[Polishbabies]

I'm trying to practice AP as much as I can. Since my daughter was 10 months old she's had terrible tantrums when she doesnt get her way. I hate to call them tantrums but its the best word I can think of. I've tried being gentle and redirecting her attention but normally she wants nothing of it and stops when she's distracted by something at which point she doesnt even want to look at me. At first it didnt really bother me and I just gently said "no" and like I said, redirected her, but its been almost 2 months and its just getting worse.

An example... Just this weekend she learned how to climb down the stairs (vertically!) by holding onto the railing. We spent a lot of time helping her with this skill because she was very eager to do it - lots of exercise up and down the stairs all weekend. Now sometimes we're playing and we need to go upstairs to the kitchen, whether i'm holding her hand and walking her up the stairs or whether i'm holding her if she decides she wants to go down the stairs she wants NOTHING else and throws her whole body backwards and screams and cries. She also waves her hands at my face or at my chest and scratches (her nails are as short as can be!) to the point of me bleeding sometimes. At that point shes so loud she doesnt even hear me say "we're going upstairs now" or whatever it is I say... and I gently take her (somehow) to where we're going and she's eventually fine when she realizes somethine else to focus on.

How should I be reacting to this behaviour? Its been going on so long now that I'm at a loss. I'm even worried because recently its really getting to me and I can feel myself boiling up on the inside wanting to yell at her and its starting to take a lot to hold it in and be calm. Please help!

 

[mamamille]

It is easier said then done, but just keep going calmly and gently. THis is a very aggrevating time for this age,as they are old enough to recognise all the wonderful things that they want to do, but don't have the physical or developmental maturity to do so. AND they are preverbal, so they can't even communicate what's going on, etc. I try to use my words and say things like "it looks like you really want to go down the stairs. You must feel very strong and big going down the stairs like your mommy and daddy" or what ever. That way her experience is being validated, she is being validated, and though you might not go down the stairs she is aware that she exists... (not to say that she doesn't but hopefully you know what I mean : ) )
My feeling with tantrums (coming from a kid who through 4-5 major ones a day) is that it is a communication break down. It's like they get stuck inbetween what the situation asks of them, and what they are capable of doing, and instead of being able to navigate it, they crash. She's so young that I think you are doing great. When it gets too much then you need to take a break. I thought this was a hard time for my dd and I. When they develope so fast sometimes it means that momma needs more self-care then when they are happy and stable. Good Luck!

 

[transylvania_mom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polishbabies How should I be reacting to this behaviour? Its been going on so long now that I'm at a loss. I'm even worried because recently its really getting to me and I can feel myself boiling up on the inside wanting to yell at her and its starting to take a lot to hold it in and be calm. Please help!

I know how it is. I was beyond frustrated sometimes. It will take a LOT of time and repetition before it sinks in. At this age you can at least distract her. But It will get worse before it gets better, around two they are not distracted so easily anymore. It sounds like you're doing great reacting gently and reinforcing limits at the same time. Also, if you nurse it can help A LOT!

When my ds was frustrated, I used to offer hugs (or nursing), if he preferred crying or having a tantrum, I would just let him calm down by himself. Now at 4, when I say no, he just comes to me for a quick cuddle and goes on with his day.

Hugs. I hope this stage won't be long for your baby.

 

[Polishbabies]

thanks so much moms... I guess I had a gut feeling that I was doing alright I just needed someone to tell me so... I really like your ideas.. thanks for the motivation... sometimes it feels like i need some for each upcoming day!