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Like others of us here in this forum, many of my family members are gifted. They kind of take for granted that my children have exhibited many of the traits the others in our family have. It's almost like gifted is just the way of being in my family. Except for me, of course.
So, no need for formal declaration of any sort. And my youngest is still only 2.5, so I'd never mention anything about her brother's giftedness to her anyway, but she is seeming to be on par with him (and much more socially advanced).
 

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The signs of dd's giftedness are most evident in her social and verbal skills. My close family has known dd since she was born so there really wasn't anything to "tell".

To those people that dd only sees once a year, I don't really say much about it. They can tell that she's advanced by her interactions. I might mention that her verbal skills make some things easier for her dad and I ... or that her negotiating skills are really taking me off guard... but those comments would likely just be part of a larger converstion, not necessarily an announcement of her giftedness, kwim?
 

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We will be getting formal results back next week from ds' testing. My dh and I have started to talk about this. Because my ds is speech delayed, he would be 2E if gifted. In some ways, it would be nice to explain his discrepant, asynchronous development to extended family members. I did mention to my mother (who is gifted) and my dad (not tested - probably gifted) that we were getting ds tested. Already this has set my parents up for making comparisons and contrasts with the other grandchildren (amongst themselves - not to my brother, thankfully!) and I'm not very happy about it. I don't think it's fair to any of the children to be compared this way and have told my parents to please consider what they're doing - that it might be harmful to everyone's self esteem and set up competition between the cousins. I'm also concerned that if ds is gifted and we "announce" it, it may make life difficult for him by putting him up on some sort of pedastle. I think it would make for unfair expectations. So, at minimum we probably need to tell my parents something since I've already broached the subject, but I don't know what it will be yet.

I do have fantasies of sending out letters "announcing" my ds' brilliance (if that's the case. I'm not counting my chickens, yet!) to all the people that have wronged him in the past - former teachers who thought ds was a basket case, school therapists who wouldn't see beyond their little view of what "normal" could be, and the list goes on. I won't actually send these letters - but in my mind, it helps to get some sort of vindication.
 

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We only talk about our kids being gifted with my dh's parents.

My family thinks that if I express frustration at my twins unscrewing their sippy cup lids at 11 months and having 50 + words at 18 months as being elitist and that i therefore think my family is all stupid. (Ummm, these kids have your genes too. . . although not formally trained, my dad is an engineer, mom is a business owner and coordinator, grandmother musician and math genius, grandfather math genius and leader, etc.)

It is no end of frustration for me! I have to watch what I say to everyone and downplay my kids accomplishments just so they are comfortable with us. i also limit what I talk to friends and aquantances too.
 

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Our close family knows, but not because we've "announced" it, or even really "formally" know at all (DS is 27 months) but we share with them the stories of DS's interesting events and achievements. They like to hear the stories and it doesn't hurt that DS is very enchanting (he's just a good looking, happy, affectionate kid who loves to play with everyone and has a wild sense of humor- not bragging, just saying that he has all 4 grandparents and his aunts and uncles wrapped around his little finger
!). So, they really enjoy "his antics" and from these stories, it is getting harder and harder to say anything but "He DID WHAT? Really? He's a smart one!" so, I think they know...
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by LauraLoo View Post
I do have fantasies of sending out letters "announcing" my ds' brilliance (if that's the case. I'm not counting my chickens, yet!) to all the people that have wronged him in the past - former teachers who thought ds was a basket case, school therapists who wouldn't see beyond their little view of what "normal" could be, and the list goes on. I won't actually send these letters - but in my mind, it helps to get some sort of vindication.

Bwa ha ha!!! As Mom of a probably 2E kid myself, I'm with you on that one! Although fortuantely my mailing list wouldn't be very long - but there would be a few people on it for sure.

