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DH and I have known for about 10 years that we couldn't have a baby w/o fertility treatment due to azoospemia. After quite a few years, we began treatments and had 2 early m/c. This past January, I decided that I could not take any more of the IF craziness anymore so we turned our focus to fostering to adopt through our state. We are now in the licensing process and should be ready to take a placement in August.

This is exciting and wonderful, but I am starting to PANIC! I have several baby books that I am reading but I just think oh my god, what if this and what if that... I had a funny but scary dream the other night where I did everythig wrong- the baby was placed in the back of the car, not secured in the car seat, I burnt her with a hot bottle of formula...

So am I a freak or is this normal fretting?
 

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TOTALLY normal

There are days when Im rushing around and jump in the car to pick someone up and have to stop and think, ok, I do have everyone right? (of course I have never forgotten one lol)....I put the baby's seatbelt on right?
 

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My belief is that children are amazingly resilient, in spite of our many "mistakes." For an entire week after we brought her home, for example, we were mixing our daughter's formula with the wrong measurement so she was getting way too little (oops!) Once early on, I got to the store and went to get her out of the car seat to find she was NOT BUCKLED IN! (ok, so I was a little sleep deprived.)

But before you know it, I predict, you won't be able to remember or imagine not being a mom and you will feel completely natural caring for your son or daughter.

Congrats on your future plans - hope everything works out well for you!
 

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LOL; I did the seat belt thing too! Got to our destination and went to get her out and she wasn't buckled in
I think it was the first time one of us wasn't in the back seat with her :LOL

You will not hurt the baby, but you will make mistakes. Just remember that mistakes are chances for learning
 

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It's perfectly normal. I remember thinking "What have I done--I know nothing about babies" after we got our first referral. I told my sister about it and she related a story about lying in bed, looking at her nine month belly the night before she went into labor. She was thinking "What have I done--I know nothing about babies!"
 

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Whew...I am so glad someone posted this I have been having this exact same fear. We are getting our first child through Guatemalan Adoption and have started looking at the necessary baby things we will be needing. We were looking at a stroller/car seat combination thing and for the life of me neither DH or myself could figure out how to work it. Finally a mom shopping nearby came over to help. I practically grabbed her and asked where did you learn that? Who taught you? Had a mini panic attack in Target. And my sis mentioned something about not giving honey or strawberries until they are so old. And I started thinking what if she never had told us that, and I gave her strawberries and she was allergic, and then she had a reaction...well you get the drift. I am desperately wanting to know when the mommy instinct will come and where I am suppose to learn all this stuff before she arrives. Sorry for the rant, its a Monday.
 

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OK, I have to chime in again! My partner was so inexperienced with young children that she had NEVER changed a diaper, and I had only used disposables. We wanted to cloth diaper though, so I had to download directions from MDC, print them out, and post them over the changing table for both of us. Our first few changes were like a surgical procedure.

What I have found is that when you become a mother, you join this vast and wonderful world of other mothers, most of whom are happy to offer advice, opinions, ideas and help, whether solicited or not! I mentally indentified about four women whose parenting I really respect (one co-worker, three friends) and I consider them my "go-to" moms when I have a question or issue. That's really helped me. Also, we bought the big Dr. Sears baby book - I remember one night early on when she was crying and crying, and I sat and read the section on inconsolable crying out loud while Naomi held our screaming daughter.

But really, we all make a lot of mistakes. Fortunately, very few are serious in the end. I think especially as adoptive moms we want to do everything right and most of us have had a pretty long wait to think and worry!
 

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Ha! Totally normal, for moms-to-be via birth or adoption! Just think about it this way: You would never worry about these things if you didn't care *deeply* about being the best mom you can possibly be. You'll do great! Ask for advice from moms who give you good vibes.

And remember, most of us are rank amateurs when we become mothers for the first time -- I mean, how many of us in the culture grow up in extended families where we get to practise baby-care skills under the tutelage of aunts, siblings, etc.? Not too many.
 

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Let me just add- women who give birth go through all this stuff too!! Only we have wacked out hormones to add to the mess!!

And dont' worry about the honey or stawberries at this point- you'll have plenty of time to ask your ped (or here on MDC) "When do I start solids?" "What should I introduce first?" "How do I know if baby's having a reaction?"

Congrats on getting ready to bring a little one home!!
 
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