[ElliesMomma]

one thing i've learned from this forum is that a lot of parents are very sensitive about other people telling their children anything that could be construed as "discipline," especially if they are right there.

i am sensitive to that, but what would you do if a visiting child at your house took a swing at your 19 year old cat, who was just walking by, minding her own business. is it OK to state, on the spot, "please don't hit the kitty," instead of waiting for the parent to say that?

i feel like the statement is most effective if you say it while the child is still in the act, and i can't be sure if the parent is going to say anything at all... and in the case of my cat, she is elderly and i really don't want to give the kid a second chance to take another swing at her.

i'm talking about little kids, by the way, 2, 3 years old -- impulsive, inexperienced with animals, etc.

what do you think?

 

[eclipse]

I'm one who has a problem with people disciplining my kids when I'm right there, and I would have no problem with this. To me, that's a safety issue - not only for your kitty, but for the child and requires immediate action.

 

[Porcelain Interior]

I think if the mom was right there I'd say "Oh you should probably tell him not to mess with the kitty- she's old and grouchy and I wouldn't want him to get bit or scratched."

If the mom wasn't right there I'd just get down on my knees and tell the child exactly that.

I don't think that's discipline, it's just common sense safety.

If the child was just interested in the cat I'd also maybe help him/her pet the cat, unless the cat truly didn't like little kids.

 

[eclipse]

I'd like to add, though, that if I had an elderly cat that could be physically or emotionally harmed by an overzeaolus toddler, I'd probably do my best to keep them separate - like keep the cat in another room for the duration of the visit.

 

[BellinghamCrunchie]

I think I'd hop down on the floor and show the child how to pet the kitty safely. Then the visiting parent would probably get the hint, and I haven't said anything negative to their child.

 

[tayndrewsmama]

I'd absolutely say something. That is not something to tip toe around, especially since you are going to be labeled the bad guy if you cat reacts to the inappropriate behavior. I wouldn't think twice about saying something.

 

[mtiger]

There is nothing wrong with telling a guest in your home to stop hurting your pet. Everyone who comes to my home - be they 2, 20 or 200 - knows that one of my inviolable rules is that you do not abuse my animals. You do? You're done as far as spending time in my home until you are able to treat them with respect. I don't care if the parent is there or not.

 

[mamarootoo]

i agree. i see protecting a pet from a child (and visa versa) as a safety issue that you, as the pet owner, have a responsibility to do.
there is a difference between disciplining and informing. obviously, giving a time out for what you described would be over the discipline line!

 

[readytobedone]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamarootoo i agree. i see protecting a pet from a child (and visa versa) as a safety issue that you, as the pet owner, have a responsibility to do. there is a difference between disciplining and informing. obviously, giving a time out for what you described would be over the discipline line!

agreed. i don't even know you, and i'd probably be UPSET if you did NOT tell my DD not to take a swing at your elderly kitty (not that she'd necessarily listen, and you might have to put the cat somewhere safe just to make sure she didn't hit her again)! poor cat!

 

[mtiger]

Of course, you could just leave it to the child to find out the natural consequences of swatting at cats. I'd bet the swatting would stop when s/he finds out that cats swat back. And have sharper claws than small children.

 

[eclipse]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mtiger Of course, you could just leave it to the child to find out the natural consequences of swatting at cats. I'd bet the swatting would stop when s/he finds out that cats swat back. And have sharper claws than small children.

In this case, though, the cat in question is elderly - it could be that a rough toddler could be very dangerous to the cat.

 

[mistymama]

I take more of the avoid the whole situation approach - when my friends come over with small toddlers or kids who do not know how to act around our puppy, he goes up. Saves everyone the hassle, esp since he's a dachshund and I don't want kids picking him up - yet he's small and they always want to.

I would certainly intervene if necessary though. With older kids I've laid out the ground rules (ie, don't pick him up, could hurt his back) and if they try to pick him up I just go over and say he needs to go up now. With a kitty, I might go over and get the kitty, put her up and tell the parent I was afraid their kid would get scratched.

I guess that's a more indirect approach. And I know with my kiddo, when he was 2 and super impulsive, no amount of talking would have kept him away from the kitty.

 

[PuppyFluffer]

Thre are problems with letting nature take it's course and letting the cat swat the child. Cats scratches can convey bacteria that cause "cat scratch fever" a real disease that is not fun.

In the name of protecting my pet, in this situation, I'd place the cat out of harms way. Two and three year old kids just don't have the impulse control to approach a cat or dog in a gentle manner consistently.

At this age, I think creating an environment without a cat is far easier than trying to control their behavior with the cat.

As to gently guiding a child in how to interact with a pet of mine, absolutely, I'd jump in and work with the child in a learning manner and not a corrective one.

 

[mamazee]

Here's what I'd do anyway. I'd scoop kitty up and remove her, and say, "We have to be careful with kitty. She's old and could get hurt easily." Somehow saying "we" makes it go over better.

 

[kriket]

Quote:

Originally Posted by eclipse In this case, though, the cat in question is elderly - it could be that a rough toddler could be very dangerous to the cat.

I'm one of those people that won't say anything to children. I will say something to the parent, or I will remove my 'property' from the equation, but in the case where there is serious immediate harm to the elderly kitty, I would remove the cat.