In the family it's pretty obvious, because they're around him. And it was the grandparents who took the brunt of the disbelief from others, because they would talk about what he was doing to people who'd never met him. He doesn't have any similar-aged cousins, since dh and I are older parents, so that helps.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks! I am having my DD, 7, tested, and will get the results next week.
I am very close to my family, and everyone is aware my children are quite bright (and yes, it is familial - I am very bright, as is my mom and one of my sisters). DH is average-bright, but not gifted. My mom is difficult to talk to about this (she is stubborn, doesn't like labels, and believes giftedness= einstein like (in her eyes a tiny, tiny, tiny % of population). One of my sisters has 2 autistic children, and I do not want to rub salt in a wound, so to speak..... I am leaning towards not telling my extended family, but it is tricky as we are close, and I do not want secrets...

My son (age 10, probably also gifted, might be twice exceptional (dysgraphia)) - I am not sure what, if anything to tell him. I will probably have him tested as well in a few months, but what if one child is gifted and one isn't - does it set up competition/self-esteem issues?

I am a bit at a loss....

Kathy
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post
but what if one child is gifted and one isn't - does it set up competition/self-esteem issues?

Kathy
But whatever they are, they ALREADY are. It makes no difference what label is put on it. If your kid scores, say, 129 instead of 131 on a test, and thus misses the official cut-off for gifted, or the reverse, and does get the label - she's the same kid, with the same intellectual potential (which by the way may not have been measured accurately by the test anyway) she had before the test. Kids know who's good at certain types of things and who isn't. I was never tested for anything but it didn't stop my brother being jealous of me because I was better at school work than he was. And yet ironically he had a touch of genius in certain areas (electronics for one), which was beyond any capability I have.

Now if you TOLD your kids, "Susie is gifted because she scored 131 (or 150, or 195) on an IQ test, but you're not because you only scored 129 (or 110, or 93)" - sure, that could cause an issue! More likely, though, it would intensify an issue that already existed in the child's mind, which was planted by feeling less valued for who he or she is, long before any testing was done, if that was an issue in the dynamic of that particular family.

We're having ds evaluated soon for possible 2E issues - while I may discuss the findings in a general way with a few interested family members, you can bet I won't be giving them numbers or anything else too specific!

And I certainly won't be telling ds anything that involves a label or a number, although I will certainly share with him anything interesting about how his brain works if it will help him understand himself better.
 

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I don't make declarations to my family (or inlaws). It wouldn't serve any purpose. My parents are so far removed from childrearing that they don't really know what's developmentally appropriate for kids anyway. Same thing with DH's dad. DH's mom is a sweetie who gets it, and just accepts Fi as she is, same as she does with each individual boy.

If we're having some kind of behavioral issue, I just deal with it. I don't think it's anyone's business to 'excuse' it. And I haven't heard complaints from family members when Fi emails them (though maybe they think it's me)?

I can't really think of a circumstance where I'd make a special announcement. I don't think my kids are profoundly gifted, my 4 year old is not ready to start college or anything, so I don't have to worry about things like that I guess.
 

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I don't generally use labels. However, when family members tell me he is gifted, I agree with them
:
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post
I can't really think of a circumstance where I'd make a special announcement. I don't think my kids are profoundly gifted, my 4 year old is not ready to start college or anything, so I don't have to worry about things like that I guess.



And I can't imagine why I would ever have to tell a child and his or her sibling is gifted...his sibling was the same before and after any "testing".
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I wouldn't make an anouncement.....

But, to turn this conversation on its ear....if your child is LD, does your family/his or her siblings know? In my area, I could name a number of children who are LD, and I know this because their mothers told me!

It sems we "hide" our giftedness in our children.
 

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No, we find it unnecessary for many reasons.

FIL likes to tell his brothers how gifted the kids are; he did the same thing when Mike was young.
I will not allow him to put my son on display like a trained puppy, and neither will Mike (he does not have fond memories). There's simply no need to discuss it.

Likewise, there would be no need to discuss a learning disability with family.
Of course, my children are still quite young; this could all change drastically when BeanBean hits "school age," and people want to know if homeschooling is working or if I'm slacking off.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post
I wouldn't make an anouncement.....

But, to turn this conversation on its ear....if your child is LD, does your family/his or her siblings know? In my area, I could name a number of children who are LD, and I know this because their mothers told me!

