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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Theres a slight chance my SIL reads my posts here.<br>
She's not a mother, nor a mothering reader - it would most likely be specifically to check up on me.<br><br>
I'm newly pregnant, and we haven't told our families yet - she sent DH an email today simply saying, "So, is it true?"<br>
Nothing else.<br><br>
I've literally told almost no one - no one linked to her in any way.<br><br><br>
Apparently she's also made a reference to me writing things about their family on here. I have vented, in the past. Things of which I am willing to be accountable for - but they were vents, and I did not write them with the intention of my ILs seeing them.<br><br><br>
I said if I found this to be true - I would be Livid. DH says because its a public forum, I had it coming.<br>
[He's a member of another public forum, that I can not see him being too happy with the thought of his parents reading it.]<br><br><br>
So.<br>
How would you feel if your IL's could possibly be checking up on you?<br><br>
[I feel a bit, 'safe' here , as its a hidden forum for members.]
 

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I think you should do a shout out to her <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:<br><br>
What a turdy thing to do <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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I guess it's her right to come here but it's pretty sneaky to come on here unannounced just to read what you write. I certainly would not want my in-laws to read half of what I put on here about them!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ThreeBeans</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7960717"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think you should do a shout out to her <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:<br><br>
What a turdy thing to do <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> turdy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ThreeBeans</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7960717"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think you should do a shout out to her <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:<br><br>
What a turdy thing to do <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:</div>
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<br>
I think its a bit more than turdy.<br>
Personally, I find it completely slimey.<br><br>
I have a lot of respect for this woman, and it would blow me away if she were that invading.
 

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I think it is sneaky and sad, but your dh is totally right- this is a public forum and we all need to remember what we put out here is easily accessible.
 

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Simple solution. Change your username or start a new account here under a different name. Delete your pics.<br><br>
This is why i'm so rigid about my anonymity here.
 

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You know there's an easy way to find out, right?<br><br>
Start posting some REALLY outrageous things. You're expecting triplets, you've just won a cruise for four from a sweepstakes and you're considering taking your SIL but you're not sure if she'll want to go, you and DH are thinking about splitting up.<br><br>
See what happens <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Salvia</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7960800"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think it is sneaky and sad, but your dh is totally right- this is a public forum and we all need to remember what we put out here is easily accessible.</div>
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You're absolutely right - but, from the people who are close to us - you kind of hope for some kind of respect of boundries - ykwim?<br><br>
Its a huge privacy invasion, though a public forum - I am writing things that are not meant for her eyes - they're for other women who are in the same boat with me, who have simliar experiences and can relate to what I'm saying.<br><br>
She's definitely not a scumbag, I totally wouldnt have expected this from her.<br><br>
I'm hurt (and disgusted) that she wouldnt come to me if she had a question or comment.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ThreeBeans</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7960860"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You know there's an easy way to find out, right?<br><br>
Start posting some REALLY outrageous things. You're expecting triplets, you've just won a cruise for four from a sweepstakes and you're considering taking your SIL but you're not sure if she'll want to go, you and DH are thinking about splitting up.<br><br>
See what happens <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"></div>
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<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Good call.
 

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I'm with your dh. If you write something down in public you are aware anyone can read what was written. It doesn't matter who's eyes you intended to read things, it doesn't matter if you only wanted women in the same situation. It just doesn't. Mothering is open to all and we all know what we write can be read by anyone with any intent. If you want to keep a forum private then you need to takes the steps to make that happen.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Katfka</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7960891"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You're absolutely right - but, from the people who are close to us - you kind of hope for some kind of respect of boundries - ykwim?<br><br>
Its a huge privacy invasion, though a public forum - I am writing things that are not meant for her eyes - they're for other women who are in the same boat with me, who have simliar experiences and can relate to what I'm saying.<br><br>
She's definitely not a scumbag, I totally wouldnt have expected this from her.<br><br>
I'm hurt (and disgusted) that she wouldnt come to me if she had a question or comment.</div>
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Are you close to her? Can you talk to her about this?
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Salvia</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7960800"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think it is sneaky and sad, but your dh is totally right- this is a public forum and we all need to remember what we put out here is easily accessible.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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If she were coming here for the site it'd be one thing, coming here to cyber stalk you in quite another. I'd be annoyed.
 

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Hmmm. I can understand how you feel, and I would be mad too. OTOH, I agree with those who have pointed out that it's a public forum, so you can't feel <i>too</i> mad at her. Or maybe you can, I dunno.<br><br>
Similar situation - I lurk on another board (it's very mainstream so I don't post; I just go there out of curiosity, I guess) and I found posts by a family member there. I felt weird about it because I didn't want to say "hey, hi, I see you're posting on this board!" (that felt kind of invasive to me) but I also was kinda interested to hear what she was up to, KWIM? But there is NO WAY I would ever share anything she said on that board with anyone else - so I think your SIL is definitely crossing the line when she emails your dh with info she saw here. Or maybe she is doing you a favor - now you know she's watching you! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lurk.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lurk">:
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Katfka</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7960703"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">How would you feel if your IL's could possibly be checking up on you?<br><br>
[I feel a bit, 'safe' here , as its a hidden forum for members.]</div>
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Doesn't she have anything better to do than check up on you? I would (nicely as possible) tell her to mind her own business. And I would change your user name if you feel that uncomfortable about it.
 

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Did she think your DH wouldn't communicate this to you?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch">
 

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If you haven't (or dh hasn't) responded back to her yet to let her know your pregnant have him respond with:<br><br>
Yes, it's true. I'm sad to know that you discovered that I'm an avid poster on crossdressingdudes.com. I will be coming out of the closet, so to speak, and will be wearing women's clothing to the Thanksgiving gathering this year. I am not gay but I love to play dress up. My therapist links it all to the time we spent together as children. I'm glad that you will be so understanding about this. And...by the way...can I borrow those black pumps you wore to our cousin's wedding last year?<br><br>
Or something equally silly (no disrespect meant to those who really do love to cross dress).<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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For exactly this reason I'm very careful not to post anything about any of my family that I wouldn't or haven't talked to them about in private. And I consider electronic media to be the ultimate public forum no matter how veiled you think your identity is.<br><br>
But...<br><br>
If your SIL has discovered that you are pregnant as a result of "checking up on you" via these boards and is trying to engage you about it I think you have every reason to be disappointed and I would question her point-blank if for no other reason than to make sure she doesn't blab to anyone else.
 
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