I may out of instinct say "please don't touch the kitty, he's old" but even that would make me nervous.

 

[vbactivist]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kriket I'm one of those people that won't say anything to children. I will say something to the parent, or I will remove my 'property' from the equation, but in the case where there is serious immediate harm to the elderly kitty, I would remove the cat. I may out of instinct say "please don't touch the kitty, he's old" but even that would make me nervous.

why would you be nervous?

are there really people here who would have a problem with someone else asking their child to stop hurting a cat? What if the child was hurting your child? What if the child was hurting you? I really am interested in hearing from parents that don't want other adults speaking directly to their children. I actually prefer that people speak directly to my children, rather than acting like they're not capable of understanding. If the adult says something innapropriate, then I would step in, of course.

 

[hazelmama]

I see no problem with asking them nicely not to hit the kitty. I think it's important to also explain why--that the cat is elderly, fragile, grouchy, might scratch, etc. I would then try to redirect their attention to other, better activities. With a younger, friendly cat I would attempt to show them how to safely interact, but not with such an elderly cat. I would not wait for their parents to intervene as it is a safety issue for both the cat and the child. Also, their parents may not be experienced with animals either (or aware of the cat's advanced age) and might not know that intervention is necessary.

Based on my experience with our 19yo cat, I would only remove the cat to another room if the kids seemed really focused on her and I couldn't get their attention diverted. I would not be comfortable locking her away if it restricted her access to water, food, or the litter box even for a short period of time. Our old cat is mostly blind and gets easily confused now, so these items have to stay in place where she remembers them to be. Even physically moving her around the house can sometimes be distressing and confusing for her, so I would not do so except as a last resort. YMMV based on the physical and mental health of your cat, though.

 

[ElliesMomma]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vbactivist why would you be nervous? are there really people here who would have a problem with someone else asking their child to stop hurting a cat? What if the child was hurting your child? What if the child was hurting you? I really am interested in hearing from parents that don't want other adults speaking directly to their children. I actually prefer that people speak directly to my children, rather than acting like they're not capable of understanding. If the adult says something innapropriate, then I would step in, of course.

hi, i'm the OP. yes, there are definitely people who don't want you talking in any way other than positive to their children, *even if they are hurting your child.* i ran into one such mom at the pool last summer, who got miffed at me when i told her (older) son directly, "don't pull my daughter's leg" underwater. (she was 2 and would have been pulled under water by this child if not for me holding her up. the mom was right there and failing to get her child to let go). after i spoke to the child, he did let go, then the mom proceeded to tell me that it wasn't necessary for me to discipline her child, as she was right there.)

back to the point of my post though, we are going to have kids over for my daughter's birthday in a few weeks, and the cat is "around" in a general sense. she actually likes kids and puts up with a lot from them. but i sure don't want anybody hitting her across her back, as she is down to barely 4 pounds, brittle bones with arthritis, etc. she's otherwise still in good health, i don't want any abuse to bring her down, yk?

some good ideas on this thread, and it seems that most people agree that, like a situation involving a kid hurting your child (or you), i would have every right to speak up on behalf of my cat not being hurt.

i will admit that i do think i agree more with you that other adults can speak directly to my child, within reason, rather than deferring to the parent, ie: "would you please ask your son not to hit the cat?" and couching it in terms of only being concerned that the child would be hurt, ignores the fact that it does indeed hurt the cat, and even if young kids need to be monitored (they do!) they can be expected to start to learn that cats have feelings and should not be abused because it hurts the cat, right?

 

[kriket]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vbactivist why would you be nervous?

I have found it better to talk to the parent. Its probably the less then agreeable area I live in, but the parents are always waiting to start a fight.

If it was a close friends child I would have no problem saying, "oh no, don't hit the kitty! Pet the kitty nice, like this" but close friends seem to have similar parenting styles!

 

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vbactivist why would you be nervous? are there really people here who would have a problem with someone else asking their child to stop hurting a cat? What if the child was hurting your child? What if the child was hurting you? I really am interested in hearing from parents that don't want other adults speaking directly to their children. I actually prefer that people speak directly to my children, rather than acting like they're not capable of understanding. If the adult says something innapropriate, then I would step in, of course.

I'm also one of those people who would be nervous about saying negative things to another person's child.

I also wouldn't want another adult to say negative things to my child when I'm there to handle it.

The exception is when someone or something is in imminent physical danger; then "STOP!" or "LOOK OUT!" or swooping the child/animal out of harm's way is okay for safety reasons.

Its mainly because I don't believe the best way to teach a child is to focus on what they should not be doing. Instead, its better to focus in a positive way on what they should be doing instead. This is how I raise my child and this is how I believe other children learn best. My DD who is overly sensitive reacts to negative phrasing by shutting down and withdrawing. It cuts off the teaching moment as she is protecting herself from believing she's been bad, or something. Not really sure what goes on in her head around anything perceived as criticism.

However, I have a few close friends who also parent like we do, with the focus on teaching the child what to do instead. My friends and feel comfortable with any one of us stepping in to teach each other's child. I really appreciate parents who are kind and gentle in their approach.