It sems we "hide" our giftedness in our children.
Well, but I don't necessarily think there's a correlation here.

It doesn't sound to me like you're planning on telling people your child is gifted because you want to have a way to explain any behavior problems, learning disabilities, etc... In other words, to provide an explanation for something people have been concerned about.

It sounds like, and correct me if I'm wrong, that you expect your child's IQ is going to test high and you want to tell your family because you don't keep secrets. Or because you are very proud of the IQ.

Which isn't really the same thing...
 

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Well, the reaction to an "announcement" of giftedness vs. LD is probably not going to be the same at all. There is no getting around that discrepancy, which makes it an awkward comparison.

But, to answer the question, no, I would not "announce" a learning disability. If there were a specific situation that needed explaining, I might do that privately one on one with the family member involved.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
"It sounds like, and correct me if I'm wrong, that you expect your child's IQ is going to test high and you want to tell your family because you don't keep secrets. Or because you are very proud of the IQ."

jkpmomtoboys

I think it is both.
:

The truth is I love my DD, and am proud of her whether she itests as gifted or not.

I struggle with this issue - part of me believes her gifted ness is a gift from God, and hence no more deserving of pride than say, had she born exceptionally pretty.

And, yet I am proud she is smart....

In any event, I do not think I will tell people she is "gifted". Everyone knows she smart anyways...I do not really want to set up competition and the like. I guess I just wanted to express my feelings about my daughters giftedness, but it is safer to do that.....here.
:
 

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My kids are pretty. There's no getting around it; people look at them and "ooooh!" and "aaaah!" all the time. People come up to me and said, "She's so beautiful!" all the time, and think that they can start a conversation with me about my ethnicity and my ancestry because of it. They expect me to take pride in a job well done, I suppose.

I do not need to make an announcement to anyone that my kids are beautiful; it's plain to see if you've got eyes. I do not take pride in a job well done; I had nothing to do with making them beautiful. On the other hand, I agree that they are very easy on the eyes. I'm not one of those people who believes that all children are pretty, and I will admit to feeling somewhat relieved that my children were more beautiful than average. Parenting a beautiful child comes with it's own drawbacks, though I have experienced relatively few of them. The behavior expectations for beautiful children are somewhat lower than they are for average children, so my kids tend to get away with more in public, and I have to work very hard to overcome that.

Substitute the word "gifted" and the entire post should work just as well, except that the behavior expectatiosn for gifted children tend to be somewhat elevated.
I can't say that I'm "proud" that my children are pretty or smart; that makes it sound like I went shopping for them, like they were puppies in a kennel that I chose because they looked cute and did clever tricks. It's not like that; These particular children are individuals who chose me, not the other way around. There's nothing there for me to be proud of. Impressed with, yes. Enthralled with, fascinated by, enamored of, yes, but proud? It just doesn't enter into the equation. I can't be proud of something that I didn't do, you know?
 

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I guess, for me, there's a difference between people who need to know and people who may want to know. For example, any teachers will need to know things like why my son gets frustrated when he isn't able to read as many books in class as he would like because he doesn't want to move on to do coloring projects, why it appears like he's daydreaming and yet retaining all the information (he's bored!), why he prefers to look at the entire subject (such as a calendar) and doesn't like to learn things in an auditory sequential fashion (visual spatial way of learning,) why repetition of mastered subjects drives him crazy, why when he makes mistakes he gets into a frenzy (perfectionistic tendencies), and why he really doesn't care that he's not the most popular kid in class and would rather only have a few close friends (those who are similar in ways of thinking and intelligence)....and so on. These people NEED to know what they're dealing with and why it's normal behavior for my child and that he CAN be gifted and LD at the same time - that one exceptionality doesn't negate the other.

People who may WANT to know might be people like my parents and other family members when they ask why we are moving my ds to a different school or homeschooling him, or why (hypothetically) we are sending him to summer camps for gifted children. People who may want to know, but don't need to know, will get information about my ds on a need-to-know basis only. The info. might not even include the word "gifted" but just an explanation that ds just learns better in a different way.

People who know my ds know that he's smart - and for many people that might just be enough.
 
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