[cal]

Did you tell friends and family right away or did you wait awhile?Who did you tell first other than your DH?How did you tell friends and family -in person?on the phone etc...?How did everyone react?!!

 

[amberbella]

I told my DH first, then my mom the next time I saw her...about 3 days later. Then after the Dr. confirmed, I told the director of a competitive chorus I'm in, because she needed to know as she'll have adjustments to make. I told the rest of the chorus and some friends over e-mail, phone, and in person after the 10.5 week ultrasound showed everything was still great.

I have to tell employer's by the end of the month...I'm not looking forward to that.

 

[smudge]

DH of course found out because I stuck the POAS under his nose and demanded that he tell me if he saw 2 lines or not!

That week I had 2 betas drawn that rose appriately and the following Sunday we told my family. I asked them if they had "heard DD secret?" They said no. Then I said "DD is going to be a big sister!" They sat there for a minute trying to process this and finally started screaming and jumping up and down.
You see, we were given a better chance of being struck by lightning than ever getting pg on our own. So this baby and DD are truly miracle babies!

 

[glendora]

I still haven't told my relatives. Or friends. I'm waiting til the end of the month.

 

[ASusan]

DH and I waited until last weekend, which was a full 10 days after our first (9-week) ultrasound. We told only a few family members. We expanded that to about 16 people total after another good ultrasound yesterday. We will wait as long as possible to tell work and "local" friends. (There is a large overlap between the 2 groups, so for now, the only ones who know are out of town.)

 

[aylaanne]

I struggled with telling people. I told DH first, then managed to not mention it when we went to breakfast with his mother and aunt and uncle right after. We told them a week or so later, and my mom a few days after that. In there I told a couple of friends who I knew would a) want to know, and b) be supportive in all my pregnancy weirdness.

Now a lot of people know, but it's still not common knowledge. I don't lie when people ask but I don't volunteer it either. And I'm not working right now, and I won't be mentioning it in interviews unless I'm asked.

 

[tamagotchi]

We told my mother and sister (we just sent them email, no formality in this family), and we're going to tell DH's parents in person this weekend when we see them (they are a bit more formal), but we're not telling anyone else until we're in the 2nd trimester.

 

[DoomaYula]

I told everyone immediately. I always have, this is my third pregnancy. I found out right around 4w.

The concern with telling early is m/c, I guess. However miscarriage seems like such a deep dark secret in our society, and I wish more women were willing to talk openly about it. I talk openly about everything.

 

[2bluefish]

We aren't telling - not because of m/c fears, but because we just don't want everyone in our business. We've decided to just keep quiet until someone asks.

 

[Stayseeliz]

I told just about everyone with a week. DH and I were anxiously waiting to see if AF would show since this was my first month with the RE. I tested before he went to work the morning after AF was due and got two faint positives but I'd done an HCG shot 5DPO so I didn't know if it was the shot still in my system or not. I called the dr and they sent me for blood work and I told DH over the phone while he was at work! Not too creative. But still exciting!!

I told my parents that night since it was my dad's birthday. I said he'd probably be getting a new grandchild in October and of course they were thrilled.

With my in-laws my MIL actually asked DH if I was pg when we went to their house to eat 5 days after we found out. That's her style!!

I guess I told DH first, my best friend second and the girls on the TTC after loss thread third. Then my parents, etc...

Everyone took it well! It's been almost a year of trying and two miscarriages so everyone was happy for us!

 

[IfMamaAintHappy]

i told DH first, right after the test. I told my kids the next day by giving them each congratulations cards for being big sisters. I called my brother, I sent my mom a gardenia with a fun note, and I called my MIL. I called or emailed other friends after that.

I tell people right away. Its just how I am. I cant comprehend how I would not tell right away, for myself, with my personality.

 

[rachelmarie]

Dh was working out of state and ds and I were staying with my parents when I found out. So... I told my parents first - walked out of the bathroom and showed them the test. Then when dh called after he was done working, I told him. He thought I was joking! Everytime I'd say my stomach was upset or I was bloated he'd ask if I was pregnant (this was for like 2 years, since I had ds!). So, that was kind of a running joke for us. I emailed him and said to call me as soon as he could because I needed to tell him something important. When he called, I said do you want to know this important thing over the phone now or do you want to wait until Saturday (4 days) to hear it in person. First he asked who died. Then he asked if I was pregnant and when I said yes he didn't believe me (he thought I was joking!).

As for others... I told 3 of my friends that same week, as well as one set of my grandparents. I told my other grandmother this week. Dh has told some of his family this week, too. We've also told friends that we've seen.

We tell people pretty much right away, too. It's just such excited news I can't imagine keeping it a secret!

 

[Liam's Mum]

We've told our immediate family and a few friends. I was going to tell my grandma last night when I called her to say happy birthday, but she wasn't home -- I really should tell my grandmas though because I want to tell them before it gets out, and my mom has been dying to tell people. She says she can't believe how many people have asked her lately when we're having another I guess it's the expected thing when you have a child over 2?

