and the universe can connect and you will find what you need to do next in life. You sound like a very connected person and it seems like you have great intuition. Just listen to your voice and be patient.
 

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Gosh,<br>
I totally hear you!!!!<br>
HUGS To you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br>
I agree with above post, listen to your intuition.<br>
I also feel very often the same way - after some time to go back to work and get a life.<br>
Hugs.
 

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no advice just a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
take care of yourself<br><br>
peace kathleen <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hippie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hippie">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
My heart aches when I read your post, partly because I feel so many of the same things.<br><br>
I have been married 13 years, have three children, and my dh and I are like roommates. We exist to provide for and parent our children. I can't even imagine what it will be like in 15 years when the children are all grown up.<br><br>
I love my children more than my life but my relationship with my dh feels empty.
 
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