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My inlaws have not spoken with us since we announced that we were pregnant with DS before marriage. My father-in-law and my husband's step-mother are from a very conservative background and were quite upset about that. Now that DS is nearly 2 and we are expecting a second, we want to try to bridge the gap and reach out to them with this news.<br><br>
My husband still speaks with his brother regularly. While he has not even told him the news yet, he has learned that his sister and her husband are expecting a baby girl sometime in May (we don't know when). We were going to tell this at the beginning of the second trimester, and so we were planning on doing it this week. However, given that the birth of his first neice is so soon, my husband wants to wait until the end of May. We will know the gender by then too.<br><br>
If we tell them now, although it is right before his sister's baby is due, we might have a chance to buy tickets and travel to France in July (though there is no guarantee that things will smooth over enough to allow that). If we wait until the end of May, we can tell them its a boy or girl, but it will be too late to buy tickets in the event that we could travel (or too expensive by then anyway). What would you advise? Thanks for listening<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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Do you mind my asking why your in-laws have not spoken to your family in 2 years?
 

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Tell them now.Waiting doesn't change anything and won't steal the thunder from his brother if that is why he is worried.But if your in laws weren't happy with the birth of your first why would this babe be any different?I think it is great you are trying but really what kind of grandparent wouldn't want to be apart of their own grandkids lives?
 

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I agree on telling them now. A birth is always thunderous, and there's plenty of time between hers and yours to prevent stealing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I just recently told my in-laws. I was hesitating because of 1: how soon it was after our son's death, and 2: because the last two times we announced a pregnancy this is what they said -<br>
#1: "You guys can't take care of yourselfs, you can't take care of a baby"<br>
#2: "Don't you know about birth control?" (19 months after the first, and we were TTC).<br><br>
I really wasn't in a 'strong' place just a few months after my son died so I avoided telling people for a long time, and just went VERY slowly.<br>
They had a really good reaction this time, and when DH told them why we waited they completely understood and respected that. So I was really surprised. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter #5
littleteapot, I'm so sorry you have been through that. I'm glad that waiting worked with you. I tried to talk to DH again about going through with our plan to tell this week. I don't understand his family at all or if it is really him that doesn't want to open communication. Starlein - it has to do with them being of muslim background and being very angry with a pregnancy outside of wedlock. I'm still undecided about the "stealing the thunder" thing.
 

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Do you think that their view of your situation will have really changed? I'm worried that they will not have the reaction that you expect and that you will be hurt...My muslim friend's dad disowned her when she married a non-muslim and he has never talked to her again/nor ever will I'm afraid...
 

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Ironically, the sister about to have the baby left the home and disowned/was disowned and hasn't spoken with her dad since either. I can't understand that mentality. My husband said his brother went through a period like this and finally got "accepted" again by the father - he seems to think that we will too after giving it this much time. The father has been a very bitter man since my husband's mother, who was pure French/catholic, died in a car wreck 20 years ago. At this point, I don't think the father really cares if we tell the news before the birth of his granddaughter or not. I'm impatient to try and reach out though. I'm hoping for some kind of miracle...
 

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Yeah...these situations are very hard to understand. I'm hoping for the best for you! Maybe he'll be easier on a son than a daughter? Let us know what happens!
 
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