I haven't told work, am trying to wait until 12 weeks but may tell after I see the m/w next week, because I have a belly, so no doubt rumours are flying.

Last time we waited until 12 weeks to tell anyone, but this time we decided, well, we'd turn to our family and friends if anything was to happen, so why not tell them now? This is a personal choice though. And work is not included, I would not share any bad news with them if I didn't have to, hence the wait!

Funny thing, last time we didn't see FIL until around 15 weeks, and told him then. His response? If it were me, I wouldn't tell anyone until I was showing, I wouldn't want to tell anyone if something went wrong. So, we were in no rush to tell him any earlier this time. But we forgot to mention that to SIL and BIL so of course it got out, and he called somewhat disappointed. But when DH explained why, he said he did remember saying that and so did understand why we held off. Phew.

 

[blueridgewoman]

We told people who we would have told if we had had a m/c. I'm 10wks now and still cannot bring myself to tell anyone else.

We'll tell SO's family at Easter I guess since I'll be 13.5wks by then, and I guess I really need to tell work but I am not looking forward to that conversation.

 

[Brisen]

I told dh as he was leaving for work the day I got the pos test. I told a couple of irl friends over email -- they had been there with me through the miscarriages -- and I "announced" it here at MDC. I ended up telling my brother as well, over messenger. I am worried about miscarriages, and I agree that it needs to be talked about more, but my family would *not* know what to do to be supportive, and I'm a very private person. So, we wait. But I do try to speak up more about m/c, just after the fact.

Dh has told a few people at work.

We'll probaby tell family around Easter -- I'll be in the 2nd trimester then -- and I'll likely send my family a cutesy announcement. I'm pretty sure they will think it's a bad idea for us to have more kids, and I want to tell them in a way that will let them react without me right there. We'll tell dh's family around the same time.

 

[jessitron]

I told everyone as convenient. I don't try to hide it. If I do miscarry, I want my friends and coworkers to know. Last time every hug and "I'm sorry" helped me heal; I don't want to imagine what it would have been like if no one had known.

 

[Blucactus]

With my son, we told everyone at 4 weeks. This time we lasted till about 7-8 because we wanted the secret to ourselves for longer. By 7 I was having to wear baggy clothes and was sick and tired, I wanted to keep it secret longer but DH was dying to tell, so we did. We told my mom and sister, then his mom, and his sisters, my bro and SIL, my extended family, and then a couple of friends from church IRL. When we'd told everyone we wanted to in person, we gave the go ahead and EVERYONE knew within a week or two. Our moms, grandma and church are all really excited, so they tell everyone. It's a good system.

I emailed a couple of friends who are out of town so I could tell them before it got around, and yeah, that was pretty much it.

Everyone else (playgroup and AP group friends) I'm just telling now as I see them.

 

[Belle]

I've told my dh and that's it. We're planning on telling people when we're a bit farther along. I don't know if we'll tell people after our first mw appt or the one after that. We had a loss last year, so we're a bit cautious.

 

[Tattiana]

Quote:

Originally Posted by YumaDoula The concern with telling early is m/c, I guess. However miscarriage seems like such a deep dark secret in our society, and I wish more women were willing to talk openly about it.

Oh, do I agree! After my losses, I was astounded how many women had losses and didn't talk about them and how so many others who hadn't had losses were SO clueless and said and did all the wrong things. I have made some uncomfortable because I refuse to stay quiet about my losses. For that reason, and because I refuse to go through it alone, I tell people pretty soon after I find out. Because my kids were old enough to understand and were absolutely devastated by my first loss, I have since kept it from them until I can have an early ultrasound seeing the heartbeat. That makes me feel better about telling the kids, once I can tell the kids, they take care of telling everyone else! LOL I do tell close friends right away.

I am saddened by the reactions of so many in our family that have had almost no reaction. I have heard no congratulations just "so is everything ok with this pregnancy?". Apparently, baby #5 isn't worthy of excitement.

How very sad. Add to that the fact that they just will not treat me as though I have a viable pregnancy until about 5 minutes before I deliver. I went though my whole last pregnancy trying to convince THEM that my baby was fine (how supportive). People in our church and our friends are very happy for us and realize that although we hadn't planned on having one more, with our history of miscarriage and fertility issues, this is a huge blessing and they get excited for us.

 

[Lookingup]

Quote:

Originally Posted by YumaDoula The concern with telling early is m/c, I guess. However miscarriage seems like such a deep dark secret in our society, and I wish more women were willing to talk openly about it.

Totally agreed. But I also understand why women are reticent, especially if they didn't get the support they needed after a miscarriage. Sad, huh?

I told fam/close friends as soon as I found out. Even after two miscarriages. 1) I can't keep my secrets. lol. but 2) A wise woman once told me, "there for the joy, there for the sorrow". I need my loved ones's support no matter what the outcome.

The only friend I dread telling is the one who's going through infertility. I've been there... I know it totally stinks to continually hear about people getting pg when you can not.